In Conclusion

Today's devotional sums up the past 30 days.  Trusting God, seeking Him through trials and tribulations, receiving His peace, casting all of our fears and anxieties on Him, and receiving all the blessings He wants to bestow on us.  He works in mysterious ways, but His ways are good and beneficial to us.

Taste and see that He is good.  The more intimately we experience Him, the more convinced we become of His goodness.  He is the living one who sees us and longs to participate in our lives.  He is training us to find Him in each moment and to be a channel of His loving presence.  Sometimes His blessings come to us in mysterious ways:  through pain and trouble.  At such times we can know His goodness only through our trust in Him.  Understanding will fail us, but trust will keep us close to Him.  Thank Him for the gift of His peace.  He knows this is our deepest need:  to calm our fears and clear our minds.  Listen to Him.  Tune out other voices so that we can hear Him more clearly.  Draw near to Him; receive His peace.

Psalm 34:8; Genesis 16:13-14; John 20:19; Colossians 3:15  

Trust Is Where the Heart Is

I love sitting out on my back patio on a beautiful day.  Hearing the birds chirp, watching my kids play, taking in the beautiful scenery of God's work...it all brings me so much peace.  It is times like these that I feel the closest to God.  Just being still, taking it all in.  These are the moments when I do not have a care in the world, fully trusting God.  Trust is dependent on my heart, not on my circumstances.  Whether I am in a valley, or on a mountain top, I need to trust God and know that He has me right where He wants me to be.  He never allows things to come my way for nothing.  In everything, He has a purpose.

He takes care of us.  Trust Him at all times.  Trust Him in all of our circumstances.  Trust Him with all of our hearts.  When we are weary and everything seems to be going wrong, we can still utter these four words:  "I trust you, Jesus."  We can release matters into His control.  Everyday provides opportunities for us to learn His ways and grow closer to Him.  Search for Him as for hidden treasure.  He will be found by us.
Proverbs 3:5; Deuteronomy 33:27; Jeremiah 29:13-14

The Budget Planner

Recently, Jeremy booked a family trip to a resort in Pigeon Forge, TN for spring break.  Even though I am looking forward to getting away, I am also very nervous at the same time.  I am a planner, my husband is spontaneous.  I am a saver, my husband is a spender.  Opposites really do attract...ha!  This trip was not in our budget, and even though we will be okay, I still do not like the idea of spending money without there being a planning process.  It makes my mind travel to the future; travel to the next couple of weeks, reworking the budget to fit our bills and spending money for the trip.  However, I am reminded through today's devotional that I am relying too much on our spreadsheet.  I need to let that go, rely on God (because He is our provision), and make memories with our kids.  They are only little for so long, and I want them to grow up knowing with full confidence that we love them, and that we were willing to sacrifice whatever it was to make their childhood the best that it could be.

Stop trying to work things out before their times have come.  Accept the limitations of living one day at a time.  When something comes to our attention, ask Him whether or not it is part of today's agenda.  If it isn't, release it into His care and go on about today's duties.  When we follow this practice, there will be a beautiful simplicity about our life:  a time for everything, and everything in its time.  A life lived close to Him is not complicated or cluttered.  When we focus on His presence, many things that once troubled us will lose their power over us.  Remember that He has overcome the world, and so that in Him we may have peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1; John 16:33

In other news, I gained two pounds this week.  I don't know if it is muscle, or the chinese food I had last night, but I did lose 1% of body fat and a half an inch on both my waist and chest.  Even though I am discouraged, I will not let this stop me.  I should expects ups and downs during this journey.  Whatever doesn't kill me will make me stronger, right?!

Giver, Not a Taker

When I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I thought life would be peaches and cream.  I assumed that the grass was greener on the other side, the Christian side.  Boy was I wrong.  Living a life for God is harder than living a life for the flesh.  I have to die to myself daily, in order to let Christ live through me.  Even though I mess up everyday of my life, God is merciful.  He redeems me and gives me a clean slate every morning.  Life has been harsh, and Jeremy and I have walked through many valleys, but God has never forsaken us.  He has worked everything out for our good.  He has blessed us beyond what we can imagine.  He is a God who gives.  As Jeremiah 29:11 states, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

He is a God who gives and gives and gives.  When He died for us on the cross, He held nothing back.  Giving is inherent in His nature, so He searches for people who are able to receive in full measure.  To increase our intimacy with Him, the two traits we need are receptivity and attentiveness.  Receptivity is opening up our innermost being to be filled with His abundant riches.  Attentiveness is directing our gaze to Him, searching for Him in all our moments.  Through such attentiveness we receive His perfect peace.
Philippians 2:17; Mark 10:15; Isaiah 26:3

Tomorrow is STATday!  Cannot wait to see what my measurements are for this week.  My trouble area is my mid-section, but it's changing with T25.  For spring break we are going to Pigeon Forge, TN to a resort with an indoor/outdoor water park.  I have a week to get my body bathing suit ready; one piece that is!

In the Wee Hours

On Monday, I just could not get up when my alarm went off at 5.  So I decided to turn it off and sleep in, which resulted in a frantic morning and finding Caleb eating cookies in his bed, while I snuck in a quick workout.  So I welcome the quiet that this early morning brings.  The calmness, the peace, the slowness.  I have really enjoyed waking up early and spending quiet time with the Lord in this state.  It allows me to not rush, not be interrupted and to fully listen.  This is a great way for me to start out my day.  It allows me to push aside my selfish desires, and replace them with God's plans for me. 

Be still in His presence even though countless tasks clamor for our attention.  Nothing is as important as spending time with Him.  While we wait in His presence, He does His best work within us, transforming us by the renewing of our minds.  If we skimp on this time with Him, we may plunge headlong into the wrong activities, missing the richness of what He has planned for us.  Do not seek Him primarily for what He can give us.  He is infinitely greater than any gift He might impart to us.  He is deeply grieved when His blessings become idols in our hearts.  Anything can be an idol if it distracts us from Him as our first love.  Enjoy the greatest gift of all:  Christ in us, the hope of glory!
Romans 12:2; Revelation 2:4; Colossians 1:27

Even all good things can be bad if we do not check our motives.  I need to always be sure that I am seeking the Lord with pure motives.  To love Him because He is worthy.  To follow Him because He is good.  Years of obedience and loyalty, gaining nothing in return, is not wasted.  He is our return.  Anything beyond that is a bonus, not an expectation.

The Perfect Storm

What does it mean to wait on the Lord?  In my case, it means to put all my trust on Him.  To stand still and not move until He directs me to.  To fully depend on Him, knowing that He is working in the background.  To know with confidence that the Lord has a plan, even when it seems like there is no way to recover.  The Lord has put Jeremy and I through many trials.  In some, it felt like God was silent, as if He did not even care.  I always wondered during a storm how it was going to bring glory to God.  Nothing about it looked like it was going to have a good outcome.  But of course, God uses all things for the good of those who love Him.  God has used our trials to strengthen our faith.  As our preacher said last Sunday, we are either coming out of a storm, in a storm or going into a storm.  But knowing that I can fully trust the Lord during a storm brings comfort.  The waves do not seem so big after all.

Waiting on Him means directing our attention to Him in hopeful anticipation of what He will do.  It entails trusting Him with every fiber of our being instead of trying to figure things out for ourselves.  He created us to stay conscious of Him as we go about our daily duties.  He has promised many blessings to those who wait on Him:  renewed strength, living above one's circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of His continual presence.  Waiting on Him enables us to glorify Him by living in deep dependence on Him, ready to do His will.  In His presence is fullness of joy.
Lamentations 3:24-26; Isaiah 40:31; Psalm 16:11

Constant State of Thankfulness

Currently I am studying Stuck by Jennie Allen.  I love this study.  The thing that I love most about this study is that it touches every area in my life that I struggle with; anger, fear, sadness, discontent.  Today's devotional touches on thankfulness; being thankful to the Lord for whatever season of life you are in.  For me, I have to constantly be in gratitude to God because if I am not, my life is either full of bitterness or pride, depending on if God has me in the valley or on the mountain top.  Without gratitude in my heart, it is all about me, not about Him.  I take for granted, and even overlook, the blessings of God and take all the credit.  Or when life is not going my way, I throw a pity party for myself and expect everyone to attend.  But if I live in constant thankfulness, no matter the circumstance, it does not matter.  God gives me what I need, so there is no need to be discontent, angry, scared or even sad.  He is enough.

Let thankfulness temper all our thoughts.  A thankful mind-set keeps us in touch with Him.  He hates it when His children grumble, casually despising His sovereignty.  Thankfulness is a safeguard against this deadly sin.  Furthermore, a grateful attitude becomes a grid through which you perceive life.  Gratitude enables us to see the light of His presence shining on all of our circumstances.  Cultivate a thankful heart, for this glorifies Him and fills us with joy.
1 Corinthians 10:10; Hebrews 12:28-29

Let It Go

So far I think I have done a pretty good job letting go of certain things and giving it to God.  Other things, however, are harder to let go of.  My need for control is one of those things.  After a non-stop weekend and a visit from my monthly friend, I did not have the energy to wake up at 5 this morning.  As you know, last week I started waking up that early to spend quiet time with the Lord, and to get my workout in without interruptions.  Well this morning we slept in for as long as we could, which resulted in a frantic morning.  So here I am at 9:33 am, spending quiet time with the Lord while drinking my morning smoothie.  Then I need to schedule my workout in sometime today.  But the problem I seem to be having is a lack of energy, bad cramps and backache.  I could take the day off, but I cannot leave one day unchecked on my T25 calendar!  That is unacceptable!  Then there's laundry, which I swear I just did a load yesterday, and Caleb.  Since we slept in, we missed out on going to a fun place, so I owe it to him to do something fun here.  Sleeping in this morning just ruined my whole day.  Now my schedule is off, which makes me stressed.

This is a time in my life when I must learn to let go:  of loves ones, of possessions, of control.  In order to let go of something, I need to rest in His presence, where I am complete.  As I relax more and more, my grasping hand gradually opens up, releasing it into His care.  I can feel secure through awareness of His continual presence.  He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  As I release more and more things into His care, remember that He never lets go of my hand.  Herein lies my security, which no one and no circumstance can take from me.
Psalm 89:15; Hebrews 13:8; Isaiah 41:13

I have three small children who are in constant demand.  I am in a season of life where I cannot control everything.  My goal is to wake up every morning at 5, but it does not mean it is going to happen.  Non-stop weekends, interrupted sleep, late nights, all contribute to sleeping in.  But that is ok.  There will come a time in my life where a weekend will not be filled with kid birthday parties, or kids crying in the middle of the night, or late nights because a kid refuses to sleep.  Maybe then my life can be schedule oriented, but right now it changes from day to day.  But I should embrace each season of life because it brings something different.  And I know one day I will miss this season and would do anything to get it back.

Petitions

In Matthew 7:7 it states, "ask and it shall be given to you", but I had a problem approaching God with the desires of my own heart.  I felt selfish demanding for things I thought were insignificant.  But I got to a point in my life where I knew what I wanted, where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be.  I had a blueprint for my life; I just needed God to confirm that my blueprint aligned with His.  So I started praying, asking God to show me.  Petitioning to Him my requests, and asking Him to give me what my heart desires.  As I sat in church this morning, I realized how blessed I am.  Over the years, God has poured out his blessings onto me and my family.  He might not have granted all of my wishes, but He did grant the most important ones.  He reminds me today to not be afraid to ask, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

He is a God of both intricate detail and overflowing abundance.  When we entrust the details of our lives to Him, we are surprised by how thoroughly He answers our petitions.  He takes pleasure in hearing our prayers, so feel free to bring Him our requests.  The more we pray, the more answers we can receive.  Our faith is strengthened as we see how precisely He responds to our specific prayers.  He is infinite in all His ways.  He will never run out of resources.  Abundance is at the very heart of who He is.  Go to Him in joyful expectation of receiving all we need.  He delights in showering blessings on His beloved children.  Go to Him with open hands and heart, ready to receive all He has for us.
Psalm 36:7-9; Psalm 132:15; John 6:12-13

I forgot to report yesterday my weigh-in results.  I am down another pound, making it 3 pounds until I reach my pre-pregnancy weight.  I am feeling very good about myself, and it has affected my energy and confidence.  Changing the emotional and mental part of this journey has allowed me to change the physical part.  This journey is not just about shedding pounds, but baggage as well.

The Two T's

Rejoice and be thankful.  As we walk with Him through this day, practice trusting and thanking Him along the way.  Trust is the channel through which His presence flows into us.  Thankfulness lifts us up above our circumstances.  He does His greatest works through people with grateful, trusting hearts.  Rather than planning and evaluating, practice trusting and thanking Him.  This shift will revolutionize our lives.
Philippians 4:4; Psalm 95:1-2; Psalm 9:10

This year I am embarking on several journeys.  With each journey that I am on, I need to trust the Lord to carry me through it.  There are good days and there are bad days, but the good far outweigh the bad.  Already the Lord has shown Himself in a mighty way.  Practicing trust and thankfulness is a daily thing.  It is something I have to work on everyday, especially when it is a bad day.  But God doesn't give me more than I can handle, and in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.

Inside Out

It is amazing to see that when you surrender something to the Lord, He blesses it.  That thing that you have struggled with for so long becomes easier to manage, when you trust God to do what He does best.  He has plans to prosper us, not harm us; to give us hope and a future.  So instead of trying to do things my way, and becoming frustrated when things do not go as planned, I will do things His way.  I have done things my way for so long, and it never works out.  I am weak in many areas, so I need to rely on His strength to carry me through.

Trust Him and do not be afraid, for He is our strength and song.  His power is unlimited.  Human weakness draws His power into our neediness.  However, fear can block flow of His strength into us.  Instead of being afraid, concentrate on trusting Him.  When we have confident trust in Him, there is no limit to how much He can strengthen us.  Remember that He is our song.  He wants us to share His joy, living in conscious awareness of His presence.  Rejoice as we journey together toward heaven.  Join Him in singing His song.
Isaiah 12:2-3; Psalm 21:6

Tomorrow is STAT day.  Instead of just weighing myself, I will also be measuring my arms, thighs, chest and waist.  I have started T25 this week and I absolutely love it!  It's short and intense!  I have also gone back to counting my calories.  There are some days when I am just absolutely starving, so I will listen to my body, even if that means I eat extra calories.  During this weight loss journey, I have realized that it is not about just changing the physical aspect, it's about the emotional and mental too.  If I do not change all three during this journey, I will ultimately fail in the end.  That is why my weight has always been an issue.  I find it so ironic that the theme of VBS at our church this year is Inside Out.  That is my journey this year; to change from the inside out, not outside in, like it has been for many years.

Thank Him

I loved being up early yesterday and spending quiet time with the Lord in peace, and getting my workout in before the day started.  So I decided to wake up at 5:00 am this morning as well.  As I mentioned several posts ago, we are a one-car family.  There are some days I feel like marching into a dealership and purchasing a vehicle, regardless of the monthly payment.  That is not to say we can afford any amount, but adding a second car payment will be less stressful than sharing a car.  Yesterday Jeremy calls me and tells me that his uncle has a friend who is selling his OLD Ford Ranger for $800.  He just replaced the transmission and put a fresh coat of paint on.  Now I am all about saving money, but I have a problem with old clunkers.  I am afraid that after a couple of months, we will be dumping more money into it than it is worth.  Not to mention that even though Jeremy will have a vehicle, he still wants a diesel truck.  So why not skip the clunker and go ahead and purchase that diesel truck.  But God spoke to me this morning:

Thank Him for the glorious gift of His Spirit.  As we bring Him the sacrifice of thanksgiving, regardless of our feelings, His Spirit is able to work more freely within us.  This produces more thankfulness and more freedom, until we are overflowing with gratitude.  He showers blessings on us daily, but sometimes we don't perceive them.  When our mind is stuck on a negative focus, we see neither Him nor His gifts.  In faith, thank Him for whatever is preoccupying our mind.  This will clear the blockage so that we can find Him.
2 Corinthians 5:5; 2 Corinthians 3:17; Psalm 50:14

He reminds me that I should not focus so much on clunker vs. newer car.  It is about Him providing for us during our time of need.  We need a second vehicle, and God has made a way for us to be able to afford one.  I just do not perceive this blessing because I am focused so much on the negative aspects of owning an old car.  Who knows, this truck might be the best vehicle we have ever owned.  I should not label it because it is old.  I need to be thankful regardless of my feelings on the situation.

God's Vessel

It is 5:15 am and I am sitting on the couch, coffee in one hand, devotional in the other, and my laptop open.  I hear it humming softly as I sit here trying to apply this morning's devotional to my life, but my mind is blank; I have nothing.  I begin to wonder, is it too early?  After two months of blogging, am I done?  Do I have nothing else to give?  But God made me realize that this isn't about me.  Spending quiet time with Him is not about what He can do for me.  It is about what He can do with me.  Every page of this devotional is Him speaking to me about His love and His presence.  Who cares if I cannot apply it to a personal experience.  How selfish to think that God placed this book in my care to have it only apply to me.  Here is today's devotional, and I know it will speak to all of us.

He speaks to us from the depths of our being.  Hear Him say soothing words of peace, assuring us of His love.  Do not listen to voices of accusation, for they are not from Him.  He speaks in love-tones, lifting us up.  His Spirit convicts cleanly, without crushing words of shame.  Let the Spirit take charge of our minds.  Be transformed by the truth that He lives within us.  Let His light shine in us; do not dim it with worries or fears.  Holiness is letting Him live through us.  Since He dwells in us, we are fully equipped to be holy.  Pause before responding to people or situations, giving His Spirit space to act through us.  He wants to inhabit all our moments, gracing our thoughts, words and behavior.
Romans 8:1-2; Colossians 1:27; 1 Corinthians 6:19

I was awaken by Jeremy this morning as He was getting ready for work.  By the time he left, I was fully awake.  Instead of trying to go back to sleep, only to wake up an hour or so later, I decided to have coffee and spend time with the Lord in peace and quiet.  It is during this time, when it is utterly quiet, that He speaks to me from the depths of my being.  When there is no distraction, and it is just me and the Lord, He reveals to me about how selfish I have been.  I started this blog so that I can allow God to heal me, hoping that through each devotional I can be transformed.  While I have made some great improvements, there are days when I feel like it's one step forward, two steps back.  I read and blog, only to go back to the person I want to change.  But I am a work in progress, and even though I have changes that need to be made, I know that this blog is a tool to reach others as well.  I am a vessel of God, here to do His works, not my own.

Forget About Tomorrow

When you have three kids, 40 minutes in carpool to look forward to, errands to run, social gatherings to attend, a workout video to fit in, never ending laundry to do and quiet time with the Lord to spend, you can only get through a day like that with an itinerary.  Last night as I laid in bed wide awake because I drank a cup of green tea at 8:00 pm, forgetting that there is caffeine in green tea, I went over my mental itinerary.  Each activity had its own time slot, with a start and an end time.  I had to be my own drill sergeant if I was to accomplish all that I had on my list.  So when my alarm went off this morning, I did not hesitate to get up.  I know I sound crazy, but this works for me.  I would go insane in this chaos if I did not have some sort of order in my head.

Trust Him one day at a time.  This keeps us close to Him, responsive to His will.  Trust is not a natural response.  Exert our will to trust Him in all circumstances.  Don't let our need to understand distract us from His presence.  He will equip us to get through this day victoriously as we live in deep dependence on Him.  Tomorrow is busy worrying about itself.  Trust Him one day at a time.
Psalm 84:12; Matthew 6:34

What really caught my attention in today's devotional was "tomorrow is busy worrying about itself."  I am sure the green tea had a big part in why I had insomnia last night, but worry played a bigger part.  Worry that I was not going to get all that I needed to get done.  Worry that I was not going to get my workout in before MOPS.  Worry that I was going to run behind, and that was inevitable.  I was running extremely behind this morning.  But did it throw my whole day off...no.  So instead of worrying about tomorrow, and making a mental itinerary, I need to trust God to get me through my day.  Life will throw curveballs, but if I trust in God, He will help me through it.  God has taught me priorities.  It is not about checking off mental checklists.  It is about spending time wisely.  So what if I have two loads of laundry to do.  Spending quality time with my family is what matters most.  I don't always practice what I preach, but I must always try and remember that I will always have laundry, but I will never have this time back.

Measuring Up

One of my biggest frustrations is when I feel misunderstood.  For example, when Jeremy makes a comment such as "there is never any food in this house", I get defensive and he does not know why.  When you live life with high expectations of yourself, it is easy to allow simple comments to become targets pointed at you.  I feel like I am constantly defending myself and explaining my actions.  I feel like I have to live up to everyone's expectations, including my own, and when comments get thrown at me, I feel like I am failing.  Simply said, I am a people pleaser.

Go to Him for understanding since He knows me far better than I know myself.  He comprehends me in all my complexity.  He views me through eyes of grace.  Allow the light of His presence to shine into the deepest recesses of my being; cleansing, healing, refreshing and renewing me.  Trust Him enough to accept the full forgiveness that He offers me continually.  This great gift, which cost Him His life, is mine for all eternity.  When no one else seems to understand me, simply draw closer to Him.  He understands me completely and loves me perfectly.
Psalm 139: 1-4; 2 Corinthians 1:21-22; Joshua 1:5

The only person I need to please is the Lord.  Nobody else has to understand me because the Lord understands me completely, and loves me in all my imperfections.  Even though I do not forgive myself for my imperfections, He does.  He did not give up His life for nothing.  He gave it up so that we can know the full extent of His love.  I need to accept this gift graciously and humbly, knowing that He will never stop loving me, even though I do not measure up.  I can stop defending myself because He is my defender.  I do not have to measure up to anyone's standards because He loves me just the way I am.  Unconditional love is the only love I need to seek.  That kind of love will heal me and free me.

It's Him, Not Me

Committing to this blog has not been easy.  There are days when I have to "fit" it in.  Don't get me wrong, this blog has been so great for me, but when you are a mom of three, and a part-time single mother, it is hard to find the time.  The weekends are especially hard because Jeremy is off and we spend a lot of family time together.  Today is no exception.  After spending another busy day together, I am just now sitting down to write this blog.  Granted, 8:43 is not late, but I just finished making a batch of pancakes to freeze for the week, and the kitchen is a mess.  It was a toss up between cleaning the kitchen or writing my blog entry.  Obviously the blog won, as it should have.

It is good that we recognize our weaknesses.  That keeps us looking to Him, our strength.  Abundant life is not necessarily health and wealth; it is living in continual dependence on Him.  Instead of trying to fit this day into a preconceived mold, relax and be on the lookout for what He is doing.  Don't take ourselves so seriously.  He can equip us to do anything, as long as it is His will.  Anxiety wraps us up in ourselves, trapping us in our own thoughts.  Focus on Him, and we will find peace in His presence.
Philippians 4:13; Proverbs 17:22

As I learned in the Gideon study, our weaknesses unlock God's strength.  If we were perfect, we would have no need for God.  And as I have said before, I seem to read these devotionals at just the perfect time; His perfect time.  I would love to wake up before sunrise and do this, but it is just not realistic in my season of life.  There are days when I can blog after carpool, and there are days when I do not get to it until just before bedtime.  But whatever time it is, it is at that moment that I was meant to read that day's devotional.  God doesn't make mistakes.  And no matter what my day looks like, He can equip me to do anything.  His strength, not mine.

Ask, Seek And Knock

Next week marks the beginning of my new 10 week workout program.  I purchased the T25 program, and I am excited to see how it will transform my body.  Having just come out of a deload week, and beginning a whole new program next week, I have been unmotivated to go hardcore this week.  I only worked out three times and ate more than my allotted calories.  However, I felt like my body needed to come back slow.  So this week, I listened to my body.  I stopped obsessing and did what was best for my mind and body. 

Listen to the love song that I am continually singing to you.  I take great delight in you.  The voices of the world are a cacophony of chaos, pulling you this way and that.  Don't listen to those voices; challenge them with His Word.  Learn to take minibreaks from the world, finding a place to be still in His presence.  Though He pours out blessings upon you always, some of His richest blessings have to be actively sought.  Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
Zephaniah 3:17; Matthew 7:7

After I read this morning's devotional, I have come to realize that this week wasn't about right vs. wrong; how many calories I was consuming, how many days I exercised, how intense I went with my workouts.  It was about the mental and emotional aspects of my journey.  The stuff that has to change, along with my physical aspects, in order to succeed.  When I went to bed last night, I began to think about how I would feel if I gained after the week that I had.  But instead of freaking out, I was at peace about it.  This is a lifelong journey, and I never promised myself that it was going to be easy.  There will be good days and bad.  I will have success, as well as failure.  But God loves me no matter what, shortcomings and all.  I will not live my life allowing the world to tell me what to do.  I am going to actively seek God because that is where I find contentment amidst the demands of this world. 

With all that being said, I weighed myself this morning and I lost a pound.  I am surprised because I have not done so great this week, but like I said before and will continue saying (and I guess that is why Jeremy always calls me peat and repeat...hahaha), "seek the Kingdom of God first, and everything else will follow."

Let Go

The past few devotionals, God has been talking on trust.  Is He trying to tell me something?  I mean, of course I trust Him!  But I know that I am only fooling myself if I think I have given him FULL control.  There are many aspects of my life where it's 30/70; He's got three fingers wrapped around it, while I got all 7 holding onto it for dear life. 

Do not hesitate to receive joy from Him, for He bestows it on us abundantly.  The more we rest in His presence, the more freely His blessings flow into us.  It is through spending time with Him that we realize how wide, long, high and deep His love is for us.  Sometimes the relationship He offers us seems too good to be true.  Receive and believe.  As we trust Him more and more, we are able to receive Him and His blessings abundantly.
2 Corinthians 3:18; Ephesians 3:17-19; Psalm 46:10

For some things, I do not give Him full control because I do not trust Him to get me where I want to be; most likely because His will might be different from mine, and I am scared to find out.  For other things, I feel like I need to have more control than Him because oftentimes I feel like it is my performance that will warrant His blessings.  But He reminds me that His love is wide, long, high and deep.  That He FREELY wants to give me joy, and bless me abundantly.  He does not have high expectations of me.  He just wants my time, my heart and my undivided attention.

Above And Beyond

Living life as a one-income family is rough.  Some weeks it is tight; and when it is tight, it makes it difficult to want to tithe.  As I have shared before, my husband has been led to tithe more than the 10% we are called to give.  Even though we give back to the Lord with no ulterior motive, sometimes I wonder when God is going to start blessing us.  Just yesterday, out of frustration and stress, I told Jeremy that I did not want to tithe this week.  Thankfully, he stood his ground and said that is not an option. 

Learn to live above your circumstances.  This requires focused time with Him, the One who overcame the world.  Trouble and distress are in this world.  Only His life in you can empower you to face this endless flow of problems with good cheer.  As you sit quietly in His presence, He shines peace into your troubled mind and heart.  Little by little, you are freed from earthly shackles and lifted up above your circumstances.  You gain His perspective on your life, enabling you to distinguish between what is important and what is not.
John 16:33; John 16:22

This morning at bible study, a woman shared with us about how God used a circumstance in her life.  Her house got broken into, and everything of value had been stolen.  While tragic, she said that God began to show her things.  How those stolen goods were just stuff, and that she should be storing treasures in heaven, and not on this earth.  I received a quote from MOPS that I still have hanging on my pantry.  It says "Put God first.  Everything else is just stuff."  I need to remember that when I am stressing out about finances.  What does money really bring us anyway; stuff.  It's just a way for me to store up treasures here on earth.  That is not what is important, and if I gain God's perspective on my life, it will allow me to distinguish between what is important and what is not.

The Waiting Game

In my life, I feel like I play the waiting game A LOT!  And in the meantime, I live some days in a blur because I want to fast forward to the end of the game.  Currently, I am waiting on God to tell me what my next step is going to be.  With all three of my children in school next year (some only part-time), I wonder if this marks the end of my stay-at-home career.  I have 6 more months until next year's school starts, and I need God to give me a game plan.  It makes me anxious when I do not have my next move lined up. 

Waiting, trusting and hoping are intricately connected, like golden strands interwoven to form a strong chain.  Trusting is the central strand because it is the response from His children that He desires the most.  Waiting and hoping embellish the central strand and strengthen the chain that connects us to Him.  Waiting is evidence that we trust Him.  Hoping is future-directed.  Because we are His, we don't just pass time in our waiting.  We can wait expectantly, in hopeful trust.  Keep our "antennae" out to pick up even the faintest glimmer of His presence.
John 14:1; Psalm 27:14; Hebrews 6:18-20

I need to trust and know that God will reveal His plan to me at His perfect time.  My job is to wait, and not just pass the time, but to wait expectantly knowing that God has a specific plan in mind.  My hopes should be high because God knows what is best for me, and knows the desires of my heart.  Even if my will does not align with His, His will is perfect.  He has my best interest in mind.  So I need to live life one day at a time.  God will lead me every step of the way. 

Through Him

After dropping my two oldest children off at school, I took my youngest son to the park.  We played all morning, had a picnic lunch and then went back to preschool to pick up Chandler.  Once we got home, I laid both boys down for a nap, ran my first hot load with bleach (to clean my washing machine), and changed into my workout clothes.  This past weekend was daylight savings time.  Even though we only lost an hour of sleep, I feel like I lost 3.  I am so tired, all I want to do is crawl into bed and take a nap.  But a mom's job is never done.  After the first hot load with bleach is finished, it has to be followed up with a hot load with white vinegar.  Lately our clothes have not been smelling clean, so Pinterest instructed me to clean my machine this way.  I also have to fit in a workout and a shower, all before my daughter gets home from school in a couple of hours.  Instead of rushing into my next activity, I decided to rest, sit on the couch and do my devotional instead.

Walk by faith, not by sight.  As we take steps of faith, depending on Him, He will show us how much He can do for us.  If we live our lives too safely, we will never know the thrill of seeing Him work through us.  When He gave us His Spirit, He empowered us to live beyond our natural ability and strength.  That is why it is so wrong to measure our energy level against the challenges ahead of us.  The issue is not our strength but His, which is limitless.  By walking close to Him, we can accomplish His purposes in His strength.
2 Corinthians 5:7; Galatians 5:25

I can either push myself to exhaustion, or I can take a moment and allow God to supply me with his limitless strength.  I cannot depend on my own strength because eventually, it will run out.  This is just another example of us needing God.  Confessing that we cannot do things apart from Him.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

A Reminder

We are His for all time.  No power can deny us our inheritance in heaven.  He wants us to realize how secure we are.  Even if we falter as we journey through life, He will never let go of our hand.  Knowing that our future is absolutely assured can free us to live abundantly today.  He has prepared this day for us.  Instead of approaching it as a blank page that needs to be filled up, try living it in a responsive mode.  His way is perfect.
Psalm 37:23-24; Psalm 18:30

We are all in need of a reminder that no matter how many mistakes we make, God will never forsake us.  We are His forever.  There is nothing we can do to lose His love for us.  Therefore, we can live freely without expectations weighing us down.  We can stop beating ourselves up for mistakes.  Learn from them and move on. 

I am one for busy schedules.  Maybe not everyday, but when I have days that I can lounge around, I feel unused by God.  But He assures me today that not every blank page has to be filled up.  Just go with what God has called me to do that day.  It might be to just be still and know that He is God.  There are many ways God uses us, and one way is not greater than another.

I get burned out by home videos very easily.  However, in this stage of life, that is really all I can do.  I know I need to mix it up so that I stay on track, and I do.  There are many days that I just go for a walk instead.  I have done Jillian Michaels Revolution for a year.  Then I went to Turbo Fire, and am still at it.  I started that workout since last summer.  So now I am moving onto T25.  I am so excited to start that program.  One of my best workouts are high intensity interval training, and that is what T25 is all about.  Now with all these programs, you would think I am slender and toned.  That is far from the truth!  But I have to say, I have never counted calories, or even ate healthy during all these years of working out.  So I must say, it is 70% what you eat.  It wasn't until I grasped that concept that the weight started really coming off.  I feel healthier, lighter and energized.  And I strongly believe it is because I changed the way I eat.  Like I said before, this journey will not end when I have a body that is Victoria Secret approved.  It is a lifelong journey because it is not just about changing my body, but everything on the inside.

Some R & R

This weekend has been a pretty easy, relaxing weekend.  My 4 year old son, who is strong-willed and high-strung, spent the weekend at my in-laws.  My in-laws kept a couple of my nephews for the weekend, so Chandler wanted to go up there and be with the boys.  At our household, we had my niece for the weekend, so her and my daughter kept an eye on our 2 year old son, Caleb, while Jeremy worked in the yard and I did my own thing.  Over the weekend, I spent my time volunteering at our MOPS consignment sale, shopping with a friend, going out to dinner and running to Costco without stress.  It was so nice to be out, knowing that my husband was not overwhelmed, because he had help watching Caleb.  Sunday night it is back to reality.

Rest in His radiant presence.  There is a cushion of calm at the center of our lives, where we live in union with Him.  Return to this soothing center as often as we can, for this is where we are energized:  filled with His love, joy and peace.  The world is a needy place.  Learn to depend on Him alone, and our weakness will become saturated with His power.  Live in the light of His presence, and our light will shine brightly into the lives of others.
Galatians 5:22; 1 John 4:12

Just like when we are away from our kids to regroup and get energized, we need to go to this soothing center that God talks about.  That is where we are filled with his love, joy and peace.  That is where I can go to take a break.  To get a moment when everything around me seems chaotic.  Everyone depends on me for everything, but I can depend on God.  I can be filled with His power so that I can make a positive impact in our household. 

A Changed Perspective

This morning I read on instagram that health is beauty; to strive for that rather than a perfect outside image.  Even though I am overall happy with my progress, there are days when I feel like I failed.  For example, when I go over my calories or take a day off from exercise.  Even if I achieve my goal, I am pretty sure I will find something else that's flawed, and work on that.  It is just a never-ending vicious cycle with me.  But at least I have my health.  Even if I do not have the perfect body, I feel amazing.  I have never felt healthier than I do at this moment.  I am reminded this morning that I need to stop reaching for things that will never bring contentment. 

Save our best striving for seeking His face.  We must seek Him above all else.  Anything that we desire more than Him becomes an idol.  Instead of single-mindedly pursuing some goal, talk with Him about it.  Let the light of His presence shine on this pursuit so that we can see it from His perspective.  If the goal fits into His plans for us, He will help us reach it.  If it contrary to His will for us, He will gradually change the desire of our hearts.  Seek Him first and foremost; then the rest of our lives will fall into place, piece by piece.
1 Chronicles 16:11; Matthew 6:33

God's will for me is to be healthy, not to have a perfect body.  He does not care about the outside of me, but the inside.  If I can see my journey through His perspective, then the pressure is off.  He will help me attain my goals.  I can stop beating myself up for mistakes because my perspective has changed.  My weight-loss journey, my blog, my life; it is all to bring Him glory.  To show people what God has done, and is still doing.  Changing my perspective is the key to changing my mindset.

Own It

Last week, the second session of ladies bible study commenced.  I decided to do a study by Jennie Allen, titled Stuck.  There are many different reasons why I chose this study, but the main reason is because I feel stuck in my role as a stay-at-home mom.  As my kids get older, the less they depend on me.  I feel lost.  I need to find a new identity; one that does not define me by title.  But God showed me something else during our second meeting yesterday.  He showed me that I was still holding onto my past.  Holding onto things I need to let go because they are still affecting me as an adult.  The need to impress, the need to perform, the need to be and look my best in order to be accepted.  To think that the inside is not good enough.  It is all about the outside; appearance, status and performance.  That is why my brain never shuts off.  My mind is constantly filled with things to do to improve myself, my family, my life. 

When it came down to prayer requests in our small group, I asked the ladies to pray for my healing.  To not complete this study to just say one down, another one to come.  To really use this study, and devotional blogging, to truly heal my past hurts and move on a different person.  To not put expectations on people because I put expectations on myself.  To love and accept people for who they are.  To see myself the way God sees me.  To know that it is okay to not have everyone's approval.  As long as I have God's; His is the only one that matters.

Let Him help me through this day.  The challenges I face are far too great for me to handle alone.  I am keenly aware of my helplessness in the scheme of events I face.  I can go it alone or walk with Him in humble steps of dependence.  So consider it all joy whenever I am enveloped in various trials.  These are gifts from Him, reminding me to rely on Him alone.
Psalm 63:7-8; James 1:2-3

Ending on a good note, I have completed my deloading week without gaining or losing.  Even though I was anxious during it, I am glad I went through it.  It gave my body, and my mind, the rest it needed.  I am now back on the hardcore track.  Will be for about 5 weeks until I deload again.  I planned my next deloading week for the week of my birthday.  Thought it would be a great way to start off that depressing day.  Just lay in bed, eating junk because my life is over...I am now 34.  Okay, a bit of an exaggeration, but every year my birthday rolls around, the closer I get to 40.  But the 40's is the new 30's, right?!  I thought I would hate the day I turned 30, but the 30's have been the best years of my life.  So the 40's will probably be even better.

Obedience vs. Obligation

As I lay in bed this morning, I realize that something that once was called obedience somehow rephrased itself to obligation.  There I was, soaking my pillow with tears, not understanding why I was still having problems, even though I felt like I was being obedient to God.  But the things God has called me to do, I once did with a cheerful heart, but now it seems as if I just added it to my checklist of things to do.  I also realized that I had replaced my intimate time with God with those acts of obedience, thinking they were the same thing.  But even at this stage of life, I realize that I need God.  That my intimate relationship with Him cannot be replaced.  That is where I go to bare my heart.  To cast all my cares and worries.  To present my requests with thanksgiving.  To worship and praise Him.  I am not in continual communication with Him if I neglect my quiet time.  That act of obedience should surpass them all.

Continue on this path with Me, enjoying My presence even in adversity.  I am always before you, as well as alongside you.  I am everywhere at every time, ceaselessly working on your behalf.  That is why your best efforts are trusting Me and living close to Me.
Hebrews 7:25; Psalm 37:3-4

Tomorrow is my weigh day.  I am worried that I have gained.  But after talking to a couple of people about deloading, I have learned that it is beneficial in the long-term, even if you gain in the short-term.  My friend has even said that during weeks when she gives herself an extra 100 calories per day, she loses more that week than any other week.  So if I gain tomorrow, it's okay because I know that I will continue losing.  What is one week out of a lifetime.  Besides, I will have more of these weeks to come because I know that I need to make deloading a part of my journey.  So instead of worrying, I need to enjoy these breaks.  I have come a long way, and I am not about to let one week ruin all that I have worked hard for.  I never want to go back to the place I was.  God is transforming me, one day at a time.

One-Car Family

We are a one-car family.  Have been for years now.  With my husband traveling a lot, we never had a need for a second vehicle.  But here lately in our season of life, it is becoming difficult.  Jeremy parks his big truck at a parking lot, and we go pick him up.  Doesn't sound too bad huh?  It wasn't when he was gone all week.  But now that he is home more often, the problem I run into is that he needs to be picked up at such inconvenient times, whether it is during nap time, bed time, gymnastics time, any time but convenient times.  This morning is when I about had it with the one car situation, and the inconvenient times.  It is 4:40 am and Jeremy wakes me up, asking me to take him to his truck so he can get a head start on the day.  If I was a cartoon character, steam would be coming out of my ears all the way to the parking lot.  I was cranky, moody and just plain ole mean!

Make friends with the problems in our lives.  Many things may feel random and wrong, but remember that He is sovereign over everything.  He can fit everything into a pattern for good, but only to the extent that we trust Him.  Every problem can teach us something, transforming us little by little into the masterpiece He created us to be.  The very same problem can become a stumbling block in which we fall if we react with distrust and defiance.  Thank God for our problems.  It opens our minds to the possibility of benefits flowing from our difficulties.  He will not necessarily remove our problems, but His wisdom is sufficient to bring good out of every one of them.
Romans 8:28; 1 Corinthians 1:23-24

As the day passed, I began to feel bad about the way I acted.  Jeremy works hard for us so we can be financially stable on one income.  I could at least do my part and pick him up and drop him off, even if it is at inconvenient times.  It is difficult to be a one-car family, but God has our best interest in mind when we are faced with a difficulty.  God has put us through many trials.  But something good always came out of each one, and we are transformed and matured in our faith because of them.  It is difficult when going through a trial, but looking back I am always thankful that He put us there.

What Do You Live For?

I am over halfway done with my deload week, and I am so worried about my weigh-in on Friday.  Not only have I not worked out with high intensity, but I have failed on the nutritional aspect of my diet.  I stare at myself everyday in the mirror, looking for areas of my body that has been affected by this week.  I know one week cannot make a huge difference on the scale, but when you are obsessive and compulsive like me about weight, every ounce counts.  Today at MOPS we had a guest speaker.  She spoke on how she lived for her mom.  How she lived to make her happy.  When she heard news of her mom's cancer coming back, she knelt down on her knees and asked God, who is she to live for once her mom is gone.  And God answered her back, saying that she should have been living for Him all along.

All week I live for my weigh day.  I live to see what that scale says.  To see if that scale reflects all the blood, sweat and tears I have poured into myself.  I know that deloading is needed and beneficial, but this week has been the hardest week of my journey.  If I gain at the end of this, I will have failed.  What have I lived for for these past 6 weeks?  All of it would have been for nothing.  But sitting here I am reminded that I need to live for God.  I need to release all my worries to Him.  That He sees me on this journey, and that I am not alone. 

Refuse to worry!  In this world there will always be something enticing me to worry.  The best defense is continual communication with Him, richly seasoned with thanksgiving.  Awareness of His presence fills my mind with light and peace, leaving no room for fear.  This awareness lifts me up above my circumstances, enabling me to see problems from His perspective.
Luke 12:25-26; 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

As I said in the very beginning of my blog; Seek the Kingdom of God first, and everything else will follow.  My motives for losing weight has to be right before God.  Taking care of my holy temple is an act of worship.  God will honor my faithfulness and obedience if my motives are pure.  Worrying is a sin, over-indulgence is a sin, and I have done both this week.  So now, I am going to do a low intensity workout, and leave the rest to God.  The scale does not have any bearing on how God sees me.  I need to live for God, and He will take care of everything else.

Who Am I?

Today I am feeling kind of bummed.  I feel like no matter how hard I try, I am not worthy of God's love.  I feel like no matter how merciful God is towards me, I keep on letting Him down.  I feel like no matter how forgiving He is, my sins are getting old.  But this is what He says to me today.

I love you for who you are, not for what you do.  Many voices vie for control of your mind, especially when you sit in silence.  You must learn to discern what is My voice and what is not.  Many of My children run around in circles, trying to obey the various voices directing their lives.  This results in fragmented, frustrating patterns of living.  Walk closely with Me each moment, listening for My directives.  My sheep know My voice and follow Me wherever I lead.
Ephesians 4:1-6; John 10:4

My problem is, I try to appease everyone.  I try to win people's favor.  It is very frustrating and exhausting to perform in order to be accepted.  To be a different person at different times in order to fit in.  The only acceptance I need is God's.  I need to only try and please Him.  His love is unconditional.  He loves me for who I am, not what I do or can do for Him.  He has no expectations from me, and that should set me free to be who I am.

Deloading

Friday marked my first day of deload week.  I took Friday and Saturday off, and today I went for a walk around my neighborhood.  Off to a good start right?  NOT!!  I totally bombed on the nutrition aspect.  My problem is I am an all or nothing kind of gal.  Taking two days off gave me rights to eat whatever I wanted.  I went all out, holding nothing back.  Boy am I paying for it today.  My stomach is all torn up, and I must have spent the majority of my time in the bathroom.  Now here I am, feeling like a failure, wishing that I never started a deload week.  I even contemplated on going hardcore again, starting tomorrow.  But I know it is wise to give my body a break, but I cannot get my body and my mind to sync.

He is the resurrection and the life.  People search for life in many wrong ways:  chasing after fleeting pleasures, accumulating possessions and wealth, trying to deny the inevitable effects of aging.  Meanwhile, He offers abundant life to everyone who turns toward Him.  Joy and glory are His, but He bestows them on us as He lives in our presence, inviting Him to live fully in us.
John 11:25; Matthew 11:28-29; 1 Peter 1:8-9

I need to start thinking of exercise as a form of health and wellness, a way of life.  I do not need it to give my life meaning.  I do not need it to determine my mood.  I do not need it to define who I am.  God is the only one who can provide me with joy, meaning and purpose.  If I gain weight at my next weigh-in day, at least I had an awesome weekend of good food.  I do not need to beat myself up, or rethink my decisions.  Not only do I need to make deloading a part of my exercise program, but I need to make it a part of my life. To unload so I can allow God to work in me, and through me. 

Trust = Peace

Today marks the first day of spring sports season.  We enrolled our middle child in t-ball.  During the fall season, he participated in soccer.  However, he spent 80% of the time on the sidelines with me.  So we decided to let him try a different sport in hopes of finding something he enjoys.  That was an epic fail.  After 15 minutes of trying to convince him to partake in the sport, we decided to leave.  That was the end of that.  No more sports for him.  On the way home, my husband and I were thinking about other things we can put him in.  Karate perhaps, but that sport is sooooo expensive!  But if he enjoys it, then we will spend the money.  It is an investment.  But it is not the sport that is the problem, it is him.  My son is very strong-willed, very high-strung kind of kid.  He does not like being told what to do, when to do it or how to do it.  He plays very well outside in our backyard, but you put him out on the field and tell him to perform, he will not do it.  Everything is on HIS time.  So I feel at a loss for options.  I have anxiety about his future.  I am so worried that he will never get into an extracurricular activity, therefore not reaping the benefits of being involved.

As I mentioned yesterday, this week is my deload week.  I am going easy on my workouts and allowing myself a few extra calories.  I have even decided to take a break this weekend as part of my deload week.  Let me tell you, I have a lot of anxiety about this.  I have a lot of negativity going through my brain; I am throwing all my hard work down the drain, I am going to gain back every single pound, I am not going to get back on track, etc.  I am so scared that this deload week is going to lead me to fail altogether.

As you can see, it is only 10:51 am and I already have lots of anxieties.  It never lets up.  I am always worried about every aspect of my life.  I have learned that worrying is a sin because it keeps me from trusting in God, and trusting Him to work things out.  Trust me, I want to let it all go and trust Him.  That would ease my mind and my heart.  But there goes that control freak in me.  Not wanting to let it go completely.  But here is God, telling me to let it go. 

When something in my life or thoughts make me anxious, go to Him and talk about it.  Bring Him my prayer and petition with thanksgiving.  Though the lessons of trust that He sends me are wrapped in difficulties, the benefits far outweigh the cost.  Well-developed trust will bring me many blessings.  He promises to keep me in perfect peace if I just trust in Him.
Philippians 4:6; Isaiah 26:3