Rest For The Weary

As I spend the early part of my morning in the car, I cannot help but let those feelings of worthlessness get me down.  I realize that this is what I have been talking about for the past few blogs, but this is me.  Lately, this is what I seem to be dealing with on a daily basis.  This is my battle.  Anyway, I call my sister-in-law to talk about it, instead of letting it eat at me and ruin my entire day.  I can see now that this is my greatest weakness, and Satan is using it to his advantage.  I know that I am a threat to him.  Anyone allowing God to change them, and be used for His glory, is a threat to Satan.  I just do not know why I can't see this for what it truly is, and stop beating myself up for the lies Satan is attacking me with.

Go to Him for rest and refreshment.  The journey has been too much for you, and you are bone-weary.  Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion.  Instead, see it as an opportunity for Him to take charge of your life.  Remember that He can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different.  Start with where you are, accepting that this is where He intends for you to be.  Your desire to live in His presence goes against the world, the flesh and the devil.  Much of your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents.  However, you are on the path of His choosing, so do not give up!  Hope in Him, for you will again praise Him for the help of His presence.
Romans 8:28; Psalm 42:11

I am tired of this constant struggle within myself.  I feel like there are days when God is frustrated with my constant criticism and just wants me to move on!  But He tells me to not be ashamed of my exhaustion.  To let Him take charge, because he uses everything for good.  Accept that I am where He intends for me to be.  Much of my weariness results from my constant battle with Satan, and I am letting him win!  I am on the path of His choosing, so I need to be the best at it.  I need to put ALL my hope in Him; not on my abilities, not on my criticisms, not on anything but Him, and I will again praise Him for the help of His presence.

This morning was my weigh day and I am happy to report that I am down another pound.  Even with me adding in two days of strength training, that has not affected the number on my scale.  Tonight I am going to enjoy myself with no worries.  I need to let myself do that once in awhile, if I want to let this be a lifelong journey.

Constant Battle

As I shared with you yesterday, I let my insecurities get the best of me.  My biggest insecurity comes with being a stay at home mom.  Satan attacks me from every angle, telling me that I am a failure, I have no self-worth, I have no motivation, and the list goes on and on.  Oftentimes, I feel like this is what my husband thinks of me.  I am constantly bombarding him with questions, wanting assurance that he is happy with me.  I waste all my energy on this, instead of enjoying the time God has blessed me with at home.  But as I study Gideon today with my fellow ladies, God reminds me that this battle is spiritual warfare, and that I need to begin this battle on my knees.  I have come to realize that I have replaced prayer time with devotional blogging.  Even though blogging has been great for me, this is all head knowledge.  I need my heart to be changed, and the only way I can do that is to go before God and just unload, and let Him heal me.  To rest in His peace and presence, like the pages of this devotional have been telling me to do.  To actually do it, and not blog about it.

Go to Him and rest.  He is ready to bless and restore.  Lift up empty hands of faith to receive His presence.  Light, life, joy and peace flow freely through this gift.  Return to Him; regain His presence.
Matthew 11:28-29; 1 Timothy 2:8

I need to defeat Satan in this spiritual battle that has been ongoing for almost my entire life.  Talking negatively about myself to myself is not the way to live.  It has affected my mood, my husband, my kids and my life.  I need to see myself the way God sees me.  He finds me worthy to do His works.  He wants me to do what He has called me to do because He knows I can.  God's strategies do not make sense sometimes.  Look at me; I have an accounting background, but yet I am scrubbing toilets and wiping runny noses.  But if I am on God's path, His favor, His blessings and His guidance will be dispensed on me.  As Priscilla Shirer puts it, "God finds me worthy to entrust me with kids, to raise them to be warriors for God".  And that is the most important job I can have.

In other news, I am changing my weigh-in day to tomorrow, just for this week.  My husband and I are going out on a date tomorrow night, and I am feeding my body what it wants!  And I do not want to wake up Saturday morning feeling defeated because my scale reflects my horrible decisions from the night before.  A good friend once told me, I choose my weigh day.  I am in control, not my diet (I added this part.  I can't give her all the credit!  Haha).  And I have been meaning to share, but my WII Fit no longer says I am overweight.  My BMI is now in the "normal" zone.  Thought I would never see this day!!

My Command Center

My daughter is 8.  She is going through this stage where everything I ask her to do is followed by a grunt and an attitude.  Last night I had asked her to study for an upcoming test.  Instead of being obedient, she grunted and sat at the kitchen table with an attitude.  She was so annoyed that I asked her to study, that as she annoyingly brushed something off her paper, she knocked over my cup, thus breaking it.  I went off on her!!  Grounded her till she was 17, no electronics, no friends, no nothing.  I had it up to my ears with her.  After awhile, I realized that I had overreacted, apologized to her and we talked through it.  That is how I should have handled it in the first place, but I let my emotions take over.  Even though I let God speak to me about my insecurities yesterday, I never really dealt with them.  Instead, I let more insecurities creep into my mind, therefore letting it affect my state of mind.  God knows my heart.  He knows it is going to take more than one devotional to get through to me. 

Every Wednesday I walk the mall with my friend aka my therapist (haha), and she said something that really stuck to me.  My home is my command center, and I am the CEO (ok I added that part in).  Everything I do or feel affects my home, my kids and my husband.  If I am a mess, so is my household.  I need to make sure things flow around here so that we function well together.  God has placed me here; therefore, He is my boss.  "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward".  And today's devotional solidifies everything I heard and know.

Seek His face, and we will find not only His presence, but His peace.  We must change our controlling stance to one of openness and trust.  Ask His spirit to control our thoughts, for the mind controlled by the spirit is life and peace.  We can have much of Him and His peace as we want, through thousands of correct choices each day.  The most persistent choice is whether to trust Him or worry.  We will never run out of things to worry about (AMEN to that).  He is our ever-present help in trouble.
Romans 8:6; Psalm 46:1-2

Thankfulness And Trust

The Gideon study I am doing focuses on our weaknesses, and how they are the key to unlocking God's strength.  I have to say that my biggest weakness is my thoughts.  I am my own worst critic.  I am constantly over-analyzing, constantly focusing on the negative aspects of myself and my life, and allowing all that to question God's plan for me.  When I first started blogging, God gave me peace amidst the battle that was going on in my mind.  Everything I thought about myself and my life, God erased from my heart, and reassured me that I am where I am suppose to be.  I hoped that I was turning over a new leaf, but recently my insecurities have come back to taunt me.  I cannot allow myself to become the old me, but it is so easy to slip back into those old habits you have lived with for so long.  I cannot control my thoughts.  I need God to control them for me.  And this is what He says to me.

Bring Him all my weaknesses, and receive His peace.  Accept myself and my circumstances for what they are, remembering that He is sovereign over everything.  Do not wear myself out with analyzing and planning.  Instead, let thankfulness and trust be my guides.  I will cease to notice how weak I am because I will be focusing on Him.  Continue this intimate journey, trusting that the path I am following is headed for heaven.
Psalm 29:11; Numbers 6:24-26; Psalm 13:5

I need to accept myself for who I am, a bride of Christ.  I need to remember that anything that is not of God is from Satan.  All my insecurities are Satan's tools to stop me from accomplishing God's works.  I need to keep my focus on God, and allow Him to heal me, to change me.  I cannot rely on my own strength, but on God's alone.  I know that if I keep seeking Him with my whole heart, He will direct my path.  And if I am on the path He has led me to, I do not need to second guess.  I need to let thankfulness and trust be my guides.

Mind Over Matter

Yesterday was a pretty hectic day for me, and I did not get a chance to read or blog on yesterday's devotional.  But sitting here, catching up on my devotional, I was meant to read it today.  For the past three weeks, I have been very conscious about what I put in my mouth, and accounting for everything that I eat.  Last night we attended a superbowl party, and I ate everything that the party offered, going back for seconds, even thirds.  I was becoming the old me, allowing my eyes to dictate what and how much to eat.  I woke up this morning regretting my indulgence.  Not only did I feel guilty, but my body was telling me that I overdid it.  I felt defeated.  I felt like all my hard work was going right down the drain.  But as I read yesterday's devotional, this is what God is doing for me.

God is renewing my mind.  When my thoughts flow freely, they tend to move toward problems.  My focus gets snagged on a given problem.  My energy is drained away from other matters through this negative focus.  Worst of all, I lose sight of Him.  A renewed mind is presence-focused.  Train my mind to seek Him in every moment, every situation.  Seek His face, speak to Him, and He will light up my mind.
Romans 12:2; Psalm 105:4

I needed God to step in and change the way I was thinking.  Satan can easily brain wash me.  I am such an easy prey.  But feelings of defeat should make me depend on God's strength even more.  I know that I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me.  If I keep believing Satan's lies, I will ultimately fail.

Today's devotional is about God being with us and for us.  We face nothing alone.  When we feel anxious that is because we are focusing on the visible world.  Fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  He will get us through this day.
Romans 8:31; 2 Corinthians 4:18; Genesis 16:13-14

When I am going through a circumstance, it is so easy to become anxious.  I see what is before me, and I cannot escape it.  But I am not to focus on what is seen, but what is unseen.  The seen is the circumstance before me.  The unseen is what God is doing through that circumstance.  I never know why I go through something until I come out of it.  Then I have the a-ha moment when God reveals to me why I went through that circumstance.  I do not enjoy going through a tough time, but I am grateful that God allowed me to go through it.  I do not regret any of the valleys God has led me through.  I would go through them again, knowing what the outcome brings.

Walk By Faith, Not By Sight

Currently my husband and I are climbing a spiritual mountain.  We began a few weeks ago, but we are still a long ways from reaching the mountain peaks.  There are some days where I feel like God needs to rescue us before we crumble under the pressure, but today's devotional spoke to me.

Follow Him one step at a time.  That is all that is required of us.  We see huge mountains looming, and we start wondering how we are going to scale those heights.  Meanwhile we stumble on the easy path He is leading us through now, because we are not paying attention.  We tell Him how worried we are about the cliffs ahead, but we do not know what is going to happen today.  Our paths may take an abrupt turn, leading us away from the mountains.  If He does lead us up the cliffs, He will equip us for the climb.  Keep our mind on the present journey.  Walk by faith, not by sight.

Psalm 18:29; Psalm 91:11-12; 2 Corinthians :7

God wants me to walk by faith, not by sight.  I do not need to take control, but to let Him take me where He wants me to go.  As I have learned in the past, climbing mountains is for my benefit and He will help me through it.  All He requires of me is my obedience; not my strength, not my skills nor my brains.  Remember, God either orchestrates or allows any and all circumstances.  I never know why God puts me through something until I come out of it and look back.  So instead of worrying, I need to keep my mind on the present journey and not try to be one step ahead of God.  He knows what He is doing, and I should not try and predict the next step.  Just go with His perfect plan.

Today was weigh day.  DOWN 2 LBS!  I am ecstatic that I am doing so well; on the scale, my eating and exercise habits, and mostly my mentality.  However, I do need to stop relying so much on what the scale says.  I know that eventually the scale will either remain the same, or go up, because muscle does weigh more than fat.  I know I still have more weight to lose, but every week I need to see progress for what it is...PROGRESS regardless of what the scale says.

Strength And Shield

So far so good.  Today has started out calm and quiet.  So I am starting my day out with a devotional and here is what it reads:

He is our strength and shield.  He plans out each day for us, and He will provide the strength to take each step of the way.  Instead of wondering what the day will bring, concentrate on staying in touch with Him.  Whenever we start to feel afraid, remember that He is our shield.  He is always alert and active.  Entrust ourselves to His watchcare, which is the best security system.  He is always with us and will watch over us wherever we go.
Psalm 28:7; Matthews 6:34; Psalm 56:3-4; Genesis 28:15

Today I planned on writing my devotional blog, working out, showering and then catching up on my shows.  But I received a phone call in the middle of blogging and ended up being on the phone for over an hour.  I am not complaining.  I am glad I was there for that person.  God's agenda for me is to show the love of Christ with people.  He put me on this earth to do His works, and I am not going to let my agenda interfere with what He has planned for me.

So guess what tomorrow is.  WEIGH DAY!  Every time I say that, I think about that commercial where the camel is walking around the office asking people what tomorrow is, and he says HUMP DAY!  Wish me luck!

False Gods Bring False Security

For the past few days, my nose has been constantly runny and I cannot stop sneezing.  I thought it was allergies until my two boys woke up this morning coughing and sneezing.  So instead of working out during nap, I napped with them.  It felt good to rest my body, but once I woke up the guilt of not having worked out comes to haunt me.  My husband stopped by the house on his route to Valdosta, to let the Atlanta traffic subside.  I took that opportunity to walk around our neighborhood.  I only got 25 minutes in before it got dark, but that was enough to rid the guilt away.  So now it is 8:04 pm and I am just not settling down to read my devotional.

Worship Him only.  Whatever occupies our mind the most becomes our god.  Worries, if indulged, develop into idols.  Anxiety gains a life of its own, infesting our mind.  Break free from this bondage by affirming our trust in Him and refreshing ourselves in His presence.  He reads our thoughts continually, searching for evidence of trust in Him.  Guard our thoughts diligently; good thought-choices will keep us close to Him.

Psalm 112:7; 1 Corinthians 13:11

In this journey I am taking, there are some things I can let Him have.  Finances, for example, is one of them.  Of course there are days when I have anxiety about it, but I know that no matter what it says in our checkbook, He is our sole provider.  I can give gratefully and cheerfully knowing that God will honor our obedience and bless us; not necessarily with money, but in so many other ways.  I have to share that ever since my husband started tithing beyond the 10% we are told to give, he has been home every night without it affecting us financially.  That is the hand of God working in our lives.  

However, exercise is one of those areas that I just cannot let Him have at 100%.  I feel like I need to get a control over it before it controls me.  But it already has a control over me.  I let it dictate my mood and how I feel about myself.  But God tells me to worship Him only.  That the things that occupy my mind becomes my god.  If I do not get a handle on it, I will unconsciously let that become my god.  And as God commands, "you shall have no other gods before me".

In The Midst Of Chaos

Everyday I have an agenda, but the two top priorities are exercise and my daily quiet time.  When my schedule gets too packed and I need to find time to fit those two things in, I get nervous and stressed.  See, if I do not accomplish those two specific tasks, I feel unaccomplished.  Unfortunately my anxiety only gets worse with age.  I cannot just go with the flow anymore!  I cannot just cut myself any slack these days!  Today is a pretty calm day, but with the roads being slick, schools are closed and husband is home.  While I enjoy this time with my family, I find it hard to accomplish my tasks with all the chaos.  I sat down to do my devotional and this is what it says:

Keep our focus on Him.  He has gifted us with amazing freedom, including the ability to choose the focal point of our mind.  Let the goal of our day be to bring every thought captive to Him.  In His radiant light, anxious thoughts shrink and shrivel away.  Confused ideas are untangled while we rest in the simplicity of His peace.  He will guard us and keep us in constant peace, as we focus our mind on Him.
Psalm 8:5; Genesis 1:26-27; 2 Corinthians 10:5; Isaiah 26:3

Ever since breakfast, I have been drawing up a tentative schedule in my mind about what I am going to do, and when I am going to do it.  Things do not go according to plan when all the children are at home.  They want to go outside and play in the snow, they want a snack, they need a drink, they want to play UNO, and so on and so forth.  I do not get a minute of quiet time to sort out all the things that are floating through my brain, begging me to put them in some sort of order.  But any thought I have of myself I need to take captive.  I do not need to feed into Satan's lies about how unmotivated I am.  I do not need to fill up each day with a schedule.  I need to accept today for what it is worth:  God bringing our family together in the midst of the chaos that is still going on in Atlanta.  There are people out there still stuck in traffic; kids still stuck in schools, and I just need to be grateful for all of us being home, safe and warm, and together.

P.S.

I have mentioned in a previous post that I am a planner.  I had a plan for my kids and I today.  After getting Alexa from the bus stop, I planned on bundling them up and taking them outside to play in the fresh snow that was falling.  While waiting for Alexa, my husband calls to inform me that he ran out of fuel in Cumming.  He needed me to grab the gas cans from the shed, fill them up with diesel fuel, and rescue him.  There goes my plans right out the window.  So here I am, spontaneously filling gas cans with fuel and driving to my husband's aid.  When I operate without a plan, I become very irritated and frustrated.  I almost had a meltdown because I could not get the gas cans open!  Now I see why children have tantrums!

The reason for this addition to today's devotional post is because God was with me, staying faithful to His promise.  The roads in my area were not that bad.  However, the closer I got to Cumming, the slicker the roads became.  On my drive back home, I was asking God to protect us and bring us home safely.  Not only was I irritated and frustrated, but I was also hungry.  Not only did I want to eat because I was hungry, but also because I find comfort in food.  I just wanted to drive to the nearest fast food restaurant, and order myself a big fat juicy burger with a side of greasy fries to erase the frustration away.  But God reminds me to not go back to those bad habits. That's what got me here in the first place!  As I learned in the Gideon study; I am a changed person.  I have no business going where I used to go (metaphorically speaking).  So I went straight home, ate some tuna fish, and then I was in the right frame of mind to make myself a healthy dinner.  Praise be to God that He brought us home safely, and that He allowed me to put my comfort in Him and not in food.

I also want to say that God was with my husband as well.  He had an early start to his day.  If he had decided to sleep in, he would be stuck in this mess that is going on all over the Atlanta area; people trying to get home, being stuck in traffic for hours, etc... It's just crazy out there!  Praise be to God that he knows my husband's patience, or lack thereof, and he is home with us and not out there.