I am a planner. Anything I do, I have a plan to back it up. I cannot do anything spontaneously because that causes anxiety. I need to have a course of action...that's how I roll! This morning I planned on exercising after dropping the kids off at school, like I normally do, but spontaneously went to a friend's house instead. I had a great time, but on my way back to preschool, not having accomplished my morning workout consumes my thoughts. I made it a priority to work out as soon as I got home. But when I picked Chandler up, he tells me that he got in trouble for talking AGAIN. I had decided that I was going to drop everything and have a talk with him once we got home. At home we talked about his behavior at school, and I told him he needed to start taking naps again. Kicking and screaming I laid him down on my bed with his blanket. He asked me to lay with him, and despite my work out clothes screaming for attention, I did. All the while the anxiety keeps on building. Once I got him settled, I left the room and opened up my devotional and here is what I read.
We are to strive to trust Him in more and more areas of our lives. Anything that tends to make us anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them. If we believe that He is sovereign in every aspect of our lives, then we are to trust Him. Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. Start at the present moment, accepting things exactly as they are. Trust is like a staff; it will bear as much of our weight as needed. Lean on, trust and be confident in Him.
Psalm 52:8; Proverbs 3:5-6
Once I crept out of the room, I did not know what to tackle first. But then I was reminded of a quote I had read earlier today that said "God cares much more about my heart than what I accomplish on my to-do list". So here I am, sitting on my couch with my devotional open and my fingers ready to type. I thought I had given over my struggle with weight to God, but apparently I still have a couple of fingers still gripping, not ready to totally let go. I struggle over not having done my workout in the morning, then trying to fit it in during nap when I know I have other things to do, and knowing I wouldn't be able to fit it in once Alexa got home from school. I have a lot of anxiety when I feel like I have no control over something I should have control over. Not only that, but when I do not get my workout in, I feel unaccomplished. But laying there with Chandler, as he fights sleep, I realize that accomplishments do not come in size 2 pants. They come in a form of a loving mother who is willing to drop anything to lay with her son, who by the way is upset about not being able to go to the "treasure box" because of his talking. Accomplishments are about being a good steward of the things God has entrusted to me. Anything that creates anxiety in me should be a learning opportunity to just let go. To have freedom over it. Start at the present because I can't change the past. And to lean on the staff, so I don't bear all the weight.
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