Alexa is 8 years old. In the first two years of her life I was not a Christian. Even when I was saved at the age of 27, I still did not live a life fully devoted to God. Here I am now, wanting desperately to raise my children in a Christian home. To teach them how to love others, to put others before themselves, to be patient, kind and compassionate. "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it" Proverbs 22:6. Last Thursday I took a parenting class at ladies bible study. It was taught by a woman that I view as a woman who lives for God. She said we need to be intentional and active about making God's Word a part of our everyday lives. That children need a model to go by, and that is the Word and us. We need to model God in our lives. My children see me spending time with God in prayer and in my devotional, but I do not always imitate Him. I have my moments where it is easier to act out my frustrations than to let Jesus work in me.
During the parenting class, our teacher read a children's book called Koala Lou. In summary it was about a little koala who was not receiving her mother's full attention due to a new addition to the family. She entered a contest hoping to win back her mother's affection, but ended up losing. Disappointed and sad, she climbed a tree and sat by herself. Her mother went up there and told her she was so proud of her, despite her loss. That she was sorry she did not have time for her lately, but that she loved her always. While she was reading that, I cried. I cried because that is how I feel about my relationship with Alexa. Chandler and Caleb are so demanding that I never have time for Alexa. She is so self-sufficient that I take her for granted.
Our teacher gave us tips on how to build a Christian foundation in our household, and how to train up our children. She gave us some examples of what they do in her household, and it sounded like they had it altogether. Her children knew what it meant to love God while my children constantly fight for their rights. I had all these regrets about the way I have been raising my children. I knew I could not turn back the hands of time, and I hated myself for being the mom I have been. I ruined my children's lives and it was all my fault. Even though my boys are still young, Alexa is 8 years old and has her ways. How can I train an old dog new tricks. After class I approached our teacher and poured out my heart to her. My main worry was that I was too late for Alexa. She shared with me that she did not start until her daughter was 8 as well. I was so surprised because of all the things I have heard about them. She assured me that it is never too late.
Don't be so hard on ourselves. He can bring good even out of our mistakes. We tend to look backward, longing to undo decisions we have come to regret. This is a waste of time and energy, leading only to frustration. Instead of floundering in the past, release our mistakes to Him. Look to Him in trust, anticipating that His infinite creativity can weave both good choices and bad into a lovely design. Because we are human, we will continue to make mistakes. Thinking that we should live an error-free life is symptomatic of pride. Our failures can be a source of blessing, humbling us and giving us empathy for other people in their weaknesses. Best of all, failure highlights our dependence on Him. He is able to bring beauty out of the morass of our mistakes. Trust Him, and watch to see what He will do.
Romans 8:28; Micah 7:7
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