A Month Ago

I can't believe that a month ago, I became a mom. A month ago, I felt a new kind of love that I have never felt before. I can't put into words how much I love this little girl, but I just love her. I can't believe a whole month has passed. Time sure flies when you are having fun.

Here's Alexa, a whole month old!

She's working on lifting her head. She is doing very well at it too.











And last by not least, the picture I've been waiting for. See, she likes to smile and laugh while sleeping and I've been wanting to take a picture of her doing it, but always missed my chance. Well today, I sat next to her for a good while with the camera to my eye in case she did it. The results...

Ouch!

Somebody once told me that the best time to cut an infant's nails is when they are asleep. That's when they are still and you are less likely to clip their skin. Well, I cut Alexa's nails about a week and a half after she was born, and I found it pretty easy. Today after her bath, she fell asleep. I took this opportunity to give her nails a trim. I felt confident and less nervous this time around because I have done it once successfully. I was on my last finger when all of a sudden, she flinched and started to cry. Once I calmed her down, I went back to that finger and realized that I cut her skin. It started to bleed, not much, but enough to make me feel so awful.

She had her month old checkup appointment today. Guess how much she weighs...6 lbs 14 oz! I can't believe it. I can't believe she is almost 7 lbs. I figured she gained weight because her face looks a little chubbier and she has a double chin now, but I wasn't for sure. The doctor said she looks great and very healthy.

In a month, she will go back to get her second round of the hepatitis shot. We will see how that goes!

Baaaaaa

This is so cute that I have to share with everyone...

While Alexa is asleep, she will once in awhile baaa like a sheep. She literally sounds like a sheep when she does that. It is just too cute.

Over the weekend, I met one of my fellow blogger friends, Diana at Tristyn's birthday party. It felt like I have known her forever, even though it was my first time meeting her. She is as sweet and as beautiful as her blog portrays her. I also had the privilege of meeting her daughter Destiny, who is so adorable and so well mannered.

Well I'm going to go spend some more time with Alexa. I'll leave with you my favorite picture...

Almost a Week

So it's been almost a week now that my mom has been gone. It was hard the first couple of days, but I have gotten into a bit of a routine and it is not that hard to get up in the middle of the night anymore. Alexa is doing great. She is still eating like a champ...drinking 3 oz. in less than 30 minutes. I have decided to stop with the breast milk. I know I should probably stick with it, but it is very stressful and it takes a lot out of me to pump every 3 hours. I have been trying everyday to nurse Alexa, but she isn't getting what she needs and is too tired afterwards to take a bottle as a supplement, so I decided to quit. I do not pump as often as I used to, so now Alexa is being fed formula every other feeding. Soon it will go down to just formula. I'm just waiting for my milk supply to decrease. I tried the best that I could and maybe I could have tried a little harder, but I just don't have the energy anymore.

I am also in search of a new job. I am tired of traveling to Midtown everyday and especially with Alexa here, I want to be closer in case of emergencies. Speaking of going back to work, my friend, who was suppose to watch Alexa when I go back to work, informed me today that she no longer can't because a parent that she is currently working for are having another baby. Therefore, she has no room for Alexa since she does not have a license. I wish I could stay home, but we can't afford to. We do have someone in mind though...you know who you are.

Well, wish me luck on finding a new job!

Birthday Wishes!

Birthday wishes go out to my favorite niece Tristyn.

Happy Birthday! Can't wait to see you at your birthday party!

2.5 Weeks

Here is Alexa at 2.5 weeks old!

My mom went home yesterday. Today is my first day alone with her. I don't quite have a routine going with her, but I will figure one out. It is nice though spending this quality time with her...just us. She doesn't cry at all unless I am taking too long getting her bottle warmed up or taking too long changing her diaper. She's so impatient! But she sounds so cute when she is crying. Well she's waking up and it's almost time for her to eat, so let me go!

First Doctor's Appointment

Today was Alexa's first doctor's appointment. It went extremely well. She gained 7 oz. and is an ounce over her birth weight. She shrunk an inch though. When she was born, she was 19 in. and now she is 18 in. I think it's because her conehead went down a lot since she was born. The pediatrician said that since she was gaining a good amount of weight, I don't have to wake her up every three hours at night to feed her. If she looks content sleeping, let her sleep, but do not go over five hours without feeding her at night. My mom has been keeping her with her at nights so I can get some sleep and my mom said that last night, Alexa would not wake up for her feeding, and my mom had to force her awake so she can eat and she did not eat too well. So the pediatrician said just to let her sleep.

Her cord fell off today. When I undressed her at the doctor's office, I noticed that her cord was gone and I asked my mom when it fell off and she remembered it being intact when she last changed her diaper. So we looked in her onesie and it was attached to it. So I am happy to say that she has a cute little belly button. Jeremy wants to save it, but I think it's gross.

The doctor said we should increase the amount of milk we put in her bottle. We have been feeding her 60 cc, but my mom last night fed her about 80 cc. She took it all. So the doctor said to increase it and give her as much as she wants. She also said that since Alexa is on breast milk, we should give her a multivitamin once a day, which confuses me because I thought breast milk was better than formula. Since Alexa has been drinking so much milk, my supply that I had stacked up is nearly gone, which brings me to my next topic...

I want to stop pumping. I try to breastfeed Alexa, but she doesn't seem to do very well. She gets tired after one breast. I know it takes time, but I am really tired of pumping every three hours. I want to stop pumping and give Alexa formula. Is that selfish of me? The reason I started in the first place was to give her the colostrum, but now that that is gone, it feels pointless in giving her breast milk, especially since the pediatrician is telling me she needs a multivitamin. Do y'all think Alexa will transition well to formula? I guess so because that is what they were giving her at the NICU unit before I started giving them what I had pumped. I need help. I want the best for my daughter, but pumping just really wears me out. What should I do?

She's Home!

I am happy to report that Alexa came home on Saturday. Jeremy and I picked her up at the hospital around noon. She is adjusting well to her new surroundings and Jeremy and I are so happy she is finally with us. It has been easy so far with her, but I know once my mom leaves, things will be different. I don't sleep very much at nights because I have to wake up every two hours to pump, change her diaper, feed her, tuck her back in bed and then clean up, but during the day, my mom switches with me so I can sleep. I still have to wake up every three hours to pump, but at least I can go right back to bed afterwards. I have been doing laundry every minute of everyday because Alexa likes to shoot into the open air. Once her diaper is off, she lets loose. Yesterday she got it all over my clothes.

We had our first scare this morning. My mom fed her and laid her back in the bassinett and I slipped into the shower. When I got out, I heard her fussing and then crying. I ran over to her and she is spitting up her milk and it was also coming out of her nose. I yelled for my mom, tipped her on her side and then used that suction pump they gave me to get it out of her nose and mouth. She was crying so badly and it was making me nervous. I finally got it all out, thank the Lord. She never cries, so it was a little nerve wrecking when she did.

The thing I love most about her is while she is sleeping, she will grin or have a huge smile with her mouth wide open. She is so cute when she does that. I am going to have to catch her at that exact moment and take a picture because she looks so adorable when she does it.

Well let me go take a nap before night falls.

The Moment We Have Been Waiting For...

Alexa gets to come home tomorrow! Jan, the nurse practitioner who assesses her everyday, called today and said that she is doing extremely well and is taking all of her bottles, so she is going to be discharged tomorrow. She would be discharged today, but she hasn't gained any weight, so they want to keep her there tonight to see if she will gain any weight. That's okay with us because we still have a few more things to do in her room and we also have to pick up her piggy bank that we had personalized for her, and that store is near the hospital, so tomorrow works out best for us. Also, tomorrow is Jeremy's birthday and this is a great birthday present for him. She will be home to celebrate her daddy's birthday! Jan told us just to call tomorrow to set up an appointment with her nurse so we can do the one hour car seat test and then go over discharge information. I'll probably set my alarm to 6:00 a.m. so we can get her early. I probably won't even be able to sleep!

I am kind of nervous about her coming home though. I don't know if I will do a good job. I've been waiting for this moment since last Thursday, and now that she is finally coming home, I am getting nervous. Especially since she is a preemie, I don't know if the house will be too cold/hot for her, if she will eat well for us, etc. I hope my maternal instincts kick in soon and being a mother will come easy to me.

Another great news. My insurance called me today and said that the accident was not my fault, so that girl's insurance should cover my damages and my insurance will not go up. I am happy about that.

I also dropped my courses for this semester so I can focus my whole attention on Alexa. Before I had her, I thought I can be supermom. Work full time, then go to school at nights, but ever since I had her, I just want to be near her 24/7. Especially with what we have been going through this past week, I don't know if I could have kept up on my school work. I would rather drop this semester than fail and lose my Hope scholarship.

Having my mom here has been great. She does everything: laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning. I just sit here on the couch and ask her to bring me things. It's like having a maid. I am so glad Alexa will be home so that my mom could spend time with her before she goes home. I am especially glad that we can hold her, change her diaper and stuff like that without all the wires. I will update everyone as to how it is going with her at home. Thanks to everyone for their prayers.

A Rollercoaster

Yesterday, my stress level was like a rollercoaster. One minute I would be stress free, the next minute my stress level will be at its highest. It started in the morning. My mother and I go down to the hospital to see Alexa and the nurse tells me she has had four bottles in a row. Taking 35 cc in less than 30 minutes. I breastfed her at noon and she feeds for 15 minutes and then takes another 32 cc from the bottle as a supplement. Everything is going great. We stick around until 3 so I can feed her the bottle and she takes 33 cc.

We leave around 4 and while driving home on GA 400, this lady loses control of her car, crosses two lanes of traffic and hits the truck in front of me. Going 60-65 miles per hour, I could not stop in time, so I hit him. My brand new 2.5 month old Tahoe is crushed on the left side of the hood. I am shaking and my stress level goes up to the max. The cop comes, gives me a court date and says the insurance companies will come up with who has to pay for the damages on my car. It better be that girl's insurance. But still, I think our insurance will go up for this.

Then I get home and Jeremy's mother tells me that at 6 p.m., Alexa only drank 20 cc (Jeremy's mom and stepfather went up to see her last night), and if she doesn't take the next 15 with Laurie, her nurse, then they will tube feed her. There goes my stress level. I don't want her being tube fed anymore because she was doing so well. She had 6 bottles straight in a row with no problems and taking it all in.

Well, last night I called and her nurse told me that she was doing great and she just needed a little rest before her feedings. When my mother and I went up there about 11:30, she was held by either my mom or I for 4 hours, so that is why she only took 20 cc at 6:00 p.m. But her nurse did inform me that Laurie tried to give her the other 15 cc by bottle and she took 13 cc, so that was close enough. Then her 9:00 feeding, she took 40 cc. So she is doing extremely well. That would have been her 9th bottle in a row.

This morning I called and she has Laurie again as her nurse, which is so strange because she never has the same nurse twice. But I am glad because Laurie is great with her. She tells me she had the bottle all night and did wonderfully. She has been taking in more than 40 cc. She said her jaundice is still low, at a 8.4, and if she does well all day today, she might come home tonight or tomorrow morning. Let's pray for tonight because Jan, the nurse practitioner, said she only need 8 in a row and if she does well all day today, she should have taken in like 12 in a row. We will see what Jan says after she assesses her today.

Thanks to everyone who has been keeping us in your prayers. I am truly grateful for everyone's support.

Update

It has been a tiring week. Jeremy, my mom and I have been driving to the hospital everyday this week to see Alexa. She has made a lot of improvements. Her jaundice level has gone down, so they took her off the light treatment which gives her more energy to eat; she is in a regular bed and has been able to keep her temperature; she is breathing well on her own; and she is breastfeeding very well. The nurses are saying she has a good strong suck. She has been downing all of her bottles within a matter of 15 minutes. However, the doctor wants to see her drink 8 bottles in one day for them to release her. But the problem is, the doctor has only ordered 4-6 bottles a day. The nurses are feeding her the bottle every other feeding. The rest is done by tubes. Therefore, the nurses are only giving her the bare minimum that the doctor has ordered. I have a feeling she is going to be in there for a long time because of how slow the hospital are taking things. Jeremy and I would like for them to give her a bottle every feeding and IF she happens to not drink it all, then tube the rest. The nurse told us today that once all the antibiotics, that they pumped into her the first few days, are out of her system, then she will have more energy and will be able to take more bottles. One major improvement is that she got transferred to a less critical unit of the preemie nursery, which is a sign that she is doing very well.

I miss her. I am so ready to be a mom, but with her not next to me, it is so hard for me to feel like one. After leaving the hospital, I cried because I can't be with her 24/7. I don't want her to think we are deserting her nor do I want her to feel unloved or alone. The nurses don't hold her. They don't have the time to love her with all the other babies. Jeremy and I are only allowed to hold her for so long because she needs her rest. I just hate leaving her there with no one to love her.

Everyone raves about how great Northside is. We hate it. Alexa has a really bad diaper rash because the nurses change her every 3 hours. They let her sit in her own crap for three hours. I wish they would change her more often, especially since she has that bad rash. I just can't wait to take her home and take good care of her.

I want to end in a happy note. Jeremy and I got a new camera and a camcorder. We are ready to film our little girl coming home!