Let It Go

So far I think I have done a pretty good job letting go of certain things and giving it to God.  Other things, however, are harder to let go of.  My need for control is one of those things.  After a non-stop weekend and a visit from my monthly friend, I did not have the energy to wake up at 5 this morning.  As you know, last week I started waking up that early to spend quiet time with the Lord, and to get my workout in without interruptions.  Well this morning we slept in for as long as we could, which resulted in a frantic morning.  So here I am at 9:33 am, spending quiet time with the Lord while drinking my morning smoothie.  Then I need to schedule my workout in sometime today.  But the problem I seem to be having is a lack of energy, bad cramps and backache.  I could take the day off, but I cannot leave one day unchecked on my T25 calendar!  That is unacceptable!  Then there's laundry, which I swear I just did a load yesterday, and Caleb.  Since we slept in, we missed out on going to a fun place, so I owe it to him to do something fun here.  Sleeping in this morning just ruined my whole day.  Now my schedule is off, which makes me stressed.

This is a time in my life when I must learn to let go:  of loves ones, of possessions, of control.  In order to let go of something, I need to rest in His presence, where I am complete.  As I relax more and more, my grasping hand gradually opens up, releasing it into His care.  I can feel secure through awareness of His continual presence.  He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  As I release more and more things into His care, remember that He never lets go of my hand.  Herein lies my security, which no one and no circumstance can take from me.
Psalm 89:15; Hebrews 13:8; Isaiah 41:13

I have three small children who are in constant demand.  I am in a season of life where I cannot control everything.  My goal is to wake up every morning at 5, but it does not mean it is going to happen.  Non-stop weekends, interrupted sleep, late nights, all contribute to sleeping in.  But that is ok.  There will come a time in my life where a weekend will not be filled with kid birthday parties, or kids crying in the middle of the night, or late nights because a kid refuses to sleep.  Maybe then my life can be schedule oriented, but right now it changes from day to day.  But I should embrace each season of life because it brings something different.  And I know one day I will miss this season and would do anything to get it back.

Petitions

In Matthew 7:7 it states, "ask and it shall be given to you", but I had a problem approaching God with the desires of my own heart.  I felt selfish demanding for things I thought were insignificant.  But I got to a point in my life where I knew what I wanted, where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be.  I had a blueprint for my life; I just needed God to confirm that my blueprint aligned with His.  So I started praying, asking God to show me.  Petitioning to Him my requests, and asking Him to give me what my heart desires.  As I sat in church this morning, I realized how blessed I am.  Over the years, God has poured out his blessings onto me and my family.  He might not have granted all of my wishes, but He did grant the most important ones.  He reminds me today to not be afraid to ask, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

He is a God of both intricate detail and overflowing abundance.  When we entrust the details of our lives to Him, we are surprised by how thoroughly He answers our petitions.  He takes pleasure in hearing our prayers, so feel free to bring Him our requests.  The more we pray, the more answers we can receive.  Our faith is strengthened as we see how precisely He responds to our specific prayers.  He is infinite in all His ways.  He will never run out of resources.  Abundance is at the very heart of who He is.  Go to Him in joyful expectation of receiving all we need.  He delights in showering blessings on His beloved children.  Go to Him with open hands and heart, ready to receive all He has for us.
Psalm 36:7-9; Psalm 132:15; John 6:12-13

I forgot to report yesterday my weigh-in results.  I am down another pound, making it 3 pounds until I reach my pre-pregnancy weight.  I am feeling very good about myself, and it has affected my energy and confidence.  Changing the emotional and mental part of this journey has allowed me to change the physical part.  This journey is not just about shedding pounds, but baggage as well.

The Two T's

Rejoice and be thankful.  As we walk with Him through this day, practice trusting and thanking Him along the way.  Trust is the channel through which His presence flows into us.  Thankfulness lifts us up above our circumstances.  He does His greatest works through people with grateful, trusting hearts.  Rather than planning and evaluating, practice trusting and thanking Him.  This shift will revolutionize our lives.
Philippians 4:4; Psalm 95:1-2; Psalm 9:10

This year I am embarking on several journeys.  With each journey that I am on, I need to trust the Lord to carry me through it.  There are good days and there are bad days, but the good far outweigh the bad.  Already the Lord has shown Himself in a mighty way.  Practicing trust and thankfulness is a daily thing.  It is something I have to work on everyday, especially when it is a bad day.  But God doesn't give me more than I can handle, and in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.

Inside Out

It is amazing to see that when you surrender something to the Lord, He blesses it.  That thing that you have struggled with for so long becomes easier to manage, when you trust God to do what He does best.  He has plans to prosper us, not harm us; to give us hope and a future.  So instead of trying to do things my way, and becoming frustrated when things do not go as planned, I will do things His way.  I have done things my way for so long, and it never works out.  I am weak in many areas, so I need to rely on His strength to carry me through.

Trust Him and do not be afraid, for He is our strength and song.  His power is unlimited.  Human weakness draws His power into our neediness.  However, fear can block flow of His strength into us.  Instead of being afraid, concentrate on trusting Him.  When we have confident trust in Him, there is no limit to how much He can strengthen us.  Remember that He is our song.  He wants us to share His joy, living in conscious awareness of His presence.  Rejoice as we journey together toward heaven.  Join Him in singing His song.
Isaiah 12:2-3; Psalm 21:6

Tomorrow is STAT day.  Instead of just weighing myself, I will also be measuring my arms, thighs, chest and waist.  I have started T25 this week and I absolutely love it!  It's short and intense!  I have also gone back to counting my calories.  There are some days when I am just absolutely starving, so I will listen to my body, even if that means I eat extra calories.  During this weight loss journey, I have realized that it is not about just changing the physical aspect, it's about the emotional and mental too.  If I do not change all three during this journey, I will ultimately fail in the end.  That is why my weight has always been an issue.  I find it so ironic that the theme of VBS at our church this year is Inside Out.  That is my journey this year; to change from the inside out, not outside in, like it has been for many years.

Thank Him

I loved being up early yesterday and spending quiet time with the Lord in peace, and getting my workout in before the day started.  So I decided to wake up at 5:00 am this morning as well.  As I mentioned several posts ago, we are a one-car family.  There are some days I feel like marching into a dealership and purchasing a vehicle, regardless of the monthly payment.  That is not to say we can afford any amount, but adding a second car payment will be less stressful than sharing a car.  Yesterday Jeremy calls me and tells me that his uncle has a friend who is selling his OLD Ford Ranger for $800.  He just replaced the transmission and put a fresh coat of paint on.  Now I am all about saving money, but I have a problem with old clunkers.  I am afraid that after a couple of months, we will be dumping more money into it than it is worth.  Not to mention that even though Jeremy will have a vehicle, he still wants a diesel truck.  So why not skip the clunker and go ahead and purchase that diesel truck.  But God spoke to me this morning:

Thank Him for the glorious gift of His Spirit.  As we bring Him the sacrifice of thanksgiving, regardless of our feelings, His Spirit is able to work more freely within us.  This produces more thankfulness and more freedom, until we are overflowing with gratitude.  He showers blessings on us daily, but sometimes we don't perceive them.  When our mind is stuck on a negative focus, we see neither Him nor His gifts.  In faith, thank Him for whatever is preoccupying our mind.  This will clear the blockage so that we can find Him.
2 Corinthians 5:5; 2 Corinthians 3:17; Psalm 50:14

He reminds me that I should not focus so much on clunker vs. newer car.  It is about Him providing for us during our time of need.  We need a second vehicle, and God has made a way for us to be able to afford one.  I just do not perceive this blessing because I am focused so much on the negative aspects of owning an old car.  Who knows, this truck might be the best vehicle we have ever owned.  I should not label it because it is old.  I need to be thankful regardless of my feelings on the situation.

God's Vessel

It is 5:15 am and I am sitting on the couch, coffee in one hand, devotional in the other, and my laptop open.  I hear it humming softly as I sit here trying to apply this morning's devotional to my life, but my mind is blank; I have nothing.  I begin to wonder, is it too early?  After two months of blogging, am I done?  Do I have nothing else to give?  But God made me realize that this isn't about me.  Spending quiet time with Him is not about what He can do for me.  It is about what He can do with me.  Every page of this devotional is Him speaking to me about His love and His presence.  Who cares if I cannot apply it to a personal experience.  How selfish to think that God placed this book in my care to have it only apply to me.  Here is today's devotional, and I know it will speak to all of us.

He speaks to us from the depths of our being.  Hear Him say soothing words of peace, assuring us of His love.  Do not listen to voices of accusation, for they are not from Him.  He speaks in love-tones, lifting us up.  His Spirit convicts cleanly, without crushing words of shame.  Let the Spirit take charge of our minds.  Be transformed by the truth that He lives within us.  Let His light shine in us; do not dim it with worries or fears.  Holiness is letting Him live through us.  Since He dwells in us, we are fully equipped to be holy.  Pause before responding to people or situations, giving His Spirit space to act through us.  He wants to inhabit all our moments, gracing our thoughts, words and behavior.
Romans 8:1-2; Colossians 1:27; 1 Corinthians 6:19

I was awaken by Jeremy this morning as He was getting ready for work.  By the time he left, I was fully awake.  Instead of trying to go back to sleep, only to wake up an hour or so later, I decided to have coffee and spend time with the Lord in peace and quiet.  It is during this time, when it is utterly quiet, that He speaks to me from the depths of my being.  When there is no distraction, and it is just me and the Lord, He reveals to me about how selfish I have been.  I started this blog so that I can allow God to heal me, hoping that through each devotional I can be transformed.  While I have made some great improvements, there are days when I feel like it's one step forward, two steps back.  I read and blog, only to go back to the person I want to change.  But I am a work in progress, and even though I have changes that need to be made, I know that this blog is a tool to reach others as well.  I am a vessel of God, here to do His works, not my own.

Forget About Tomorrow

When you have three kids, 40 minutes in carpool to look forward to, errands to run, social gatherings to attend, a workout video to fit in, never ending laundry to do and quiet time with the Lord to spend, you can only get through a day like that with an itinerary.  Last night as I laid in bed wide awake because I drank a cup of green tea at 8:00 pm, forgetting that there is caffeine in green tea, I went over my mental itinerary.  Each activity had its own time slot, with a start and an end time.  I had to be my own drill sergeant if I was to accomplish all that I had on my list.  So when my alarm went off this morning, I did not hesitate to get up.  I know I sound crazy, but this works for me.  I would go insane in this chaos if I did not have some sort of order in my head.

Trust Him one day at a time.  This keeps us close to Him, responsive to His will.  Trust is not a natural response.  Exert our will to trust Him in all circumstances.  Don't let our need to understand distract us from His presence.  He will equip us to get through this day victoriously as we live in deep dependence on Him.  Tomorrow is busy worrying about itself.  Trust Him one day at a time.
Psalm 84:12; Matthew 6:34

What really caught my attention in today's devotional was "tomorrow is busy worrying about itself."  I am sure the green tea had a big part in why I had insomnia last night, but worry played a bigger part.  Worry that I was not going to get all that I needed to get done.  Worry that I was not going to get my workout in before MOPS.  Worry that I was going to run behind, and that was inevitable.  I was running extremely behind this morning.  But did it throw my whole day off...no.  So instead of worrying about tomorrow, and making a mental itinerary, I need to trust God to get me through my day.  Life will throw curveballs, but if I trust in God, He will help me through it.  God has taught me priorities.  It is not about checking off mental checklists.  It is about spending time wisely.  So what if I have two loads of laundry to do.  Spending quality time with my family is what matters most.  I don't always practice what I preach, but I must always try and remember that I will always have laundry, but I will never have this time back.

Measuring Up

One of my biggest frustrations is when I feel misunderstood.  For example, when Jeremy makes a comment such as "there is never any food in this house", I get defensive and he does not know why.  When you live life with high expectations of yourself, it is easy to allow simple comments to become targets pointed at you.  I feel like I am constantly defending myself and explaining my actions.  I feel like I have to live up to everyone's expectations, including my own, and when comments get thrown at me, I feel like I am failing.  Simply said, I am a people pleaser.

Go to Him for understanding since He knows me far better than I know myself.  He comprehends me in all my complexity.  He views me through eyes of grace.  Allow the light of His presence to shine into the deepest recesses of my being; cleansing, healing, refreshing and renewing me.  Trust Him enough to accept the full forgiveness that He offers me continually.  This great gift, which cost Him His life, is mine for all eternity.  When no one else seems to understand me, simply draw closer to Him.  He understands me completely and loves me perfectly.
Psalm 139: 1-4; 2 Corinthians 1:21-22; Joshua 1:5

The only person I need to please is the Lord.  Nobody else has to understand me because the Lord understands me completely, and loves me in all my imperfections.  Even though I do not forgive myself for my imperfections, He does.  He did not give up His life for nothing.  He gave it up so that we can know the full extent of His love.  I need to accept this gift graciously and humbly, knowing that He will never stop loving me, even though I do not measure up.  I can stop defending myself because He is my defender.  I do not have to measure up to anyone's standards because He loves me just the way I am.  Unconditional love is the only love I need to seek.  That kind of love will heal me and free me.

It's Him, Not Me

Committing to this blog has not been easy.  There are days when I have to "fit" it in.  Don't get me wrong, this blog has been so great for me, but when you are a mom of three, and a part-time single mother, it is hard to find the time.  The weekends are especially hard because Jeremy is off and we spend a lot of family time together.  Today is no exception.  After spending another busy day together, I am just now sitting down to write this blog.  Granted, 8:43 is not late, but I just finished making a batch of pancakes to freeze for the week, and the kitchen is a mess.  It was a toss up between cleaning the kitchen or writing my blog entry.  Obviously the blog won, as it should have.

It is good that we recognize our weaknesses.  That keeps us looking to Him, our strength.  Abundant life is not necessarily health and wealth; it is living in continual dependence on Him.  Instead of trying to fit this day into a preconceived mold, relax and be on the lookout for what He is doing.  Don't take ourselves so seriously.  He can equip us to do anything, as long as it is His will.  Anxiety wraps us up in ourselves, trapping us in our own thoughts.  Focus on Him, and we will find peace in His presence.
Philippians 4:13; Proverbs 17:22

As I learned in the Gideon study, our weaknesses unlock God's strength.  If we were perfect, we would have no need for God.  And as I have said before, I seem to read these devotionals at just the perfect time; His perfect time.  I would love to wake up before sunrise and do this, but it is just not realistic in my season of life.  There are days when I can blog after carpool, and there are days when I do not get to it until just before bedtime.  But whatever time it is, it is at that moment that I was meant to read that day's devotional.  God doesn't make mistakes.  And no matter what my day looks like, He can equip me to do anything.  His strength, not mine.

Ask, Seek And Knock

Next week marks the beginning of my new 10 week workout program.  I purchased the T25 program, and I am excited to see how it will transform my body.  Having just come out of a deload week, and beginning a whole new program next week, I have been unmotivated to go hardcore this week.  I only worked out three times and ate more than my allotted calories.  However, I felt like my body needed to come back slow.  So this week, I listened to my body.  I stopped obsessing and did what was best for my mind and body. 

Listen to the love song that I am continually singing to you.  I take great delight in you.  The voices of the world are a cacophony of chaos, pulling you this way and that.  Don't listen to those voices; challenge them with His Word.  Learn to take minibreaks from the world, finding a place to be still in His presence.  Though He pours out blessings upon you always, some of His richest blessings have to be actively sought.  Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
Zephaniah 3:17; Matthew 7:7

After I read this morning's devotional, I have come to realize that this week wasn't about right vs. wrong; how many calories I was consuming, how many days I exercised, how intense I went with my workouts.  It was about the mental and emotional aspects of my journey.  The stuff that has to change, along with my physical aspects, in order to succeed.  When I went to bed last night, I began to think about how I would feel if I gained after the week that I had.  But instead of freaking out, I was at peace about it.  This is a lifelong journey, and I never promised myself that it was going to be easy.  There will be good days and bad.  I will have success, as well as failure.  But God loves me no matter what, shortcomings and all.  I will not live my life allowing the world to tell me what to do.  I am going to actively seek God because that is where I find contentment amidst the demands of this world. 

With all that being said, I weighed myself this morning and I lost a pound.  I am surprised because I have not done so great this week, but like I said before and will continue saying (and I guess that is why Jeremy always calls me peat and repeat...hahaha), "seek the Kingdom of God first, and everything else will follow."