Spiritual warfare

Satan has a way of making us doubt ourselves.  Whenever I fail, I feel like God can never change me; that it is in my DNA to be the person I am doomed to be.  God should just move on to the next person because there is no hope in me.  But God tells me today that Satan delights in heaping guilt feelings upon us.  He likes to accuse believers of Christ, and if I am being accused, that means I am on the right track.  Satan only attacks those who threaten him.  In order to dodge his attacks, I need to spend daily quiet time with the Lord, mornings being the best time.  Spending time with God is a necessity, not an option.  He will help us fight this battle with Satan if we only call upon His name.

Spending time alone with Him is essential for our well-being.  It is not a luxury or an option; it is a necessity.  Therefore, do not feel guilty about taking time to be with Him.  Remember that Satan is the accuser of believers.  He delights in heaping guilt feelings upon us, especially when we are enjoying His presence.  When we feel Satan's arrows of accusation, we are probably on the right track.  Use our shield of faith to protect ourselves from him.  Talk with Him about what we are experiencing, and ask Him to show us the way forward.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from us.  Come near to Him, and He will come near to us.
Revelation 12:10; Ephesians 6:16; James 4:7-8

Weak = Strong

The thing that I feel most convicted about is my prayer time, or lack thereof.  As I have stated before, I have replaced prayer time with devotional blogging.  They are not one and the same.  Devotional blogging is one-directional; God speaking to me.  Prayer time, however, is a two-way street; me releasing all my cares and worries onto Him, and Him replacing them with His comfort and peace.  I have a few anxious thoughts going through my mind right now; but instead of praying to Him about it, I am stewing over them, trying to find solutions to my problems.

He is a mighty God.  Nothing is too difficult for Him.  He has chosen to use weak ones like us to accomplish His purposes.  Our weakness is designed to open us up to His power.  Therefore, do not fear our limitations or measure the day's demands against our strength.  Live in trusting dependence on His limitless resources.  Talk with Him, and listen while He talks us through each challenging situation.  He is not a careless God.  When He allows difficulties to come into our lives, He equips us fully to handle them.  Relax in His presence, trusting in His strength.
Luke 1:37; 2 Corinthians 12:9

I am weak, and if God does not show me that through my circumstances, I would live in pride and independence.  I need God to comfort me when life is unpredictable, give me peace when I am anxious and just provide me with the knowledge that He is in control.  As long as we are in the will of God, we are safe.  Instead of trying to fix my own problems, God reminds me to bring them to Him.  Nothing is impossible for Him.  He is our healer, our provider, our shelter.  Prayer might not change my circumstance, but it will give me reassurance that I am doing exactly what God has called me to do.

Wrong = Right

Thank Him in the midst of the crucible.  When things seem all wrong, look for growth opportunities.  Especially look for areas where we need to let go, leaving our cares in His able hands.  Do we trust Him to orchestrate our life events as He chooses, or are we still trying to make things go according to our will?  Worship Him by living close to Him, thanking Him in all circumstances.
1 Peter 5:6-7; 1 Thessalonians 5:18

My first pregnancy was unplanned.  Do not get me wrong, we were very excited, but Jeremy and I were not even married yet.  We got pregnant four months before our wedding.  This is one of those times where God orchestrated our life.  If we had it our way, we would have waited until EVERYTHING was in line; and by the look of how our life has been played out over the past several years, we would be having our first child now, in our mid 30's.  But we have three beautiful children, and a hectic household, and I would not trade that in for a perfect, careful, planned out life.  God always knows what He is doing, and He just asks us to trust Him and follow along with His perfect plan.

After working out hardcore for 7 weeks straight, I decided to take this week off and concentrate more on my eating habits.  As I have shared before, I have been over-indulging; mainly because I am burned out and I am going back to my old mentality of "I am working out, therefore I can eat whatever I want."  I have noticed that I feel better when I eat healthy vs. working out and eating unhealthy.  I also know it is 80% what you eat, and 20% working out.  I have also read that exercise really does not contribute to weight loss, it just tones and defines.  Besides, it is nice to give your body and mind a little bit of a break.  It will make me stronger and more motivated when I go back next week.

Happy Mother's Day!

A friend of mine reminded me last night that I failed to blog on yesterday's devotional.  It was Mother's Day, and a crazy day at that, so it escaped me.  I decided to save it for today instead of doing it late last night.  I was tired, and I did not want to rush through it, missing God's message.

5/11/14

Thank Him for our problems.  As soon as our minds get snagged on a difficulty, bring it to Him with thanksgiving.  Then ask Him to show us His way to handle the situation.  As we turn our attention to Him, the problem fades in significance and loses its power to trip us up.  Most of the situations that entangle our minds are not today's concerns.  He lifts the problem out of today and deposits it in the future.  In its place He gives us His peace, which flows freely from His presence.
Philippians 4:6; John 14:27

Yesterday our pastor preached on Godly mothers.  For the past few weeks, God has been dealing with my insecurities as a mom.  He has convicted me, revealed areas in need of improvement and comforted me when I felt like I was failing.  Yesterday's sermon solidifies all that God has been saying and showing me.  I have a lot of concerns and worries, but they are not today's worries, they are the future's.  I get so consumed about future worries, that it is shown through today's actions.  Worries consume me and affect others.  Let them be in the future, and God will help me through them when I get there.

5/12/14
Learn to relate to others through His love rather than ours.  Our human love is limited, full of flaws and manipulation.  Instead of trying harder to help people through our own supplies, become aware of His unlimited supply.  Let His love envelop our outreach to other people.  Many of us have fallen prey to burnout.  Countless interactions with needy people have drained us, without our conscious awareness.  Take time to rest in the love-light of His presence.  He will gradually restore to us the energy that we have lost.  Go to Him, all who are weary and burdened, and we will find rest for our souls.
Exodus 33:14; Matthew 11:28-29

Being a mom to 3 small children is a demanding job.  Last night I got no more than six hours of sleep; interrupted sleep at that!  Then to wake up and get husband off to work and children off to school.  Then I get a second to breath until everyone comes home and its chaos again.  Do not get me wrong, I love staying home and being a mother.  It is a very rewarding job, but sometimes it drains me.  I have nothing left to give by the end of the day.  Sometimes my children are sent to bed without bedtime stories.  But God reminds me to love my children through His love rather than mine.  His supply is limitless, and he can restore me.  Instead of begging for some kind of relief, I need to find rest in Him.

Growing Pains

Do not resist or run from the difficulties in our lives.  These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for our benefit and growth.  Embrace all the circumstances that He allows in our lives, trusting Him to bring good out of them.  View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Him.  When we start to feel stressed, let those feelings alert us to our need for Him.  Thus, our needs become doorways to deep dependence on Him and increasing intimacy between us.  Although self-sufficiency is acclaimed in the world, reliance on Him produces abundant living in His kingdom.  Thank Him for the difficulties in this life since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.
John 15:5; 2 Corinthians 1:8-9; Ephesians 5:20

I am going through a self-struggle; an inner desire to be a good wife/mom, but an outer struggle to become who I want to become.  In my mind and in my heart, I know I need the fruit of the spirit to take over, but it seems as if my flesh is not willing.  I mess up, and when I do I want to give up, but God tells me today to not run from my difficulties.  Not only does He want me to change, but He wants me to grow as well.  Growth results from difficulties, and I need to trust that He will bring good out of them.  When I am feeling stressed or incompetent, I am relying on myself.  I need to rely on God because only He can provide me with what I need to succeed.

Today was STATday and I am just disappointed in myself.  It seems as if for the past couple of weeks, I have self-indulged.  I gained a pound and a percentage of body fat.  I also gained an inch in my waist.  Even though I have been exercising everyday, I have noticed that it is my eating habit that affects my body and the way I feel.  I need to get a grip on it before food controls me again.  I need to always remember how great I feel when I eat healthy.  That should be motivation enough to pass on the fried foods and continue pushing through.

A Blast from the Past

Alexa is 8 years old.  In the first two years of her life I was not a Christian.  Even when I was saved at the age of 27, I still did not live a life fully devoted to God.  Here I am now, wanting desperately to raise my children in a Christian home.  To teach them how to love others, to put others before themselves, to be patient, kind and compassionate.  "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it" Proverbs 22:6.  Last Thursday I took a parenting class at ladies bible study.  It was taught by a woman that I view as a woman who lives for God.  She said we need to be intentional and active about making God's Word a part of our everyday lives.  That children need a model to go by, and that is the Word and us.  We need to model God in our lives.  My children see me spending time with God in prayer and in my devotional, but I do not always imitate Him.  I have my moments where it is easier to act out my frustrations than to let Jesus work in me.

During the parenting class, our teacher read a children's book called Koala Lou.  In summary it was about a little koala who was not receiving her mother's full attention due to a new addition to the family.  She entered a contest hoping to win back her mother's affection, but ended up losing.  Disappointed and sad, she climbed a tree and sat by herself.  Her mother went up there and told her she was so proud of her, despite her loss.  That she was sorry she did not have time for her lately, but that she loved her always.  While she was reading that, I cried.  I cried because that is how I feel about my relationship with Alexa.  Chandler and Caleb are so demanding that I never have time for Alexa.  She is so self-sufficient that I take her for granted.

Our teacher gave us tips on how to build a Christian foundation in our household, and how to train up our children.  She gave us some examples of what they do in her household, and it sounded like they had it altogether.  Her children knew what it meant to love God while my children constantly fight for their rights.  I had all these regrets about the way I have been raising my children.  I knew I could not turn back the hands of time, and I hated myself for being the mom I have been.  I ruined my children's lives and it was all my fault.  Even though my boys are still young, Alexa is 8 years old and has her ways.  How can I train an old dog new tricks.  After class I approached our teacher and poured out my heart to her.  My main worry was that I was too late for Alexa.  She shared with me that she did not start until her daughter was 8 as well.  I was so surprised because of all the things I have heard about them.  She assured me that it is never too late.

Don't be so hard on ourselves.  He can bring good even out of our mistakes.  We tend to look backward, longing to undo decisions we have come to regret.  This is a waste of time and energy, leading only to frustration.  Instead of floundering in the past, release our mistakes to Him.  Look to Him in trust, anticipating that His infinite creativity can weave both good choices and bad into a lovely design.  Because we are human, we will continue to make mistakes.  Thinking that we should live an error-free life is symptomatic of pride.  Our failures can be a source of blessing, humbling us and giving us empathy for other people in their weaknesses.  Best of all, failure highlights our dependence on Him.  He is able to bring beauty out of the morass of our mistakes.  Trust Him, and watch to see what He will do.
Romans 8:28; Micah 7:7

Overcomer

Do not long for the absence of problems in our lives.  That is an unrealistic goal since in this world we will have trouble.  We have an eternity of problem-free living reserved for us in heaven.  Begin each day anticipating problems, asking Him to equip us for whatever difficulties we will encounter.  Discuss everything with Him.  Remember that He is on our side, and He has overcome the world.
John 16:33; Isaiah 41:13; Philippians 4:13

As a mother of three, everyday brings new challenges.  Some days go smoothly, and some days are chaotic.  The way I handle one from the other depends on when I spend time with God.  Some mornings, I get up before the kids and take care of my spiritual, emotional, mental and physical being.  Other days, I hit the snooze button until the sun comes up.  Those are the days when my patience is short, kindness is thrown out the window and there is nothing left to give until I can find a moment to spend time in the Word.  God tells us that in this world, we will have trouble.  The way to deal with it is to begin each day with the Lord, asking Him to equip us with what we need that only He can provide.  He is for us and with us.  He will never leave us nor forsake us.

Good vs. Evil

For the past week, I have been eating whatever my heart desired.  I did not worry about how many calories I was consuming, nor did I really care.  For the last couple of days, I have been feeling regretful.  All of the hard work I invested into myself was going down the drain.  I felt heavy, drained of energy and just not myself.  I have been having limited sleep lately, and I know lack of sleep contributes to overeating, so I hope this is an easy fix.  In the meanwhile, I cannot help these feelings of regret, shame, sadness and anger.

If we learn to trust Him with our whole being, then nothing can separate us from His peace.  Everything we endure can be put to good use by allowing it to train us in trusting Him.  This is how we foil the works of evil, growing in grace through the very adversity that was meant to harm us.  Joseph was a prime example of this divine reversal, declaring to his brothers, "You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good."  Do not fear what this day may bring.  Concentrate on trusting Him and on doing what needs to be done.  Fear no evil, for He can bring good out of every situation we will ever encounter.
Genesis 50:20; Psalm 23:4

I have done extremely well during my weight loss journey so far, but I have stumbled.  Satan is using this opportunity to do harm; he wants me to go back to the person I used to be.  But God reminds me that He puts to good use EVERYTHING we endure.  I am to trust Him with all that I have, and all that I am.  In return, He will provide me with His peace.  I will push forward, concentrate on trusting Him and do what needs to be done.  Like I said in the beginning, there is no room for excuses.  I will do what I set out to do, and succeed.

Peace for the Weary

I am not one of those women who get all dolled up to run to Walmart.  Just yesterday I ran to Target and TJ Maxx with no makeup on and soaking wet hair.  However, on days that I am mingling with a bunch of southern women, who are dressed to the t, I feel the need to at least put on a little bit of makeup and blow dry my hair.  So on those mornings, it gets a little stressful.  We are talking an extra 45 min to an hour, depending on if my closet is cooperating, added to my morning.  So if I know I have plans, the night before is spent making a mental itinerary so that I can get out the door in time.  Waking up the next morning at the time I need to wake up is the hardest part.  I enjoy spending some quiet time before the kids get up, and I want to do it every morning, but when you can't fall asleep the night before (because your husband likes to fall asleep with the tv on) and your littlest one cannot sleep without waking mommy up at least once in the night, 5:30 comes too soon.  But God reminds me today to not search for security in this world.  That we should not make mental checklists in order to gain control, but to be more relaxed and at peace.

Do not search for security in the world we inhabit.  We tend to make mental checklists of things we need to do in order to gain control.  But the more we work to accomplish that goal, the more things crop up on our list.  The harder we try, the more frustrated we become.  There is a better way to find security in this life.  Focus our attention on His presence with us.  This continual contact with Him will keep us in His peace.  He will help us sort out what is important and what is not, what needs to be done now and what does not.  Fix our eyes not on what is seen (our circumstances), but on what is unseen (His presence).
Isaiah 26:3; 2 Corinthians 4:18

Empty Nest

Today I receive a phone call from someone close to me, saying that she thinks she has fallen into some sort of depression.  After listening to her, I come to realize that she felt this emptiness within her and she just could not pinpoint what that was.  It did not take long for both of us to realize that she just needed God.  A lot of us feel empty, a void in our hearts that we just keep filling with other things.  While it might fill that void, it is only temporary.  I know people who fill that void with material things, and while it satisfies them, it is not permanent.  Sooner than later, they start feeling that emptiness again.  They start feeling hopeless, lost and sad.  I have been there many times.  It was not until I started seeking God daily that I stopped going around in circles.  God is ready to meet us halfway, and to start filling that void in our hearts.  It is up to us to take that first step.

Go to Him for all that we need.  Go into His presence with thanksgiving, for thankfulness opens the door to His treasures.  When we are thankful, we affirm the central truth that He is good.  He is light, in whom there is no darkness at all.  The assurance that He is entirely good meets our basic need for security.  Relax in the knowledge that the One who controls our lives is totally trustworthy.  Go to Him with confident expectation.  There is nothing we need that He cannot provide.
Psalm 95:2; 1 John 1:5

In the Still of the Morning

For about a few weeks now, I have been setting my alarm and getting up before the kids.  Some days I hit the snooze button a million times and get up when the kids get up.  Other days, I get right up and spend that quiet morning drinking coffee, doing my devotional and exercising.  If I had it my way, I would get up every morning when the alarm sounds.  I just love the quietness of the early morning.  It gives me time to reflect.  It allows me to spend time with God alone.  It gives me the opportunity to take care of myself before I start taking care of others.  It is so important for me to let God fill my cup, allowing it to overflow to other areas of my life.  

Meet Him in morning stillness, while the earth is fresh with the dew of His presence.  Worship Him in the beauty of holiness.  Sing love songs to His Holy Name.  As we give ourselves to Him, His spirit swells within us till we are flooded with divine presence.  The world's way of pursuing riches is grasping and hoarding.  We attain His riches by letting go and giving.  The more we give ourselves to Him and His way, the more He fills us with inexpressible, heavenly joy.

Psalm 29:2; 1 Peter 1:8

Pleaser

Growing up I was always the chunky smart girl.  Treasurer of my high school student council, and an A/B student, I never had much of a social life.  I didn't even have my first boyfriend until I was a senior in high school!  Then you add into the equation a mother who is very critical.  Grades were never good enough, weight was never low enough and so on.  I am not bashing my mother by any means.  I understand why she thought she had to be so critical.  But it does shape who I am today.

I am a people pleaser.  I feel like my acceptance is based on my performance.  The more I do, the more I will be liked by others.  It is very stressful because no matter how deep of a friendship I might form with someone, I feel like I have to constantly live up to expectations in order to keep it that deep.  I have a wall up, and there are only a handful of people that know the other half of me.  The other half that I keep tucked away because I fear judgment, criticism and most of all, rejection.

We cannot serve two masters.  If He is truly our Master, we will desire to please Him above all others.  If pleasing people is our goal, we will be enslaved to them.  People can be harsh taskmasters when we give them this power over us.  If He is the Master of our lives, He will also be our first love.  Our serving Him is rooted and grounded in His vast, unconditional love for us.  The lower we bow down before Him, the higher He lifts us up into intimate relationship with Him.  The joy of living in His presence outshines all other pleasures.  He wants us to reflect His joyous light by living in increasing intimacy with Him.
Matthew 6:24; Revelation 2:4; Ephesians 3:16-17; Psalm 16:11

God reminds me today that I cannot serve Him and others.  I never thought that people pleasing means people serving, but that makes sense.  I do things to please people when I should be doing things to please God.  I get so consumed with being the person I think people will like that I lose who I truly am.  I stop embracing the real me.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God.  Trying to change who God made me to be is saying that God did not do a good job.  It's saying that I do not want to be who God made me to be.  That I would rather conform to what people want me to be.

Last night was Friday family fun night in our household.  We ordered Chinese food (our favorite except for Jeremy), and rented Wreck-It-Ralph on the Wii.  If you have not seen the movie, Ralph is this huge guy who has BIG fists and anything he hits, he wrecks.  I want Ralph to come wreck the wall I have put up.  I want to stop pretending.  I want to be who I am without fear.  I want to embrace every part of me.  I want to let people in because that is what forms deep, meaningful friendships.  If my friendships are based on performance, they aren't real friendships to begin with.

Today was STATday.  I lost .25" off my arms.  I am kind of frustrated because I haven't lost any inches in a few weeks!  Maybe I am doomed to have all this loose skin for the rest of my life.  But I do feel great.  Yesterday I went to the mall.  JC Penney was having a huge sale, and I needed some shorts.  I grabbed some sizes that I thought would fit, but I discovered in the fitting room that they were actually too big.  Moments like that is the reason why I keep pushing on even though the scale stays the same, and the inches do not change.  It is not all about the physical, but the mental and emotional as well.  If I am on this journey just to change physically, it will not last long.  The mental and the emotional is what will change me forever.

Dependence Day

I used to hate eating healthy and exercising.  I dreaded the days when I would have to work out.  Now I do not mind it at all.  I can even say I enjoy it.  It makes me feel alive, healthy and energetic.  What has changed, you might ask.  I have struggled with weight almost my whole life.  It was not until I gave it up to God that I did not have to face that struggle alone.  He has shown me an easy way, an uncomplicated path to a healthy lifestyle.

I love hamburgers; they are my weakness.  The other day Jeremy wanted to go to Hardee's for lunch.  I pulled up, ordered Jeremy a meal and when the gentleman asked "anything else", I was surprised to hear myself say "that's it" and not "a bacon cheeseburger please."  Jeremy was surprised as well because he said "you don't want anything?!"  It was Meatless Tuesday (I switched days this week), and I did not get my workout in that morning.  I could have 1) messed up on meatless day, ate a big fat juicy burger and went home and took a nap or 2) commit to Meatless Tuesday and go home and exercise.  I chose the latter, not because of my own will, but because of God's.  Oh trust me, for a second there, I almost gave in.  But God gives me His willpower when faced with temptation.  He gives me His strength on days I cannot muster up the energy to work out.  He helps me carry the burden.

Living in dependence on Him is the way to enjoy abundant life.  We are learning to appreciate tough times because they amplify our awareness of His presence.  Tasks that we used to dread are becoming rich opportunities to enjoy His closeness.  When we feel tired, remember that He is our strength.  He is pleased when we turn to Him more and more, especially when we are alone.  When we are around other people, we often lose sight of His presence.  Fear of displeasing people puts us in bondage to them, and they become our primary focus.  When this happens, whisper His name.  This brings Him to the forefront of our consciousness.  As we bask in the blessing of His nearness, His life can flow through us to others.  This is abundant life.
Proverbs 29:25; John 10:10

In a Blink of an Eye

Next year, all of my children will be in school.  We are enrolling Caleb into the preschool program at our church three days a week.  That means, for the first time since I started staying home, I will have three mornings all to myself.  Even though one part of me is excited, the other part is anxious.  I am sure I will find lots to do with the free time given to me, but this marks the beginning of my newfound freedom, my children growing up, and the search of a new identity.  All of those things make me sad, and I realize how fast time has flown by.  Half of that time was spent cherishing every moment, and the other half was spent with blinders on; letting the world pass me by while I tried to make it to the end of the day.  So much time wasted.  So many opportunities I have missed out on.

We are on the path of His choosing.  There is no randomness about our lives.  Here and now comprise the coordinates of our daily lives.  Most people let their moments slip through their fingers, half-lived.  They avoid the present by worrying about the future or longing for a better time and place.  They forget that their Creator only walks with them in the present.  As we give ourselves more to a life of constant communion with Him, we will find that we have no time for worry.  Thus, we are freed to let His Spirit direct our steps, enabling us to walk along the path of peace.
Luke 12:25-26; Luke 1:79

God tells me today to live in the present.  Do not worry about the future.  I am stressing so much about what I am going to do with my free time next year that I am missing out on what I have now.  I am stressing out about making my free time meaningful that I am missing out on what God might have me do.  He has me exactly where He wants me to be.  There are no mistakes, no randomness.  I need to embrace today, the now.  One day I might be back in the work force and wish with my whole heart that I was at home again.  One day my children will be taller than me and I would do anything for them to be little and innocent again.  Everyday I need to thank God for the blessings He has poured upon me, and not take anything for granted.  I want to live one day at a time, cherishing every moment because in a blink of an eye, this time will pass and I will have missed everything.