Constant Battle

As I shared with you yesterday, I let my insecurities get the best of me.  My biggest insecurity comes with being a stay at home mom.  Satan attacks me from every angle, telling me that I am a failure, I have no self-worth, I have no motivation, and the list goes on and on.  Oftentimes, I feel like this is what my husband thinks of me.  I am constantly bombarding him with questions, wanting assurance that he is happy with me.  I waste all my energy on this, instead of enjoying the time God has blessed me with at home.  But as I study Gideon today with my fellow ladies, God reminds me that this battle is spiritual warfare, and that I need to begin this battle on my knees.  I have come to realize that I have replaced prayer time with devotional blogging.  Even though blogging has been great for me, this is all head knowledge.  I need my heart to be changed, and the only way I can do that is to go before God and just unload, and let Him heal me.  To rest in His peace and presence, like the pages of this devotional have been telling me to do.  To actually do it, and not blog about it.

Go to Him and rest.  He is ready to bless and restore.  Lift up empty hands of faith to receive His presence.  Light, life, joy and peace flow freely through this gift.  Return to Him; regain His presence.
Matthew 11:28-29; 1 Timothy 2:8

I need to defeat Satan in this spiritual battle that has been ongoing for almost my entire life.  Talking negatively about myself to myself is not the way to live.  It has affected my mood, my husband, my kids and my life.  I need to see myself the way God sees me.  He finds me worthy to do His works.  He wants me to do what He has called me to do because He knows I can.  God's strategies do not make sense sometimes.  Look at me; I have an accounting background, but yet I am scrubbing toilets and wiping runny noses.  But if I am on God's path, His favor, His blessings and His guidance will be dispensed on me.  As Priscilla Shirer puts it, "God finds me worthy to entrust me with kids, to raise them to be warriors for God".  And that is the most important job I can have.

In other news, I am changing my weigh-in day to tomorrow, just for this week.  My husband and I are going out on a date tomorrow night, and I am feeding my body what it wants!  And I do not want to wake up Saturday morning feeling defeated because my scale reflects my horrible decisions from the night before.  A good friend once told me, I choose my weigh day.  I am in control, not my diet (I added this part.  I can't give her all the credit!  Haha).  And I have been meaning to share, but my WII Fit no longer says I am overweight.  My BMI is now in the "normal" zone.  Thought I would never see this day!!