In the Still of the Morning

For about a few weeks now, I have been setting my alarm and getting up before the kids.  Some days I hit the snooze button a million times and get up when the kids get up.  Other days, I get right up and spend that quiet morning drinking coffee, doing my devotional and exercising.  If I had it my way, I would get up every morning when the alarm sounds.  I just love the quietness of the early morning.  It gives me time to reflect.  It allows me to spend time with God alone.  It gives me the opportunity to take care of myself before I start taking care of others.  It is so important for me to let God fill my cup, allowing it to overflow to other areas of my life.  

Meet Him in morning stillness, while the earth is fresh with the dew of His presence.  Worship Him in the beauty of holiness.  Sing love songs to His Holy Name.  As we give ourselves to Him, His spirit swells within us till we are flooded with divine presence.  The world's way of pursuing riches is grasping and hoarding.  We attain His riches by letting go and giving.  The more we give ourselves to Him and His way, the more He fills us with inexpressible, heavenly joy.

Psalm 29:2; 1 Peter 1:8

Pleaser

Growing up I was always the chunky smart girl.  Treasurer of my high school student council, and an A/B student, I never had much of a social life.  I didn't even have my first boyfriend until I was a senior in high school!  Then you add into the equation a mother who is very critical.  Grades were never good enough, weight was never low enough and so on.  I am not bashing my mother by any means.  I understand why she thought she had to be so critical.  But it does shape who I am today.

I am a people pleaser.  I feel like my acceptance is based on my performance.  The more I do, the more I will be liked by others.  It is very stressful because no matter how deep of a friendship I might form with someone, I feel like I have to constantly live up to expectations in order to keep it that deep.  I have a wall up, and there are only a handful of people that know the other half of me.  The other half that I keep tucked away because I fear judgment, criticism and most of all, rejection.

We cannot serve two masters.  If He is truly our Master, we will desire to please Him above all others.  If pleasing people is our goal, we will be enslaved to them.  People can be harsh taskmasters when we give them this power over us.  If He is the Master of our lives, He will also be our first love.  Our serving Him is rooted and grounded in His vast, unconditional love for us.  The lower we bow down before Him, the higher He lifts us up into intimate relationship with Him.  The joy of living in His presence outshines all other pleasures.  He wants us to reflect His joyous light by living in increasing intimacy with Him.
Matthew 6:24; Revelation 2:4; Ephesians 3:16-17; Psalm 16:11

God reminds me today that I cannot serve Him and others.  I never thought that people pleasing means people serving, but that makes sense.  I do things to please people when I should be doing things to please God.  I get so consumed with being the person I think people will like that I lose who I truly am.  I stop embracing the real me.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God.  Trying to change who God made me to be is saying that God did not do a good job.  It's saying that I do not want to be who God made me to be.  That I would rather conform to what people want me to be.

Last night was Friday family fun night in our household.  We ordered Chinese food (our favorite except for Jeremy), and rented Wreck-It-Ralph on the Wii.  If you have not seen the movie, Ralph is this huge guy who has BIG fists and anything he hits, he wrecks.  I want Ralph to come wreck the wall I have put up.  I want to stop pretending.  I want to be who I am without fear.  I want to embrace every part of me.  I want to let people in because that is what forms deep, meaningful friendships.  If my friendships are based on performance, they aren't real friendships to begin with.

Today was STATday.  I lost .25" off my arms.  I am kind of frustrated because I haven't lost any inches in a few weeks!  Maybe I am doomed to have all this loose skin for the rest of my life.  But I do feel great.  Yesterday I went to the mall.  JC Penney was having a huge sale, and I needed some shorts.  I grabbed some sizes that I thought would fit, but I discovered in the fitting room that they were actually too big.  Moments like that is the reason why I keep pushing on even though the scale stays the same, and the inches do not change.  It is not all about the physical, but the mental and emotional as well.  If I am on this journey just to change physically, it will not last long.  The mental and the emotional is what will change me forever.

Dependence Day

I used to hate eating healthy and exercising.  I dreaded the days when I would have to work out.  Now I do not mind it at all.  I can even say I enjoy it.  It makes me feel alive, healthy and energetic.  What has changed, you might ask.  I have struggled with weight almost my whole life.  It was not until I gave it up to God that I did not have to face that struggle alone.  He has shown me an easy way, an uncomplicated path to a healthy lifestyle.

I love hamburgers; they are my weakness.  The other day Jeremy wanted to go to Hardee's for lunch.  I pulled up, ordered Jeremy a meal and when the gentleman asked "anything else", I was surprised to hear myself say "that's it" and not "a bacon cheeseburger please."  Jeremy was surprised as well because he said "you don't want anything?!"  It was Meatless Tuesday (I switched days this week), and I did not get my workout in that morning.  I could have 1) messed up on meatless day, ate a big fat juicy burger and went home and took a nap or 2) commit to Meatless Tuesday and go home and exercise.  I chose the latter, not because of my own will, but because of God's.  Oh trust me, for a second there, I almost gave in.  But God gives me His willpower when faced with temptation.  He gives me His strength on days I cannot muster up the energy to work out.  He helps me carry the burden.

Living in dependence on Him is the way to enjoy abundant life.  We are learning to appreciate tough times because they amplify our awareness of His presence.  Tasks that we used to dread are becoming rich opportunities to enjoy His closeness.  When we feel tired, remember that He is our strength.  He is pleased when we turn to Him more and more, especially when we are alone.  When we are around other people, we often lose sight of His presence.  Fear of displeasing people puts us in bondage to them, and they become our primary focus.  When this happens, whisper His name.  This brings Him to the forefront of our consciousness.  As we bask in the blessing of His nearness, His life can flow through us to others.  This is abundant life.
Proverbs 29:25; John 10:10

In a Blink of an Eye

Next year, all of my children will be in school.  We are enrolling Caleb into the preschool program at our church three days a week.  That means, for the first time since I started staying home, I will have three mornings all to myself.  Even though one part of me is excited, the other part is anxious.  I am sure I will find lots to do with the free time given to me, but this marks the beginning of my newfound freedom, my children growing up, and the search of a new identity.  All of those things make me sad, and I realize how fast time has flown by.  Half of that time was spent cherishing every moment, and the other half was spent with blinders on; letting the world pass me by while I tried to make it to the end of the day.  So much time wasted.  So many opportunities I have missed out on.

We are on the path of His choosing.  There is no randomness about our lives.  Here and now comprise the coordinates of our daily lives.  Most people let their moments slip through their fingers, half-lived.  They avoid the present by worrying about the future or longing for a better time and place.  They forget that their Creator only walks with them in the present.  As we give ourselves more to a life of constant communion with Him, we will find that we have no time for worry.  Thus, we are freed to let His Spirit direct our steps, enabling us to walk along the path of peace.
Luke 12:25-26; Luke 1:79

God tells me today to live in the present.  Do not worry about the future.  I am stressing so much about what I am going to do with my free time next year that I am missing out on what I have now.  I am stressing out about making my free time meaningful that I am missing out on what God might have me do.  He has me exactly where He wants me to be.  There are no mistakes, no randomness.  I need to embrace today, the now.  One day I might be back in the work force and wish with my whole heart that I was at home again.  One day my children will be taller than me and I would do anything for them to be little and innocent again.  Everyday I need to thank God for the blessings He has poured upon me, and not take anything for granted.  I want to live one day at a time, cherishing every moment because in a blink of an eye, this time will pass and I will have missed everything.

What Are You Lacking Today?

When some basic need is lacking - time, energy, money - consider ourselves blessed.  Our very lack is an opportunity to latch onto Him in unashamed dependence.  When we begin a day with inadequate resources, we must concentrate our efforts on the present moment.  This is where we are meant to live.  It is the place where He awaits us.  Awareness of our inadequacy trains us to rely wholeheartedly on Him.  Self-sufficiency is a myth perpetuated by pride and temporary success.  Health and wealth can disappear instantly, as can life itself.  Rejoice in our insufficiency, knowing that His power is made perfect in weakness.

James 1:2; 2 Corinthians 12:9

The one thing I lack, and struggle with, on a daily basis is dying to myself.  There are lots of moments when I want to react on my emotions; anger, annoyance, bitterness.  I want to be entitled to my rights and throw myself a pity party.  That is my greatest weakness.  Sometimes I cave in, but most times I look to God and ask for His Spirit to take over.  When I do, He pours His Spirit into me and I go the opposite direction.  I have more compassion, love, empathy.  When I go that route, there is more peace around me and in me.  I should never be ashamed to ask God over and over again to make up for my shortcomings.  He prefers me to depend on Him than to learn how to be self-sufficient and never need Him again.

Back during the spring session of ladies bible study, I took up a study on Gideon.  The main point of the study is that our weakness is the key to unlocking God's strength.  All of us have shortcomings.  I have a lot of them.  But if I did not have them, I would have no need for God.  God designed all of us to have a need for Him; a desire; an emptiness that can only be filled by Him.  We need to embrace our weaknesses because that is the key.  The key to unlocking God's power; the key to a life dependent on Him; the key to an intimate relationship with the One who longs for us.

Taking It Slow

I like to work out first thing in the morning.  That is where I get my energy from; and I like getting it out of the way.  However, it looks like I will not be able to get my workout in until nap time today.  My children have their 6 month dental checkups this morning, so I can either workout and rush to get out the door, or I can grab my hot cup of coffee and spend time with God.  I chose the latter.  One of the things I am trying to work on is not to be such a control freak.  To not have a mental itinerary of the day.  God is teaching me this morning that I have a choice.  To either follow my mental checklist and be stressed, or to take it slow.  Each day is a gift from God, and I am to use it wisely.

Let Him teach us thankfulness.  Begin by acknowledging that everything belongs to Him.  Each new day is a gift from Him, not to be taken for granted.  If we slow down our pace of life, we can find Him anywhere.  Some of His most precious children have been laid aside in sickbeds or shut away in prisons.  Others have voluntarily learned the discipline of spending time alone with Him.  The secret of being thankful is learning to see everything from His perspective.  His world is our classroom.  His Word is a lamp to our feet and a light for our paths.

Hebrews 12:28-29; Psalm 119:105

Yesterday I hurt my ankle.  I jumped from our tub and landed hard on our tile.  So today I am switching my workout days and doing upper body.  I do not want to injure it more by doing all sorts of crazy moves.  I did not get to do Meatless Monday yesterday so I will be doing Meatless Tuesday today.  I had lunch with my neighbor at a Japanese restaurant, and who does hibachi and has vegetables?!  Not me!  I know, I am so not disciplined!  But I have to live life right?!  Or at least I tell myself that...hehe.  I started BETA yesterday, and even though it was not as tough as I thought it was going to be, I did get a great workout.  It felt so good to sweat like I did.  Here's to the next 5 weeks!

Which One?

As we look into the day that stretches out before us, we see many choice-points along the way.  We must make our choices one at a time since each is contingent upon the decision that precedes it.  Instead of trying to create a mental map of our paths through this day, focus on His loving presence with us.  He will equip us as we go so that we can handle whatever comes our way.  Trust Him to supply what we need when we need it.
Lamentations 3:22-26; Psalm 34:8

Sometimes I get so wrapped up with my own life that I forget to reach out to others.  Sometimes I go through a struggle and wonder if anyone can relate.  Sometimes I forget that we are all human and that life is not perfect.  I found out today that my sister is going through a tough situation.  I want to be there for her and help her in any way that I can, but I am not enough.  God reminds all of us that everyday we are faced with choices, and we have to be careful because one choice is a direct result of the previous choice.  We need to constantly focus our attention on Him.  He will direct our paths.  He will guide us in whichever way we should go.  He will equip us so that we can handle whatever comes our way.  And through it all, He will never forsake us or leave us.  Call upon His name, and He will come ready to fight the battle with us.

His Nurturing Side

Go to Him with empty hands and an open heart, ready to receive abundant blessings.  He knows the depth and breadth of our neediness.  Our life-paths have been difficult, draining us of strength.  Go to Him for nurture.  Let Him fill us up with His presence:  He in us, and us in Him.  His power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need for Him.  Faltering steps of dependence are not lack of faith; they are links to His presence.
John 17:20-23; Isaiah 40:29-31

We have had an exhausting weekend; just nonstop from dawn to dusk.  I am utterly exhausted.  I am drained of strength and energy.  I have no more to give of myself.  God tells me that on days like this, I need to go to Him.  He will nurture me back to health.  He will give me more of His strength to continue on another day.  On days like today, I realize how much I depend on Him.

Changing Perspectives

Welcome problems as perspective-lifters.  If we encounter a problem with no immediate solution, our response to that situation will take us either up or down.  We can lash out at the difficulty, resenting it and feeling sorry for ourselves.  This will take us down into a pit of self-pity.  Alternatively, the problem can be a ladder, enabling us to climb up and see our lives from His perspective.  Viewed from above, the obstacle that frustrated us is only a light and momentary trouble.  Once our perspective has been heightened, we can look away from the problem altogether.  Turn toward Him, and see the light of His presence shining upon us.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18; Psalm 89:15

It seems as if I face problems almost on a weekly basis.  Most are small, but even the smallest of problems will get some sort of reaction out of me.  Some I handle well, others not so much.  When I do not seek God during the midst of my problems, I let "me" take over.  I react the way I want to; I feel the way I want to; and through it all, I feel entitled to it.  That is when the problem escalates because it lingers and won't go away, until I die to "me" and let God work.  We need to see everything through God's perspective.  Only then will we see problems for what they really are.

I lost a pound today, after not losing anything for the past three weeks or so.  I am two pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight, even though it does not look it.  My problem area is my mid-section.  Having three kids has not been kind to my lower stomach area.  I have loose skin that will not go away with crunches.  I guess I will just have to get a job to save up money for skin removal surgery...haha!  Today is the last day of the ALPHA cycle.  Monday starts the BETA cycle.  I have heard it is extremely hard, but I am ready to take my fitness to the next level.  I am ready to start feeling pain again.  Hopefully the BETA cycle will help tone my mid-section.  A girl can hope right?!

In a Blink of an Eye

Make Him our focal point as we move through this day.  Circumstances are in flux, and the world seems to be whirling around us.  The only way to keep our balance is to fix our eyes on Him, the One who never changes.  If we gaze too long at our circumstances, we will become dizzy and confused.  Look to Him, refreshing ourselves in His presence, and our steps will be steady and sure.
Hebrews 12:2; Psalm 102:27

In our crazy household, things are always changing.  One minute the kids are playing well together, and before you know it, a fight breaks out.  One minute my daughter is calm and collective, and all of a sudden she has an emotional meltdown (it all starts now folks.  She is 8 and full of DRAMA).  One minute life treats us well, and in a blink of an eye it changes.  But God reminds us that even though this world is whirling around us, changing minute by minute, He never changes.  When we become dizzy, confused and even overwhelmed, we need to turn our focus back to Him.  He is refreshing.  He is safe.  He is my shelter.

Tomorrow is STATday and my last day of the ALPHA cycle.  I am excited to start the BETA cycle; something new to challenge my body.  I feel confident about tomorrow.  I have done extremely well this week with my calories, and I feel great!  I need to always remember how I feel vs. how much weight I have lost because at this point, the number does not matter, for various reasons.  Not only is my body changing, but I am changing as well.  I feel like a different person, inside and out.  I have come a long way, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually; and I never would have embarked on this journey, nor been successful at it, without enlisting God's help.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.