Be Still

At ladies bible study yesterday, our teacher asked us to share one goal we had in life.  One of the ladies had shared that her goal for right now is to rest.  To be still, and not feel like she needs to constantly be doing something.  Last night I was talking to my sister-in-law, and I shared with her my anxieties about sending my last child to preschool; therefore, having three mornings to myself.  What should I do?  Should I find a part-time job?  Should I find something to dive myself into?  What do I need to do to fill up that time?  And my sister-in-law told me I can do all the things I am currently doing, but without kids.  I can exercise without someone needing something.  I can catch up on a movie without interruptions.  Or I can just rest and be still.

It never occurred to me that I was so focused on filling up my time because I did not want to be judged for being a stay-at-home mom, but with no kids to take care of.  I did not want people to think I was lazy, selfish or just did not want my kids around.  I did not want people to start judging me, or giving me ideas of what I should do with my time.  I've been asking God for discernment and guidance.  He has blessed me with time next year, and I want to use it the way He intends me to.  I wanted to start my day off with a devotional, and God met me there.

Stop judging and evaluating yourself, for this is not your role.  Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people.  This produces feelings of pride or inferiority.  I lead each of My children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made.  Therefore, comparing is meaningless.  Don't look for affirmation in the wrong places.  The only source of real affirmation is My unconditional love.  

Luke 6:37; John 3:16-17; Isaiah 61:10; Proverbs 3:11-12

Some ladies go back to work when all their children go off to school.  I am not saying I will never work again, but my heart is at home.  God has put that desire in my heart for a reason.  Growing up my parents were never there because they worked all the time.  I want to do the opposite.  I want to be there for every event; every party, every book fair, every game, every gymnastics meet.  My oldest child has been begging me to be "room mom" since she started school.  Well next year I will have the time to be "room mom", and I will do just that.  My job as a mom never ends, no matter how old or what grade my children are in.  My path in life has been specifically paved for me, by God.  Who am I to question His decision.  "Be still and know that I am God"  Psalm 46:10.

In other news, I weighed today instead of tomorrow.  My friend has informed me that I needed to deload for a week every so often.  So today is my day off, and for the next week I am just strictly walking without the intense workouts.  It will be good for my body.  My body has been screaming for rest, but I have been really pushing myself.  I figure the harder I go, the faster I'll lose, right?  But this journey is a lifelong journey.  I am not going to stop once I reach my goal weight.  So I am going to get there slow, healthy and safe.  So the result of my weigh in...down 2 pounds!

Live Today

As I have mentioned in my previous post, I am dealing with feelings of bitterness and anxiety.  I thought I had let those go, but they creep up at the most unexpected time.  I can't help but feel the need to have control over everything in my life.  That is the only way I can have order in my mind, and in my life.  If things do not go according to my blueprint, that's when those negative emotions arise.  But if I try to control everything, I will miss what God has in store for me.  I will miss those blessings, and I will forever live with those feelings that keep me imprisoned.

Keep my eyes on Him.  As my circumstances consume more and more of my attention, I am losing sight of Him.  My gravest danger is worrying about tomorrow.  If I try to carry tomorrow's burdens today, I will stagger under the load and eventually fall flat.  I must discipline myself to live within the boundaries of today.  Keep my focus on His presence in the present. 

Psalm 73:23; Corinthians 10:13

I need to live life to the fullest. To live each day like it is my last.  I started a new study today called Stuck.  How many times do we say to ourselves, our life will get easier once we reach blank.  My life will really start when I achieve blank.  Life does not wait for us to become who we want to be, or achieve what we want to achieve, in order to really start living it.  If I was born perfect in a perfect world, there would not be a need for God in me.  I need to start living life now because I will always be a work in progress.

Relax!

Jeremy and I have decided to enroll our youngest son in preschool next year.  He is only 2 years old, but we feel like the preschool program will benefit his development.  Upon enrolling him, I had contemplated whether to pick the two-day or the three-day program.  There are pros and cons to both days, and I just could not make up my mind.  I was hoping the preschool director would make the decision for me by just telling me one of those programs was already full, but that was not the case.  So there I was, staring at the registration form for what seemed like hours, trying to make the best decision I could.  Eventually I picked the three-day program.

I am a full-time stay-at-home mom.  Next year, I will have three mornings to myself.  I know it is months away from now, but I am anxious.  What would I do with my time?  What would I do without at least one of my kids attached to my hip?  What is the purpose of my life now?  So many questions and thoughts have gone through my brain since we made the decision.  So many emotions have come up, and I am having a hard time processing it all.  I am not sure where I stand now.  But reading today's devotional, God has eased my anxiety...for now at least.

He is leading me, step by step, through my life.  Hold His hand in trusting dependence, letting Him guide me through each day.  My future looks uncertain and feels flimsy, even precarious.  That is how it should be.  Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret things.  When I try to figure out the future, I am grasping at things that are His.  This form of worry means that I am doubting His promises to care for me.  Whenever I find myself worrying about the future, repent and return to Him.  He will show me the next step forward.  Relax and enjoy the journey in His presence, trusting Him to open up the way before me as I go.
Deuteronomy 29:29; Psalm 32:8

Slow Down!

As I was laying in bed last night, I began to go over in my mind the agenda for the next day.  I was trying to think of a time where I could fit in my workout.  I could do either really early in the morning or during nap time.  My husband left for work at 6 this morning, so since I was already up, I decided to exercise at 6:30.  There are many reasons why I hate working out that early, but my main reason is because I feel like I do not give 100%.  My body is still sleeping.  Therefore, I feel like the workout was kind of pointless.  Now it is 2:18 pm and my neighbor wants to go for a walk.  If only I didn't try to orchestrate how my day was going to go, I could have crawled back into bed this morning.  If only I could just let things go and not control everything, I wouldn't have had to beat myself up for having a so-so workout.  If only I had my priorities straight and read my devotional first, I would've stopped obsessing.

Rest in His presence, allowing Him to take charge of this day.  Do not bolt into the day like a racehorse suddenly released.  Instead, walk purposefully with Him, letting Him direct my course one step at a time.  Thank Him for each blessing along the way.  A grateful heart protects me from negative thinking.  Thankfulness enables me to see the abundance He showers upon me daily.  In everything give thanks, for this is His will for me.
Colossians 4:2; 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Everyday I have an agenda.  I bolt into each day as if it is a race.  Things are scheduled and I have to be on time, if not early.  But I need to let Him direct my course.  I need to be living a life according to His will.  That should be my first priority.

God Is Love

One thing we know about God is that God is love.  He is patient and wants us to come to repentance, and not perish, because He loves us.  We go through trials, not because He is punishing us, but it is all out of love.  I need to remember that when times are tough, and I question what I did wrong to deserve the punishment.  Our relationship with our Heavenly Father is same as our relationship with our own children.  We will love them no matter what.  We don't punish just because we are mean, but because we want to redirect and lead them on the right path.  We will never stop loving them, just as God will never stop loving us.

Be still in the light of His presence while He communicates love to us.  There is no force in the universe as powerful as His love.  There is no limit to His love; it fills all of space, time and eternity.  One day we will see Him face to face.  Then we will be able to experience fully His love for us.  The knowledge of His loving presence is sufficient to carry us through each day.
1 Corinthians 13:12; Ephesians 3:16-19

It's Not About Me

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, sometimes I get stuck somewhere between bitterness and self-pity.  I get in that mentality of "it's all about Ju", and if people do not jump on that bandwagon, that's where the self-pity comes in.  That mentality gets replaced with "nobody cares about Ju", and the self-pity turns into bitterness.  But God says...

Be on guard against the pit of self-pity.  When you are weary, this demonic trap is the greatest danger you face.  Don't even go near the edge of the pit.  Its edges crumble easily, and before you know it, you are on the way down.  And it is hard to get out of that pit.  Living close to Him will create a distance between you and the pit.  It is hard to feel sorry for yourself when you are praising and thanking Him.  Live in the light of His presence by fixing your eyes on Him.
Psalm 89:15-16; Hebrews 12:1-2

I have realized that I feel sorry for myself the most when I am weary.  But I can find rest with God.  I need to stay in continual communication with Him because like I said yesterday, it is easier to fall into those fleshly emotions and stay there than to make the conscious effort to not go there.  Bitterness and self-pity only hurts me and the people around me.  It's not an easy choice, but it's the smartest one.

Me, Myself And Ju

I don't know what it is, but lately I have been consumed with bitterness and self-pity.  It might be due to the fact that my parents live so far away; or that my husband travels, leaving me alone and lonely; or feeling like I am the only one with problems.  But having feelings of bitterness and self-pity does not solve a thing.  Actually it just makes everything worse.  But sometimes it's easier to sit there and loathe instead of handing it over to God, and letting Him take care of it. 

We need Him every moment.  Our awareness of our constant need for Him is our greatest strength.  However, there are pitfalls that we must be on guard against:  self-pity, self-preoccupation, giving up.  Our inadequacy presents us with a continual choice, deep dependence on Him or despair.  The emptiness we feel within will be filled either with problems or with His presence.  Make Him central in our consciousness by praying continually:  simple, short prayers flowing out of the present moment.

Bitterness and self-pity only hurts me.  It prevents me from growing and becoming the person I desire to be.

In other news, I have lost another pound, making it 10 pounds total.  There goes my first set of 10 pounds lost.  I am extremely proud of myself for continuing on this lifelong journey, and not giving up when times get tough.  I have ways to go, but I am headed in the right direction.

What Not To Wear

I love leggings.  They are about the only things I wear, pants wise.  They are comfortable, stretchy and gives you some tummy control.  The one thing I do hate about wearing leggings though is finding long enough shirts for coverage.  I never want to dress in a way that attracts attention, or makes me look, excuse my French, slutty.  This morning I had a very hard time looking for something to wear.  I stared at the clothes in my closet for hours it seemed like.  I finally settled on a white tank top with a white sweater.  I thought it was going to be long enough, but when I put it on, it barely does the job.  So I text my sister and a friend to get their opinions.  One says it's long enough, the other says borderline.  Well that's no help!  Haha.  So I settled on eating some lunch, reading my devotional and starting back at square one, inside my closet.  But here is what I read today.

Trust and thankfulness will get me safely through this day.  Trust protects me from worrying and obsessing.  Thankfulness keeps me from criticizing and complaining; those "sister sins" that so easily tangle me.  Keep my eyes on Him.  It is a free choice that I must make thousands of times daily.  Focus on Him, entrusting my concerns into His care.
Colossian 2:6-7; Psalm 141:8; 1 Peter 5:7

I need to trust God and not worry and obsess about what I am wearing.  I need to be thankful that I even have clothes to wear, so I can stop criticizing and complaining about my limited wardrobe.  These sins do so easily tangle me.  That's why I cannot go through one day being genuinely happy because I keep worrying, obsessing, criticizing and complaining.  I need to be thankful for even the littlest things because to others, I have more than I need.  I just need to entrust all of my concerns into His care, even the smallest of concerns.

The Change

Last night as I was laying in bed, I had a conversation with God on how I wanted to be more patient, gentle, kind, carefree, self-controlled and less anxious.  I felt like if I just somehow acquired all those traits, I could be a better wife, a better mom, a better friend, and overall a better person.  I asked Him for His help in changing me on the inside.  This is what He revealed to me today.

Learn to live from my true center in Him.  He resides in the deepest depths of my being.  It is at this deep level that His peace reigns continually.  I will not find lasting peace in the world around me, in my circumstances or in human relationships.  But there is a gold mine of peace deep within me.  He wants me to live increasingly from my real center, where His love has an eternal grip on me.  He is Christ in Me, the hope of Glory.
Colossians 3:15; Colossians 1:27

Sometimes I feel like if only things in this external world of mine was different, that I would be that person that I long to be.  But God tells me that there is no lasting peace in this world around me.  That I am to live from my true center in Him.  He lives in me, and I should pour out His traits, not my fleshly traits.  He is patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control and all that I long to be.  So instead of trying to change me, I need to live through Him.

No Mo Problems!

I have a tendency to make mountains out of mole hills.  One way to do that is to focus on the problem, and have it overtake my life.  We have had our fair share of problems; financial, marital, family.  But God has seen us through it all.  We will have trouble in this life, but God will never forsake us. 

We will feel weighed down by problems, both big and small.  They will require more and more of our attention, but we must not give in to those demands.  When the difficulties in our lives feel as if they are closing in on us, break free by spending quality time with Him.  We need to remember who He is in all His power and glory.  Humbly bring Him our prayers and petitions.  Rely on Him, our strength.
Exodus 3:14; Habakkuk 3:17-19

I have felt convicted lately about limiting my quality time with the Lord to just reading my devotional.  When problems arise, it is not good for my soul to just read a devotional, but to go to God in prayer.  Praying contacts me to Him.  It is my life line.  I need to remember that I can pour out my thoughts, my sadness, my frustrations, my disappointments to Him.  And that I can petition my desires to Him.  He is listening, and he desires to give us what we ask for, as long as it lines up with His will.

As I mentioned in a previous post, my husband has been obedient in God's calling for our family to tithe above and beyond what we are normally called to give.  Through this act of obedience, I know that God will work in a mighty way.  For example, I got the gas bill today and it was high dollars.  But thanks be to God, the deposit we had put down years ago was credited back to us and therefore it wiped out our bill to $-6.  We need to remember these times when God works in our lives.  When we are midst adverse circumstances, and we think God is absent.  He is there working in the background for our good.  All He asks of us is to stay in continual communication with Him.  He will keep us on the path.

A Bad Taste

My husband drives a truck for a living.  He picks up and delivers to companies who are in need of flatbed trailers.  He deals with people and traffic on a daily basis.  Most days, it's not all peaches and cream.  Today is one of those days.  I call my husband during lunch and immediately I can tell he has had a bad day.  When that happens, my mood immediately turns sour.  One of the main reasons why his bad day affects my good mood is because those stay-at-home insecurities start creeping in.  Satan starts shouting at me, "if you had a job, he wouldn't have to work so hard"; "what entitles you to do what you want and he can't"; "what good are you if you can't financially contribute".  It just goes on and on.  As a human, I immediately pick up on my phone, wanting to talk to someone about these insecurities and how they are making me feel.  But I reach for my devotional book instead because only God can ease those feelings.

He is with me.  These four words are like a safety net, protecting me from falling into despair.  I am human, so I will always have ups and downs.  But the promise of His presence limits how far down I will go.  Sometimes I feel like I am in a free fall, but as soon as I remember that He is with me, my perspective changes radically.  Instead of bemoaning my circumstances, I can look to Him for help.  He is not only with me, but holding my right hand.
Zephaniah 3:17; Psalm 73:23-26

I tend to let my sour mood linger for awhile, and that starts affecting my outlook on stuff, and my parenting skills.  That's what Satan wants.  For me to break down and crumble all that God is trying to do in me, and in my life.  I need to take a deep breath, talk to God about it and move on.  Who wants a miserable wife and mom?  Not me.  I know, just like when Jeremy is in a bad mood, that my bad mood affects his good mood.  And my bad mood affects the kids' good mood.  So I need to get over pitying myself, and be a strong wife and mom.  I need to be their rock!

Here's To Just Being Me

Everyday I have a routine.  Having a routine allows me to have order in a chaotic household.  The bad thing about having a routine, however, is it makes me very rigid.  If something gets thrown off, it throws everything off.  Therefore, I get off balanced and it is just downhill from there.

He is the Risen One.  We worship a living Deity, not some man-made idol.  Our relationship with Him is meant to be vibrant and challenging.  Do not fear change, for He is making us into a new creation.  When we cling to old ways, we resist His work in us.  It is easy to make an idol of routine, finding security within the boundaries we build around our lives.  Ask Him to open up our eyes so we can find all He has prepared for us.
Matthew 28:5-7; 2 Corinthians 5:17

One of my goals this year is to be more carefree, more relaxed.  To not have my mind cluttered with things to do, and at what hour to do it.  I do not like change, but I want change.  I feel like I draw a lot of boundaries, and build a lot of walls.  I need God to tear them down, and let me open up to whatever He has for my life.  I know it is far greater than what I am trying to build for myself, or shall I say protect myself from.  I want to break free; break free from all the insecurities that hold me back.  To be a confident women, to not over-analyze, to not be such a schedule nazi.  To just be me, without the extras.

Shhh, It's Quiet Time

It is Sunday and I have had the worst after Church lunch experience EVER!!  Alexa had a friend spend the night last night, so we were a family of 6.  We decided to venture out to Shane's Rib Shack.  We ordered a pulled pork plate, a hamburger plate and a chicken tenders plate.  Now mind you, my children eat like birds, so all six of us feasted on these three platters.  It took awhile for our food to come out because they cook their hamburgers fresh.  Meanwhile a hungry tummy makes one whiny; a strong-willed child becomes bored, which always leads to trouble; and girls voices reach their all time high.  By the time food was served, I was ready to leave.  On the way home, I am stewing.  I am just hoping my walking buddy calls me soon, so I can walk off this steam.  But here I am, sitting at the kitchen table in silence (everyone is outside), getting my daily devotional in before my sneakers hit the pavement, and here is what God instructs me to do.

Thank Him for the conditions that are requiring me to be still.  Do not spoil these quiet hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again.  Search for His way in the midst of these very circumstances.  Quietness enhances your awareness of His presence.  His strength and power show themselves most effective in weakness.

Zechariah 2:13; Isaiah 30:15; 2 Corinthians 12:9

Sitting here allows me to reflect on our lunch experience.  I vowed to stop our after Church lunches until my kids are older, and can behave out in public.  But these lunches are what we do after Church.  Do I really want to stop a tradition just because my kids are acting like kids.  We just need to take them to kid-friendly places where loudness is accepted, and every other table has at least one misbehaved child.  That will make me feel normal!

I forgot to report yesterday about my weigh-in.  I am down another pound, which makes it a total of 9 pounds lost.  I have read and been told that setting smaller goals will help you succeed because they are more attainable.  Before I started this weight loss journey, I did not set any goals.  So after losing 9 pounds, here is my first small goal.  8 pounds in the next 8 weeks.  Why 8???  My birthday is in exactly 8 weeks, and I will be back to my pre-pregnancy weight if I lose 8 more pounds.  By the time my birthday rolls around, I want to go on a shopping spree with hopefully a leaner, firmer body.  

God's Will

Today's blog post is going to be a little different.  I am going to come out of my comfort zone, and be totally transparent.  Not that I haven't been, but this post is a little about my life instead of my thoughts or feelings.  With that said, marriage is one of the hardest things I have had to work at.  There's so much give and take, compromising, ups and downs, and when you've got insecurities, it feels like you are failing at making it flow smoothly.  Lately I have been struggling with putting my priorities first above my marriage.  I am so consumed with my new life of working out, devotional blogging and going to bed at a decent hour, that I neglect quiet time with my husband.  Oftentimes, I leave him watching television in the living room, so I can go to bed to make sure my body gets the full 8 hours of sleep.  In the end, how does a skinny, well-rested body serve me well if my marriage is down the toilet because I do not know how to balance my selfish priorities with God's priorities.  And this is what God tells me today.

Come to Me with all your weaknesses.  Rest in the comfort of My presence, remembering that nothing is impossible with Me.  Pry your mind away from your problems so you can focus your attention on Me.  Recall that I am able to do more than all you ask or imagine.  Instead of trying to direct Me to do this and that, seek to attune yourself to what I am already doing.  When anxiety arises, remind yourself that I am your Shepherd.  I am taking care of you, so you need not be afraid of anything.  Rather than trying to maintain control over your life, abandon yourself to My will.  The safest place to be is in My will.
Luke 1:37; Ephesians 3:20-21; Psalm 23:1-4

I need to stop trying to take control over everything.  I need to have different motives to the things I am doing.  What good is all this if I am not letting it change me on the inside.  Change is about putting aside all my selfish priorities, selfish intentions, selfish motives and putting others first.  To do things because it is God's will for my life, not my will.  I need to get off the high horse, humble myself, and put God where He rightly belongs.  I am done trying to be perfect, trying to make my life perfect, trying to let my insecurities build a protective wall around myself.  I want to be free to love, to not worry, to just move on.  Move on knowing that as long as I am in God's will, I will be protected and that He will take care of us, no matter how badly I think it is.  That is just Satan playing mind tricks on me, but I am in a safe place.  I am in God's will.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Give ourselves fully to the adventure of today.  Walk boldly along the path of life, relying on our ever-present companion.  We have every reason to be confident because His presence accompanies us.  Do not give in to fear or worry, those robbers of abundant living.  Face problems as they come, rather than trying to anticipate them.  Fix our eyes on Him, and the many difficulties ahead will vanish as we reach them.  Whenever we start to feel afraid, remember that He is holding our hands!
Hebrews 12:2; Isaiah 41:13

Life is an adventure.  It is like a roller coaster.  Up and down, and around we go.  Being a mom of three, life is never dull.  Just this morning was uneventful in itself.  Is it too much to ask to get 45 minutes to myself, to do something for myself, without having to break up fights and have a cheerios explosion in the living room.  But leave it up to my kids to need something when I am busy.  But I am not going to worry about the cheerios, or the sibling rivalry, when I am doing something that helps me live abundantly.  Spending quiet time with the Lord and taking care of my body, which is my spiritual act of worship, helps me physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally.  I am fixing my gaze on Him.  I am relying on His strength, not my own, to keep going when I feel like giving up.  To live life abundantly His way.

Tomorrow is weigh day.  I kind of wish I weighed today since it is Valentine's Day and we are eating Chinese food for dinner.  But I will just order from the "light" section of the menu.  It is not worth the disappointment and discouragement I will feel tomorrow morning if I splurged.  Now I must go since I hear a fight breaking out yet again.  Lord help me!

Day 3

Peace be with us!  Ever since the resurrection, this has been His watchword to those who yearn for Him.  As we sit quietly, let His peace settle over us.  He died a criminal's death in order to provide us with this radiant peace.  Receive it abundantly and thankfully.  It is strong enough to withstand all onslaughts.  It will keep our hearts and minds close to Him.
John 20:19, 21; John 14:27

I originally titled this post Day 3 because this is the third day in a row that schools have been cancelled, and my children have been home.  Fights have been more frequent, whining has elevated to a new level, and I do not know how much longer my voice will last.  But as I read today's devotional, I realize that this title has more significant meaning.  The third day is when Jesus rose from the dead, after suffering a horrible death for us.  He sacrificed Himself for us so that we can be saved.

I am to receive this sacrificial gift abundantly and thankfully.  There are days when I need Him, His peace, His presence, the Holy Spirit and all of the above.  And He reminds me that there is an abundance, and I can have all of that whenever.  That is what He desires of me.  To seek Him, to receive His peace and to praise Him.

My Prison Cell

My thoughts keep me a prisoner of my own mind sometimes.  It is so hard to escape negative thoughts that beat you down.  For example, some days I feel great about my weight loss.  Excited about the changes I am making, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.  Then I will have a day when I eat a hundred calories too much, or I look at the areas of my body that just are not changing fast enough, and I roll off the tongue with the "what if's".  No matter how hard I try to escape this prison cell of mine, it is also my comfortable place.  The place I sometimes call home because I have been there for way too long, and would not know what to do with myself if I ever escaped.  But I need to leave all those variables up to God, and just do it.  I do not need to linger in that place anymore, if I want to truly make a difference in my life.  If I really want God to change my life for good.

He is near, hovering over our shoulders, reading every thought.  People think that thoughts are fleeting and worthless, but as our thinking goes, so goes our entire being.  We need to let the Holy Spirit help us to think His thoughts.  Let Him be our positive focus.  Modern man seeks his positive focus elsewhere.  Advertising capitalizes on the longings of people for a positive focus in their lives.  Only God can fully satisfy it.  Delight ourselves in Him; let Him become the desire of our hearts.
Matthew 1:23; Psalm 37:4

That is my number one problem.  I seek positive focus in material things; the number on the scale, the square footage of my house, the quantity of friends I have.  Those things will always be up and down depending on what season of life I am in, and where God has placed me.  I do not want to be old when I start enjoying every aspect of my life, because there are some things about this season of life I enjoy; the innocence of my kids, no teenage drama, my youth.  I need to let God take my thoughts captive, and reel me back to Him when I start to venture off to my cell.  I need to board that place up for good!

In other news, I am excited to say that I learned something new the other day.  On my calorie counting app, I can see how many calories I consumed on a weekly basis.  Therefore, if I have a bad day, by the end of the week it will all average out because the majority of the days, I am under my daily calorie intake.  Now I definitely do not need to feel guilty, or beat myself up, for giving in to my taste buds occasionally.

Peace

For the next couple of days, snow, sleet and ice is predicted to fall in the metro Atlanta area.  Currently it is snowing outside, but it sounds like there is some sleet mixed in with it.  Tomorrow is suppose to be worse than today though, with ice accumulating.  My stubborn husband decided to get one last load in for today, before we get iced in tomorrow.  I have been praying for his safety, and overwhelmed with anxiety and worry.  That's what I do:  eat, sleep and worry.  That's my nature.  But instead of being filled with anxiety and worry, God wants me to rest in His peace, knowing that He is in control.

His peace is like a shaft of golden light shining on us continuously.  He is training us to practice peace that overpowers darkness.  Collaborate with Him in this training.  Do not grow weary and lose heart.
John 1:4-5; Hebrews 12:3

In other news, last night I ate more than my fair share of calories.  Instead of beating myself up for it, I will just do a longer workout today.  Food is not my enemy.  I can choose to let it be, or choose to take responsibility for my actions, learn from it and move on.  That is the only way to be successful in this long journey called healthy living.

Carpe Diem

After doing two loads of laundry, and a sink full of dishes last night, I began to stress out about needing to do other chores around the house.  I dusted, vacuumed and mopped about a week ago, but I could not shake the guilt that I was slacking on the housework.  But it was too late to tackle those tedious chores, so I went to bed instead with guilt eating at me.

One of the struggles I have about staying home is the need to have my house in tip-top shape.  To some people, it is not a big deal.  However, I become obsessive about it.  One thing out of line and it throws me off.  I have struggled with this for a few years and these are the two best advices I have ever received:  1) I am in a season where I have three small children.  There will be a time when I will have a clean house because all my kids will be grown and on their own.  Enjoy this time because I will never get it back.  Clean until it is just good enough.  2)  A friend of mine and I walk my neighborhood periodically.  We were talking about cleaning house and she said she admires those people whose house looks lived in.  It's cozy, homey and inviting.  I do not want my house looking like a museum, making guests feel uncomfortable sitting on our vacuumed couches.  I want my house to be warm and inviting.

I have told myself time and time again that my main priority is to raise God fearing, God loving adults.  That is not going to be accomplished by a clean house, a skinny mom or other things that take me away from my time with them.  I will have my season where I can work out whenever I want, and the house will stay clean.  But God has allowed me this time to not let any distractions take me away from these times I will never get back.

Trust Him enough to spend ample time with Him, pushing back the demands of the day.  Because He is omnipotent, He is able to bend time and events in our favor.  We will find that we can accomplish more in less time after we have given ourselves to Him in rich communion.  As we align ourselves with His perspective, we can sort out what is important and what is not.  Do not fall into the trap of being constantly on the go.  To avoid doing meaningless works, stay in continual communication with Him.  He will instruct us and teach us in the way we should go.
Luke 10:41-42; Psalm 32:8

I need to align myself with His perspective because then I will feel less guilty, and stop beating myself up, for the things of this world.  As it states in 1 John 2:15, "Do not love the world or the things in the world.  If anyone love the world, the love of the Father is not in him."  I need to seize everyday that God blesses me with.  Time is a gift from Him, and it should not go to waste.

Seek, Seek And Seek

I have been devotional blogging for almost a month now.  Some days I feel God's presence in my life, but just because I am devotional blogging does not mean God has revealed all of His answers to me.  If anything, His ways are still as confusing to me than before I began.  But it takes work to get to where I am striving to be.  It takes dedication and desire on my part to want to be in God's word.  To continually seek that deep intimate relationship with Him.

Seek His face more and more.  We are really just beginning our journey of intimacy with Him.  It is not an easy road, but it is a delightful and privileged way.  Hardships are part of the journey too.  He dispenses them carefully, in just the right dosage, with tenderness.  Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among His most favored gifts.  Trust Him and do not be afraid because He is our strength and song.
Psalm 27:8; 2 Corinthians 4:7; Isaiah 12:2

He Saves, In More Ways Than One

In this world we will all face our fair share of troubles.  But we must remember that it is not between flesh and blood, so we should not fight spiritual battles with fleshly weapons.  There is so much to be seen than what we can see with our eyes.  I must always remember this truth when I am dealing with my battles.  I have often wondered why God kept speaking on resting in Him day in and day out.  I do not like facing my problems head on.  I stuff it until I need to unload so that I can stuff some more.  That is why all these problems of insecurities keep surfacing.  I stuffed and now I need to unload.  God knew it was coming, and He wants to comfort me with His words.  He knows how much I can bare, and He knows exactly what I need.

He is above all things: our problems, our pain, and the swirling events in this ever-changing world.  When we behold His face, we rise above circumstances and rest in Him.  He guarantees that we will have problems in this life, but they must not become our focus.  When we feel ourselves sinking, say "Help me, Jesus" and He will draw us back to Him.  If we must say it thousands of times a day, do not be discouraged.  He knows our weakness, and He will meet us in that very place.
Ephesians 2:6; Matthew 14:28-32

Last night was date night, and we went to a new Asian restaurant down the road from our house.  I have driven by it a million times, but never was brave enough to try a new place.  Don't fix it if it's not broken right?!  Well thank goodness we fixed it!  It was AMAZING.  Best sushi in town!  I had a spicy tuna roll, and a little bit of my kung pao chicken with brown rice.  I am very proud of myself for stopping when my body told me to.  The old me would have fought through it to the last bite, but it is okay to get a box to go and eat it the next day.  That makes you smart, and it makes you brave.  I am in control.

Rest For The Weary

As I spend the early part of my morning in the car, I cannot help but let those feelings of worthlessness get me down.  I realize that this is what I have been talking about for the past few blogs, but this is me.  Lately, this is what I seem to be dealing with on a daily basis.  This is my battle.  Anyway, I call my sister-in-law to talk about it, instead of letting it eat at me and ruin my entire day.  I can see now that this is my greatest weakness, and Satan is using it to his advantage.  I know that I am a threat to him.  Anyone allowing God to change them, and be used for His glory, is a threat to Satan.  I just do not know why I can't see this for what it truly is, and stop beating myself up for the lies Satan is attacking me with.

Go to Him for rest and refreshment.  The journey has been too much for you, and you are bone-weary.  Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion.  Instead, see it as an opportunity for Him to take charge of your life.  Remember that He can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different.  Start with where you are, accepting that this is where He intends for you to be.  Your desire to live in His presence goes against the world, the flesh and the devil.  Much of your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents.  However, you are on the path of His choosing, so do not give up!  Hope in Him, for you will again praise Him for the help of His presence.
Romans 8:28; Psalm 42:11

I am tired of this constant struggle within myself.  I feel like there are days when God is frustrated with my constant criticism and just wants me to move on!  But He tells me to not be ashamed of my exhaustion.  To let Him take charge, because he uses everything for good.  Accept that I am where He intends for me to be.  Much of my weariness results from my constant battle with Satan, and I am letting him win!  I am on the path of His choosing, so I need to be the best at it.  I need to put ALL my hope in Him; not on my abilities, not on my criticisms, not on anything but Him, and I will again praise Him for the help of His presence.

This morning was my weigh day and I am happy to report that I am down another pound.  Even with me adding in two days of strength training, that has not affected the number on my scale.  Tonight I am going to enjoy myself with no worries.  I need to let myself do that once in awhile, if I want to let this be a lifelong journey.

Constant Battle

As I shared with you yesterday, I let my insecurities get the best of me.  My biggest insecurity comes with being a stay at home mom.  Satan attacks me from every angle, telling me that I am a failure, I have no self-worth, I have no motivation, and the list goes on and on.  Oftentimes, I feel like this is what my husband thinks of me.  I am constantly bombarding him with questions, wanting assurance that he is happy with me.  I waste all my energy on this, instead of enjoying the time God has blessed me with at home.  But as I study Gideon today with my fellow ladies, God reminds me that this battle is spiritual warfare, and that I need to begin this battle on my knees.  I have come to realize that I have replaced prayer time with devotional blogging.  Even though blogging has been great for me, this is all head knowledge.  I need my heart to be changed, and the only way I can do that is to go before God and just unload, and let Him heal me.  To rest in His peace and presence, like the pages of this devotional have been telling me to do.  To actually do it, and not blog about it.

Go to Him and rest.  He is ready to bless and restore.  Lift up empty hands of faith to receive His presence.  Light, life, joy and peace flow freely through this gift.  Return to Him; regain His presence.
Matthew 11:28-29; 1 Timothy 2:8

I need to defeat Satan in this spiritual battle that has been ongoing for almost my entire life.  Talking negatively about myself to myself is not the way to live.  It has affected my mood, my husband, my kids and my life.  I need to see myself the way God sees me.  He finds me worthy to do His works.  He wants me to do what He has called me to do because He knows I can.  God's strategies do not make sense sometimes.  Look at me; I have an accounting background, but yet I am scrubbing toilets and wiping runny noses.  But if I am on God's path, His favor, His blessings and His guidance will be dispensed on me.  As Priscilla Shirer puts it, "God finds me worthy to entrust me with kids, to raise them to be warriors for God".  And that is the most important job I can have.

In other news, I am changing my weigh-in day to tomorrow, just for this week.  My husband and I are going out on a date tomorrow night, and I am feeding my body what it wants!  And I do not want to wake up Saturday morning feeling defeated because my scale reflects my horrible decisions from the night before.  A good friend once told me, I choose my weigh day.  I am in control, not my diet (I added this part.  I can't give her all the credit!  Haha).  And I have been meaning to share, but my WII Fit no longer says I am overweight.  My BMI is now in the "normal" zone.  Thought I would never see this day!!

My Command Center

My daughter is 8.  She is going through this stage where everything I ask her to do is followed by a grunt and an attitude.  Last night I had asked her to study for an upcoming test.  Instead of being obedient, she grunted and sat at the kitchen table with an attitude.  She was so annoyed that I asked her to study, that as she annoyingly brushed something off her paper, she knocked over my cup, thus breaking it.  I went off on her!!  Grounded her till she was 17, no electronics, no friends, no nothing.  I had it up to my ears with her.  After awhile, I realized that I had overreacted, apologized to her and we talked through it.  That is how I should have handled it in the first place, but I let my emotions take over.  Even though I let God speak to me about my insecurities yesterday, I never really dealt with them.  Instead, I let more insecurities creep into my mind, therefore letting it affect my state of mind.  God knows my heart.  He knows it is going to take more than one devotional to get through to me. 

Every Wednesday I walk the mall with my friend aka my therapist (haha), and she said something that really stuck to me.  My home is my command center, and I am the CEO (ok I added that part in).  Everything I do or feel affects my home, my kids and my husband.  If I am a mess, so is my household.  I need to make sure things flow around here so that we function well together.  God has placed me here; therefore, He is my boss.  "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward".  And today's devotional solidifies everything I heard and know.

Seek His face, and we will find not only His presence, but His peace.  We must change our controlling stance to one of openness and trust.  Ask His spirit to control our thoughts, for the mind controlled by the spirit is life and peace.  We can have much of Him and His peace as we want, through thousands of correct choices each day.  The most persistent choice is whether to trust Him or worry.  We will never run out of things to worry about (AMEN to that).  He is our ever-present help in trouble.
Romans 8:6; Psalm 46:1-2

Thankfulness And Trust

The Gideon study I am doing focuses on our weaknesses, and how they are the key to unlocking God's strength.  I have to say that my biggest weakness is my thoughts.  I am my own worst critic.  I am constantly over-analyzing, constantly focusing on the negative aspects of myself and my life, and allowing all that to question God's plan for me.  When I first started blogging, God gave me peace amidst the battle that was going on in my mind.  Everything I thought about myself and my life, God erased from my heart, and reassured me that I am where I am suppose to be.  I hoped that I was turning over a new leaf, but recently my insecurities have come back to taunt me.  I cannot allow myself to become the old me, but it is so easy to slip back into those old habits you have lived with for so long.  I cannot control my thoughts.  I need God to control them for me.  And this is what He says to me.

Bring Him all my weaknesses, and receive His peace.  Accept myself and my circumstances for what they are, remembering that He is sovereign over everything.  Do not wear myself out with analyzing and planning.  Instead, let thankfulness and trust be my guides.  I will cease to notice how weak I am because I will be focusing on Him.  Continue this intimate journey, trusting that the path I am following is headed for heaven.
Psalm 29:11; Numbers 6:24-26; Psalm 13:5

I need to accept myself for who I am, a bride of Christ.  I need to remember that anything that is not of God is from Satan.  All my insecurities are Satan's tools to stop me from accomplishing God's works.  I need to keep my focus on God, and allow Him to heal me, to change me.  I cannot rely on my own strength, but on God's alone.  I know that if I keep seeking Him with my whole heart, He will direct my path.  And if I am on the path He has led me to, I do not need to second guess.  I need to let thankfulness and trust be my guides.

Mind Over Matter

Yesterday was a pretty hectic day for me, and I did not get a chance to read or blog on yesterday's devotional.  But sitting here, catching up on my devotional, I was meant to read it today.  For the past three weeks, I have been very conscious about what I put in my mouth, and accounting for everything that I eat.  Last night we attended a superbowl party, and I ate everything that the party offered, going back for seconds, even thirds.  I was becoming the old me, allowing my eyes to dictate what and how much to eat.  I woke up this morning regretting my indulgence.  Not only did I feel guilty, but my body was telling me that I overdid it.  I felt defeated.  I felt like all my hard work was going right down the drain.  But as I read yesterday's devotional, this is what God is doing for me.

God is renewing my mind.  When my thoughts flow freely, they tend to move toward problems.  My focus gets snagged on a given problem.  My energy is drained away from other matters through this negative focus.  Worst of all, I lose sight of Him.  A renewed mind is presence-focused.  Train my mind to seek Him in every moment, every situation.  Seek His face, speak to Him, and He will light up my mind.
Romans 12:2; Psalm 105:4

I needed God to step in and change the way I was thinking.  Satan can easily brain wash me.  I am such an easy prey.  But feelings of defeat should make me depend on God's strength even more.  I know that I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me.  If I keep believing Satan's lies, I will ultimately fail.

Today's devotional is about God being with us and for us.  We face nothing alone.  When we feel anxious that is because we are focusing on the visible world.  Fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  He will get us through this day.
Romans 8:31; 2 Corinthians 4:18; Genesis 16:13-14

When I am going through a circumstance, it is so easy to become anxious.  I see what is before me, and I cannot escape it.  But I am not to focus on what is seen, but what is unseen.  The seen is the circumstance before me.  The unseen is what God is doing through that circumstance.  I never know why I go through something until I come out of it.  Then I have the a-ha moment when God reveals to me why I went through that circumstance.  I do not enjoy going through a tough time, but I am grateful that God allowed me to go through it.  I do not regret any of the valleys God has led me through.  I would go through them again, knowing what the outcome brings.

Walk By Faith, Not By Sight

Currently my husband and I are climbing a spiritual mountain.  We began a few weeks ago, but we are still a long ways from reaching the mountain peaks.  There are some days where I feel like God needs to rescue us before we crumble under the pressure, but today's devotional spoke to me.

Follow Him one step at a time.  That is all that is required of us.  We see huge mountains looming, and we start wondering how we are going to scale those heights.  Meanwhile we stumble on the easy path He is leading us through now, because we are not paying attention.  We tell Him how worried we are about the cliffs ahead, but we do not know what is going to happen today.  Our paths may take an abrupt turn, leading us away from the mountains.  If He does lead us up the cliffs, He will equip us for the climb.  Keep our mind on the present journey.  Walk by faith, not by sight.

Psalm 18:29; Psalm 91:11-12; 2 Corinthians :7

God wants me to walk by faith, not by sight.  I do not need to take control, but to let Him take me where He wants me to go.  As I have learned in the past, climbing mountains is for my benefit and He will help me through it.  All He requires of me is my obedience; not my strength, not my skills nor my brains.  Remember, God either orchestrates or allows any and all circumstances.  I never know why God puts me through something until I come out of it and look back.  So instead of worrying, I need to keep my mind on the present journey and not try to be one step ahead of God.  He knows what He is doing, and I should not try and predict the next step.  Just go with His perfect plan.

Today was weigh day.  DOWN 2 LBS!  I am ecstatic that I am doing so well; on the scale, my eating and exercise habits, and mostly my mentality.  However, I do need to stop relying so much on what the scale says.  I know that eventually the scale will either remain the same, or go up, because muscle does weigh more than fat.  I know I still have more weight to lose, but every week I need to see progress for what it is...PROGRESS regardless of what the scale says.