Friday, January 31, 2014

Strength And Shield

So far so good.  Today has started out calm and quiet.  So I am starting my day out with a devotional and here is what it reads:

He is our strength and shield.  He plans out each day for us, and He will provide the strength to take each step of the way.  Instead of wondering what the day will bring, concentrate on staying in touch with Him.  Whenever we start to feel afraid, remember that He is our shield.  He is always alert and active.  Entrust ourselves to His watchcare, which is the best security system.  He is always with us and will watch over us wherever we go.
Psalm 28:7; Matthews 6:34; Psalm 56:3-4; Genesis 28:15

Today I planned on writing my devotional blog, working out, showering and then catching up on my shows.  But I received a phone call in the middle of blogging and ended up being on the phone for over an hour.  I am not complaining.  I am glad I was there for that person.  God's agenda for me is to show the love of Christ with people.  He put me on this earth to do His works, and I am not going to let my agenda interfere with what He has planned for me.

So guess what tomorrow is.  WEIGH DAY!  Every time I say that, I think about that commercial where the camel is walking around the office asking people what tomorrow is, and he says HUMP DAY!  Wish me luck!


Thursday, January 30, 2014

False Gods Bring False Security

For the past few days, my nose has been constantly runny and I cannot stop sneezing.  I thought it was allergies until my two boys woke up this morning coughing and sneezing.  So instead of working out during nap, I napped with them.  It felt good to rest my body, but once I woke up the guilt of not having worked out comes to haunt me.  My husband stopped by the house on his route to Valdosta, to let the Atlanta traffic subside.  I took that opportunity to walk around our neighborhood.  I only got 25 minutes in before it got dark, but that was enough to rid the guilt away.  So now it is 8:04 pm and I am just not settling down to read my devotional.

Worship Him only.  Whatever occupies our mind the most becomes our god.  Worries, if indulged, develop into idols.  Anxiety gains a life of its own, infesting our mind.  Break free from this bondage by affirming our trust in Him and refreshing ourselves in His presence.  He reads our thoughts continually, searching for evidence of trust in Him.  Guard our thoughts diligently; good thought-choices will keep us close to Him.
Psalm 112:7; 1 Corinthians 13:11

In this journey I am taking, there are some things I can let Him have.  Finances, for example, is one of them.  Of course there are days when I have anxiety about it, but I know that no matter what it says in our checkbook, He is our sole provider.  I can give gratefully and cheerfully knowing that God will honor our obedience and bless us; not necessarily with money, but in so many other ways.  I have to share that ever since my husband started tithing beyond the 10% we are told to give, he has been home every night without it affecting us financially.  That is the hand of God working in our lives.  

However, exercise is one of those areas that I just cannot let Him have at 100%.  I feel like I need to get a control over it before it controls me.  But it already has a control over me.  I let it dictate my mood and how I feel about myself.  But God tells me to worship Him only.  That the things that occupy my mind becomes my god.  If I do not get a handle on it, I will unconsciously let that become my god.  And as God commands, "you shall have no other gods before me".

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

In The Midst Of Chaos

Everyday I have an agenda, but the two top priorities are exercise and my daily quiet time.  When my schedule gets too packed and I need to find time to fit those two things in, I get nervous and stressed.  See, if I do not accomplish those two specific tasks, I feel unaccomplished.  Unfortunately my anxiety only gets worse with age.  I cannot just go with the flow anymore!  I cannot just cut myself any slack these days!  Today is a pretty calm day, but with the roads being slick, schools are closed and husband is home.  While I enjoy this time with my family, I find it hard to accomplish my tasks with all the chaos.  I sat down to do my devotional and this is what it says:

Keep our focus on Him.  He has gifted us with amazing freedom, including the ability to choose the focal point of our mind.  Let the goal of our day be to bring every thought captive to Him.  In His radiant light, anxious thoughts shrink and shrivel away.  Confused ideas are untangled while we rest in the simplicity of His peace.  He will guard us and keep us in constant peace, as we focus our mind on Him.
Psalm 8:5; Genesis 1:26-27; 2 Corinthians 10:5; Isaiah 26:3

Ever since breakfast, I have been drawing up a tentative schedule in my mind about what I am going to do, and when I am going to do it.  Things do not go according to plan when all the children are at home.  They want to go outside and play in the snow, they want a snack, they need a drink, they want to play UNO, and so on and so forth.  I do not get a minute of quiet time to sort out all the things that are floating through my brain, begging me to put them in some sort of order.  But any thought I have of myself I need to take captive.  I do not need to feed into Satan's lies about how unmotivated I am.  I do not need to fill up each day with a schedule.  I need to accept today for what it is worth:  God bringing our family together in the midst of the chaos that is still going on in Atlanta.  There are people out there still stuck in traffic; kids still stuck in schools, and I just need to be grateful for all of us being home, safe and warm, and together.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

P.S.

I have mentioned in a previous post that I am a planner.  I had a plan for my kids and I today.  After getting Alexa from the bus stop, I planned on bundling them up and taking them outside to play in the fresh snow that was falling.  While waiting for Alexa, my husband calls to inform me that he ran out of fuel in Cumming.  He needed me to grab the gas cans from the shed, fill them up with diesel fuel, and rescue him.  There goes my plans right out the window.  So here I am, spontaneously filling gas cans with fuel and driving to my husband's aid.  When I operate without a plan, I become very irritated and frustrated.  I almost had a meltdown because I could not get the gas cans open!  Now I see why children have tantrums!

The reason for this addition to today's devotional post is because God was with me, staying faithful to His promise.  The roads in my area were not that bad.  However, the closer I got to Cumming, the slicker the roads became.  On my drive back home, I was asking God to protect us and bring us home safely.  Not only was I irritated and frustrated, but I was also hungry.  Not only did I want to eat because I was hungry, but also because I find comfort in food.  I just wanted to drive to the nearest fast food restaurant, and order myself a big fat juicy burger with a side of greasy fries to erase the frustration away.  But God reminds me to not go back to those bad habits. That's what got me here in the first place!  As I learned in the Gideon study; I am a changed person.  I have no business going where I used to go (metaphorically speaking).  So I went straight home, ate some tuna fish, and then I was in the right frame of mind to make myself a healthy dinner.  Praise be to God that He brought us home safely, and that He allowed me to put my comfort in Him and not in food.

I also want to say that God was with my husband as well.  He had an early start to his day.  If he had decided to sleep in, he would be stuck in this mess that is going on all over the Atlanta area; people trying to get home, being stuck in traffic for hours, etc... It's just crazy out there!  Praise be to God that he knows my husband's patience, or lack thereof, and he is home with us and not out there. 

More Is Less And Less Is More

God is always with us.  Most Christians accept this teaching as truth but ignore it in their daily living.  When His presence is the focal point of our consciousness, all the pieces of our lives fall into place.  The fact that He is with us makes every moment of our lives meaningful.
Matthew 28:20; Psalm 139:1-4

Today's devotional relates to today's Gideon study.  It states in the study that more is not always good.  God strips us of things because sometimes all that "extra" begins to water down the potency of what should matter most in our lives and characters. 

In my life God has stripped me of my job and my family.  I had a promising career and I was very ambitious.  Now there is nothing wrong with having ambition, but my ambitions had priority over everything else in my life.  I was not a Christian at the time, so God was not even at the forefront of my mind.  But with ambition out of the picture, God gave me the time to seek and find Him.  My sister and I are very close.  We do everything together.  I did not need or want anyone else.  But with my sister living several states away, God has forced me to lean on other people.  Now I have the best set of friends a girl can ask for.  They show me what unconditional friendship really means.  God knows what is best for me better than what I think is best.  He will strip me of things, but He will never forsake me.  He is always there, and He is all I need.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Trust + Humility Go Hand In Hand

TRUST is a golden pathway to Heaven.  When we walk on this path, we live above our circumstances.  His glorious light shines more brightly on those who follow this path of life.  Relying on our own understanding will weigh us down.  Trust in Him absolutely, and He will make our paths straight.
John 14:1-2; Proverbs 3:5-6

My husband is self-employed.  His occupation is a truck driver, but He drives for himself.  He has been contracted with a broker for a little over a year now.  However, he is in the process of making his business an LLC, and branching off on his own.  While I am excited about this transition, I am also nervous at the same time.  Today's devotional reminds me that if it is God's will, that He will make my path straight, as long as I follow Him.  I just have to give it all to Him, and let Him direct my path.  Trying to make sense of it all, and relying on my own understanding will only burden me. 

Prior to blogging about today's devotional, I did today's lesson on the Gideon study.  The lesson was on how pride forgets and humility remembers.  That phrase hit me hard.  God has put my husband and I through a financial roller coaster; one that eventually separated our family for 14 months.  God delivered us out of our financial ruin, and if we do not live in humility day after day, it is so easy to take credit for what God has delivered us from.  Trusting Him and living in humility is called obedience.  We need to live in humility so that we do not ever forget what God has delivered us from; and we can live life trusting God with confidence, knowing that He can and will deliver us again.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

What's Your Journey Say About You?

I have mentioned in a previous post that once I became a Christian, I thought my life would be easy breezy, lemon squeezy (as my kids put it).  How wrong was I! 

Give up the illusion that we deserve a problem-free life.  We hunger for the resolution of all difficulties.  This is a false hope!  As Jesus told His disciples, "in this world you will have trouble".  We should not put our hope in problem solving but to the promise of an eternity of problem-free life in heaven.  Instead of seeking perfection in this fallen world, we need to put our energy into seeking Him.  When things go wrong, trust Him.  He is less interested in right circumstances than in right responses to whatever comes our way.
John 16:33; Psalm 112:4, 7

How often do I think "it would be easier if only ...".  How much energy do I waste wishing some things were not the way they were.  Reality is, it is the way it is and there is nothing I can do to change it.  God has dealt me these cards for a reason.  And as Miley Cyrus puts it (OMG I CANNOT believe I am actually going to quote one of her songs), it's not about what's on the other side, it's about the climb.  There's lots to be learned from a journey to get to where you want to be.  God has taught me many lessons through my many journeys.  The end result is just a blessing from God; Him honoring my obedience to take the journey with Him.  And as I learned in our Life Group today, I do not need to seek perfection based on the world's standards, but by God's standards. 

After church today we went and had lunch at McDonald's.  I have learned through calorie counting that you can make good choices even at fast food restaurants.  I had a ranch BLT grilled chicken sandwich, minus the ranch, and a side salad with lite balsamic vinegarette dressing on the side.  So my entire meal equaled 460 calories.  I have not consumed diet drinks nor artificial sweetener for the past two weeks.  I am giving my body a break this weekend because I somehow hurt my upper right thigh, and it hurts to even walk.  But I am not beating myself up for giving myself a break, like I normally would, and I will start fresh with new workouts tomorrow.  I have learned that beating myself up about eating that one slice of cake I shouldn't have had, or missing one day of working out, only hurts my progress.  So I am cutting myself some slack!

Saturday, January 25, 2014

A Different Perspective

Today has been a busy day filled with a birthday party, a lunch date and dinner with friends.  We arrived home a little before 8, put the kids to bed and then I got ready for bed.  All I want to do right now is curl up next to my husband and just drift away to la la land.  However, I made a commitment to spend daily time with the Lord and blog about anything He is putting in my heart.  So I grabbed my devotional, and my laptop, and sat on the bed.  I told myself after this blog post, I am going straight to bed.  But here is what the Lord says to me through today's devotional.

Sit still in the light of His presence.  These quiet moments with Him transcend time, accomplishing far more than we can imagine.  Bring Him the sacrifice of our time, and watch how abundantly He blesses us and our loved ones.  Through the intimacy of our relationship, we are being transformed from the inside out.  He forms us into the one He desires us to be.  Do not resist nor try to speed up the process.  Hold His hand in childlike trust, and the way will open up step by step.
Hebrews 13:15; 2 Corinthians 3:18; Psalm 73:23-24

When I lifted my devotional off the kitchen counter, there sat the Gideon study.  For a brief moment I contemplated on starting day 1 of week 4 in the study.  But I thought to myself, I am way too tired for this.  I am just going to do my devotional and go to sleep.  However, these quiet moments do accomplish far more than an extra 30 minutes of sleep.  I have to make sacrifices, just as God made the ultimate sacrifice for me.  He wants to transform me starting from the inside, and I need to let Him.  But the awesome thing about His transformation is that if I do mess up, He will redeem me.  Yesterday was a bad day for me.  It seems like whenever I try to start the day off with God's word, Satan works double time.  Well anyway, I did not have such a great day like I thought I would, since I started my day off with God's word.  I had such a bad attitude towards my husband for no reason whatsoever!  I am not excusing my behavior, but I am human.  I make mistakes, but the good news is, God forgives and redeems.

Today was my weigh-in day.  I am down a pound, and that makes 5 pounds total.  I am not particularly excited about losing only one pound, but I kind of expected it.  I do not have a whole lot to lose, so I knew from the beginning that it was not going to be easy.  However, a loss is a loss.  I have to be grateful for every ounce lost, or else I will be discouraged and give up.  I just have to look forward, and keep on going.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Bought With A Price

I thought I would start my day off with a devotional to carry me throughout today.  God's peace is the treasure of all treasures.  It is a rather costly gift, for both the giver and the receiver.  God purchased this peace with His blood.  We are to receive this gift by trusting Him in the midst of life's storms.  If we had the world's peace, we would not seek His peace.  Thank Him when things do not go our way, because spiritual blessings come wrapped in trials.  Rejoice in the face of hardship, for He has overcome the world.
Matthew 13:46; James 1:2; John 16:33

When I gave my life to the Lord, I thought I had a set of rules to follow.  If I broke any of these rules, God would punish me through trials.  Over the past few years, I have come to realize that a relationship with God is not about following rules, but having an intimate relationship with Him.  Salvation is not on our own works, so we cannot boast, but we are saved through grace and mercy.  The goal of my salvation is to be changed by God, and to live a Christlike life.  I am human; I will never be perfect, but I am to imitate God's behavior.  God deepens my relationship with Him through trials.  Without trials, I would never know my need for God.  Through trials, lives are changed and hearts are broken.  Without this process, I would never humble myself and recognize God as the Lord in my life.  I love the lyrics to Jesus Bring the Rain by Mercy Me.  I want joy, and I want peace, but there are days when life brings me pain, and if that is what it takes to praise Him, then Jesus bring the rain.

I look forward to Saturdays for many different reasons, but the one big reason is because it's WEIGH DAY!!  I am very excited to see how much weight I have lost this week.  I am not going to get my hopes up and expect another big week, but I am confident that I am going to be in the 120's again.  I have not seen 1-2 since Chandler was born.  I had my in-laws over last night for dinner, and my mother-in-law did comment on how skinny my face looked and what I have been doing.  So obviously counting calories has been working.  WHY OH WHY HAVE I NOT DONE THIS YEARS AGO!!

Thursday, January 23, 2014

What's Your "300"?

Every Thursday morning I attend a ladies bible study at Church.  We first meet as a big group, then break off into our individual classes.  Within our individual classes, we then break into small groups.  Within our small group, there are a lot of women who are transparent, and I am grateful for that.  For those of you who know me, I tend to be very selective in what I share and whom I share with.  However, today I said more than I usually would.  God brings us through trials for many different reasons.  One of those reasons is so that we can relate and have compassion for those going through the same trials.  Through each trial, we come out a different person.  Our hearts are changed more and more by God. 

Today's devotional touches on the fact that as we live in close contact with God, the light of His presence filters through us to bless others.  Our weakness and woundedness are the openings through which the light of the knowledge of His glory shines forth.  His strength and power show themselves most effective in our weakness.
Deuteronomy 31:6; 1 Peter 3:4; 2 Corinthians 4:6-7; 2 Corinthians 12:9

This season of bible study, I have chosen to study Gideon.  As you may know, Gideon defeated the Midianites with 300 men in his army, while the Midianites had over 100,000.  Gideon's army originally had 66,000 men, but God reduced it to 300 because God 1) did not want Gideon to boast about the victory and 2) showed him nothing is impossible with Him.  When God asks us to perform a task, we think we need this or that to complete it.  But God doesn't want us to boast about what WE have accomplished, but what God has done through us.  He will reduce us to our "300", and when we are feeling outnumbered or in over our heads, that is when we are ready.  If you feel weak in achieving anything God has given to you, do not feel defeated.  Weakness is the key to unlocking God's strength.  He will deliver us with our "300".  He does not ask us to do the hard stuff, but the impossible.

Another important lesson that hit me hard today is about being a changed person, and only growing from there.  God has started a good work in me, and wants to complete it, but I keep going backwards.  This year is all about moving forward, and not looking back.  Two key things: environment matters and posture is everything.  I need to place myself in the right environment to stay straight.  I have no business going where I used to go.  And how I start at the beginning has every bearing on how it is going to finish in the end.  I am so afraid that I will start slipping downhill, and this year will be another year of yo-yo dieting and a so-so relationship with God.  But in this weakness, I can find God's strength.  In order to be successful at anything, I cannot rely on my own strength, but on God's.

Nothing new to report on my road to healthville.  I am still counting my calories and exercising daily.  However, I am having a hard time eating 1200 calories net.  I find myself eating less during the day so I do not go over.  But then it's 7:00 and I still have 300 calories left to eat.  However, I do not want to fill myself up with junk at that hour.  So I just do not fulfill my 1200 calories.  I know that is horrible for my metabolism, and weight loss progress, but I am trying to be better at consuming most of my calories during the day.  It's a learning process, but I am getting better and better at it.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Anxiety, Be Gone!

I am a planner.  Anything I do, I have a plan to back it up.  I cannot do anything spontaneously because that causes anxiety.  I need to have a course of action...that's how I roll!  This morning I planned on exercising after dropping the kids off at school, like I normally do, but spontaneously went to a friend's house instead.  I had a great time, but on my way back to preschool, not having accomplished my morning workout consumes my thoughts.  I made it a priority to work out as soon as I got home.  But when I picked Chandler up, he tells me that he got in trouble for talking AGAIN.  I had decided that I was going to drop everything and have a talk with him once we got home.  At home we talked about his behavior at school, and I told him he needed to start taking naps again.  Kicking and screaming I laid him down on my bed with his blanket.  He asked me to lay with him, and despite my work out clothes screaming for attention, I did.  All the while the anxiety keeps on building.  Once I got him settled, I left the room and opened up my devotional and here is what I read.

We are to strive to trust Him in more and more areas of our lives.  Anything that tends to make us anxious is a growth opportunity.  Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them.  If we believe that He is sovereign in every aspect of our lives, then we are to trust Him.  Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been.  Start at the present moment, accepting things exactly as they are.  Trust is like a staff; it will bear as much of our weight as needed.  Lean on, trust and be confident in Him.
Psalm 52:8; Proverbs 3:5-6

Once I crept out of the room, I did not know what to tackle first.  But then I was reminded of a quote I had read earlier today that said "God cares much more about my heart than what I accomplish on my to-do list".  So here I am, sitting on my couch with my devotional open and my fingers ready to type.  I thought I had given over my struggle with weight to God, but apparently I still have a couple of fingers still gripping, not ready to totally let go.  I struggle over not having done my workout in the morning, then trying to fit it in during nap when I know I have other things to do, and knowing I wouldn't be able to fit it in once Alexa got home from school.  I have a lot of anxiety when I feel like I have no control over something I should have control over.  Not only that, but when I do not get my workout in, I feel unaccomplished.  But laying there with Chandler, as he fights sleep, I realize that accomplishments do not come in size 2 pants.  They come in a form of a loving mother who is willing to drop anything to lay with her son, who by the way is upset about not being able to go to the "treasure box" because of his talking.  Accomplishments are about being a good steward of the things God has entrusted to me.  Anything that creates anxiety in me should be a learning opportunity to just let go.  To have freedom over it.  Start at the present because I can't change the past.  And to lean on the staff, so I don't bear all the weight.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Mysterious, Isn't He?

My children received gift cards in the mail today from their grandparents, so Jeremy and I loaded up the boys, picked up Alexa from the bus stop and headed to Walmart to allow them to pick out one toy each, and Jeremy and I got a few things we needed (the kids owe us, right?!). I was in a bit of a rush because Alexa has gymnastics tonight and I knew I had to get home, cook dinner, get everyone fed, and rush off to gymnastics.  But my husband and kids had another agenda.  They cruised around Walmart without a care in the world, while I was constantly checking my phone for the time.  By the time we got home, I was in a rush to get dinner fixed, have everyone fed, and send Jeremy off to gymnastics.  I had decided that He, not I, would take Alexa and Chandler (he likes to go and play with his friend), so I could eat dinner and blog in peace.  So here I am, at my kitchen table, eating this delicious seafood stuffed salmon fillet, which only has 420 calories, and sharing with you what God has laid on my heart today.  I have to describe what took place at Walmart, and when I arrived back home, as chaotic!  As I opened up my devotional tonight, I thought how fitting would it be if God spoke on "if your day does not go your way", but He did not.  Instead, He spoke on wanting me to depend solely on Him.

He wants us to be ALL His.  He wants to wean us from other dependencies.  Our security should rest in Him alone, not on other people or circumstances.  Depending on Him may feel like a tightrope, but there is a safety net underneath: His everlasting arms.  So do not be afraid of falling.  Instead, look ahead to Him.  Nothing in all creation can separate us from His loving presence.
Deuteronomy 33:27; Romans 8:39

Before I sat down with my dinner to blog, I looked over our budget first.  My husband has committed this year to tithe beyond the 10% we normally give.  That is a big commitment, and I am proud of my husband's obedience.  However, when looking at our budget it worries me.  I rest my security on the numbers on our bank account, and not on what God can do through us tithing beyond what we are told to give.  God reminds me that He wants ALL of me.  He does not want me to depend on our bank account.  And yes, depending solely on Him does feel like I am walking on a tightrope, but He is our safety net, not our money.  He will honor our obedience, and I put my security in Him.

I bet you are asking why I titled my post today Mysterious, Isn't He?  Well like I said, I had a hectic late afternoon.   I thought for sure that with how my day ended, that God would speak to me about that.  However, He went in a totally different direction.  And as I have mentioned in a previous post, I read my devotionals at different times of the day.  And no matter what time I read them, it always seems to be at the most perfect time.  Well, I had a reason for looking at our budget tonight.  And if I hadn't, or I read this devotional earlier, this post would have gone a totally different direction.  But everything is on His perfect time, and not mine.  And He is here to teach me, to redirect me and to change my heart.  So yes He is mysterious, but loving and compassionate as well.

In other news, I have to say I am very proud of myself.  Not only am I still exercising everyday, and counting my calories, but I have tremendous willpower.  At our MOPS meeting today, I stared at all the mouth-watering casseroles, and settled on some fruit and some sausage balls.  I even brought a protein bar just in case there was nothing for me.  I feel so refreshed and so healthy.  I know I could not have done all this by myself.  I know that I had to give it to God so that I could enlist His help.  My husband has been very supportive as well.  I know this past Sunday at lunch I was tempted to have a cheat day, but my husband said it is not even worth it, and He was right.  I am an all or nothing kind of girl, so I know that one cheat day could have a domino effect, and my husband knows me all too well.  When I say I am going on a diet, it does not last long, but I do want health and wellness to be a part of my life, and I need to stay focused and committed in order to achieve that.

Monday, January 20, 2014

An Ordinary Day

Today is MLK day, and the kids are off from school.  It's not your typical day, filled with things to do and not enough time to do it.  No, today is just an ordinary day.  I welcome the break from the chaos, but sometimes I long to have something to do.  So instead of enjoying this break, I accepted an invitation to get out.  As I was checking off the things I needed to do before I left the house, such as exercising, making homemade playdough (for Chandler's class), and doing my bible study, I began to realize that I was creating chaos on a non-chaotic day.  So I made the decision to just stay home.  As I was doing my bible study, I came across this:

'God often comes to us in our "boring" days, veiled in the most ordinary of circumstances.  In fact, "ordinary" is often the disguise of his divine.  If we are constantly anticipating a grandiose event to accompany the times when we encounter Him or hear His voice, we will miss out on many intimate moments in our relationship with God.  The mundane, the routine, the commonplace-these are often the contexts in which He will reveal Himself to humanity'

Then I read today's devotional and it just adds onto the paragraph above.  It talks about making plans for your day.  We need to remember that God orchestrates the events of our lives.  On days when our plans are thwarted, be on the lookout for Him.  He maybe doing something important in your life.  We need to be in constant communication with Him, accepting that His ways are better than ours.  Don't try to figure out what is happening.  Just simply trust and thank Him in advance for the good that will come out of it.
Isaiah 55:9-11; Jeremiah 29:11

Whoa!  Totally needed that today!  This morning I had a plan!  Then I realized I possibly could not do it all, and still get out of the house at a decent hour, so I made the decision not to go out.  And here I am, sitting outside on this beautiful day, spending time with the Lord and watching my children play on the trampoline; all the while thanking God for the slowness I needed to experience today.  Everyday does not have to be a rush rush.  I need to slow down once in awhile and enjoy the blessings of God.  Today's blessings are to be able to stay home and be with my kids, to have 3 beautiful, healthy kids, to have food to eat and a bible to read.  If I had decided to leave the house, I would've rushed through my time with the Lord.  But the Lord knows what I needed today, and He provided, through the most ordinary of circumstances.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Expectations

What does God expect of us?  Are His expectations high?  Are they unattainable?  The answer my preacher gave today is the same answer that is written in today's devotional...to worship Him, to seek His face. He is the goal of all of our searching.  When you seek Him, you will find Him, and then you will be satisfied.  When other things capture our attention, He slowly fades into the background.  He is still there however, just watching and waiting for you to seek Him again.  Let nothing dampen our search for Him.
Psalm 27:8; Philippians 4:7, Jeremiah 29:13

God really convicted me today during the sermon.  I like involving myself in everything our Church offers because I feel like I am doing the right thing.  By getting involved, I can somehow win God's favor right?!  But God reminds me that true worship is not about "doing" Church, but about loving God.  I need that reminder on a daily basis.  I need to be reminded of that when I am going to ladies bible study to see friends or make new friends.  Now there is nothing wrong with that, but it's not a social convention; it's a group of women there to worship and adore God.  I need to be reminded of that when I feel a song move me, and I want to raise my hands in worship, but too self-conscious to do it; I should be there to worship Him at all costs.  I need to be reminded of that when I am taking notes in my journal during the sermon, and my OCD self does not allow me to continue onto a fresh page just for a sentence or two; God is teaching me life lessons and I need to get them ALL down.  See, worship of self and worship of the Savior cannot co-exist.  I need to get over myself to truly worship Him.

This morning my husband got up unusually early and watched Charles Stanley preach on tv.  He preached on forgiveness.  He used himself as an example.  He said throughout his life, his mother's job took the majority of her time.  As a baby, he went to daycare, and then eventually had a maid.  During his critical years, his maid was there for Him.  He went on to say that she saved his life; not physically, but emotionally and mentally.  I listened to the whole sermon while cooking breakfast for the family.  I felt convicted...all this time I worried about not financially contributing, not having a job, not having purpose in my life.  Then to hear the great Charles Stanley say that he wished his mother was there for Him; how he felt so alone during those times, really hit me hard.  I never want my children to feel that way.  Then today's devotional really solidified what God was saying to me this morning.  God's nature is to bless.  My nature is to receive with thanksgiving.  Glorify Him by receiving His blessings gratefully.  I will glorify God by receiving His blessings with gratitude, and not wasting it with worries.  To live each day to the best of my ability.

When I started my weight loss journey, my weigh-in day was going to be Mondays.  However, I got impatient and changed the weigh-in days to Saturday.  The result...DOWN 4 LBS!!  BOO YAH!!  I now officially weigh 130, and what's even cooler about that number is that for once in my life, I weigh less than my sister!!!  BAM!!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Trials Are Inevitable

I have learned that you cannot escape trials.  Every trial in life is either God orchestrated or God allowed.  But what we must all remember is that God is with us through those trials; He will never forsake us, and will see us through to the end.

Today's devotional is about God leading us along the high road, but there are descents as well as ascents along the way.  In the distance, we see the snow-covered peaks, and our longing to reach those peaks is good, but we must not take shortcuts.  God instructs us to follow Him, allowing Him to direct our path.  We need to learn to trust Him when things go wrong.  Disruptions highlight our dependence on Him.  Trusting acceptance of trials brings blessings that far outweigh them all.  He has lovingly planned every inch of our way.  We need to trust when the path becomes rocky and steep.  He reminds us that we will make it to the end together.
John 21:19; 2 Corinthians 4:17; Habakkuk 3:19

God has seen me through some major trials, but the one that always stands out in my mind is the time we were financially struggling, which led to Jeremy going down a different career path.  This new endeavor moved me and my then two children, to CT to live with my parents, while Jeremy lived a life as a truckdriver, exploring all 48 states.  During those 14 months, we only saw Jeremy a handful of times.  I never understood then why God has allowed the financial struggle, or the 14 months of our family being apart, but looking back, that trial brought more blessings that far outweighed the circumstance.  I do not wish that on anyone, but I am grateful to God for doing what was best for our family.  Our marriage is stronger than it has ever been, Jeremy is the best father He can ever be, and we never take for granted the time we have together.  If you are going through a trial right now, just remember that God has your best interest in mind.  He is not here to punish, but to love and redirect.

To update on my last night's adventure, I am happy to report that I did extremely well!  I resisted the chips and salsa, ate grilled chicken and shrimp (minus the smothered cheese that is oh so good) with some lettuce and avocado, and half of my refried beans (which I substituted for rice).  Then afterwards, we went to a coffee shop where I had a skinny latte with almond milk (which I just found out has fewer calories than nonfat milk), and passed on the AMAZING (as my friends put it) chocolate cake.  I am dedicated folks, but I pray that I continue on this path.  I am known to be such a yo yo dieter, but I want to put an end to that right now.  What this week has taught me is that as long as I seek the Kingdom of God first, everything else will follow.  I just have to let God help me in this struggle of self-image, and I will overcome this obstacle.

Friday, January 17, 2014

A Thankful Heart

I read my devotional at different times of the day, depending on what the day unfolds.  But God works in mysterious ways, and oftentimes, when I read the day's devotional, I feel like I couldn't have read it at the most perfect time.

Today's devotional is about going to God with a thankful heart.  To rejoice in today, refusing to worry about tomorrow.  Anticipate abundant blessings and accept difficulties as they come.  Go to Him with ALL your needs, knowing that His glorious riches are more than an adequate supply.  Stay in continual communication with Him so that you can live above your circumstances, even while you are in the midst of them.  Present all your requests to Him with thanksgiving, and he will provide you with His peace, which surpasses all understanding.
Psalm 118:24; Philippians 4:19, 6-7

I have a hard time accepting difficulties.  God has shown me, through several circumstances, that He does work things for our good, even tough times.  However, when you are going through those tough times, you wonder how in the world can God turn this into good. But He reminds me to have a thankful heart.  To always go to Him with thanksgiving because no matter how bad I have it, I have much more to be thankful for.  I am not to overlook my blessings from God.  Nobody said the grass is greener on the other side.  Nobody said that once I give my life to the Lord, that I will have it all.  I feel like my circumstances have become more frequent as a Christian.  But I must depend on the Lord, and have daily communion with Him, so that I can live above those circumstances.  I would rather go through these times with Him, than without.

In other news, I am going out for Mexican, and then coffee and dessert afterwards with some friends tonight, and I have already planned out what I am going to have.  That way, I do not order by the aroma lingering through the restaurant.  I can get in BIG trouble for doing that!  Play it smart, or don't play at all ;)

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Seek and You Shall Find

A couple of nights ago while I was laying in bed, this verse came to me; Matthew 6:33, "But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  My one major goal I want to accomplish this year is to seek His Kingdom first, above all else.  Every year I have wanted to lose weight and be healthier, but I do not want that to be my first chase.  My first chase is God, and He will make everything else fall into place.  He reminds me that I can do all things through Him, who strengthens me.

Today's devotional is about resting in God's presence.  That no matter what troubles lie ahead, that we need to relax in His presence.  He will strengthen us to prepare for these times, transforming our fear into confident trust.
Matthew 11:28-30; Joshua 1:5, 9

Today's devotional relates to the Gideon study I did today.  As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I have the tendency to want to fix our problems as quickly and as painlessly as possible.  But as I have learned in today's Gideon study, God either orchestrates or allows every circumstance, but He uses it for our good.  God is more interested in changing our heart, than changing our circumstance.  As I have learned in the past, God does work, even through circumstances where you think He is absent.  I have numerous testimonies where God has used a circumstance to my benefit.  Our relationship with God is all about the heart; about letting God work through us.  It's dying to oneself, not looking inward, but outward and upward to Heaven.  I have heard that the Word is ON our heart, until we allow God to break our heart, to allow His Word IN our heart.  That is what I want to strive for.

In other news, I am very proud of myself.  I declined a lunch invitation after bible study to rush home to do a HIIT workout before rushing back to Church to pick up my son from preschool.  Now THAT'S what I call dedication!!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Journey of a Lifetime

Like I said last night, 2014 is my year.  My year to finally stop making excuses, and to start living life again.  I am embarking on a journey with God that will change the rest of my life, and I am very anxious and excited about it.  I am excited to see what God has for me, and where this journey will lead me.  I know God has great plans for me, as long as I seek Him daily and keep Him close, which brings me to today's devotional.

Today's devotional is about focusing on God and not on the problems around you.  That if we gaze on our problems, we will sink under the weight of them.  However, if we keep our gaze on the Lord, He will give us peace that transcends all understanding.  If we stay close to Him, He will keep us safe.  Circumstances change, God does not.  Have Him near you daily, and He will help you face today's problems.
Philippians 4:7; Matthew 14:30; Hebrews 12:2

Today's devotional reminds me of the story of Peter in Matthew 14, where God calls him out of the boat and into the water.  When Peter kept his gaze on God, he was not afraid.  However, as soon as he took his focus off of God and onto the waves around him, He became afraid and started to sink.  That is my problem.  When faced with a circumstance, I immediately start getting scared.  I feel like my world has been shaken.  I feel like we need an immediate fix, and the burden is just too much for me to carry alone.  Therefore, I need to give it to God.  Focus on Him, and not on the situation. Keep my gaze on Him, and no matter what life throws at me, God will provide me with the one thing I need to get through it all...PEACE.

In other news, I am on day 3 of calorie counting and exercising.  I feel GREAT and ALIVE!!

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The New Year

We are 14 days into the new year, and I did not have a new years resolution to start out 2014.  I did not want to rewrite the same ole resolutions that have been my resolutions since I can remember.  Instead, I let God speak to me and this is what I got; Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  A week before the new year, I began questioning my purpose in life.  Along with those questions came answers of inadequacy, failure and worthlessness.  I began to wonder why God  has given me the life that I live.  What purpose am I serving by cooking, cleaning, running errands and all that stay at home moms do.  Then this past Sunday, God spoke to me.  My purpose in life, whether I am a stay at home mom or a big shot corporate woman, is to love God and to love others.  So my resolution this year is to commit to the things that have been on my new years resolution for many years...that is to love God above all else, and be a healthy version of myself.  To finally put an end to feeling bad about myself, and to start loving myself.  As a dear friend puts it...this year is to RECLAIM!!

The first objective to reclaiming back my life is to have accountability, and what better way than to blog and commit to blogging every single day for the next year.  On top of participating in bible studies, I am committing to reading a devotional from Jesus Calling, and blogging about the day's devotional and how God is speaking to me through that devotional.  I will also jot down my weight loss progress.  I did start reading a devotional out of Jesus Calling yesterday, but did not blog about it, so I will start from yesterday's devotional.

Jan. 13
This day's devotional was about living each day like an adventure.  Don't predict what's going to happen, or try to manipulate the day to go your way.  To be attentive to Him, and to all that He has prepared for you.  Resist the tendency to take the easiest route.
Psalm 118: 24; 1 Peter 2:21

This is so me.  I try to plan each day accordingly.  The less stress, the better.  But some days will throw you a curve ball, and you can't stress out about it.  Just let God take you where He wants you to go.  Just keep Him in the forefront of  your mind, and no matter how chaotic, He will take you through it.  He also reminds me to make best of what God has blessed me with.  God has blessed me with the opportunity to stay home with my children.  I need to make the best of it because one day they will be grown, and I will miss these times.  And to make good use of my time.  To be more involved at Church, and to just do God's work.

Jan. 14
Today's devotional really spoke to me.  It was about not feeling ashamed about being empty.  That emptiness is a blessing because that is an optimal condition to be filled by His grace and peace.  It is easy to touch up your outward appearance, thinking you can fool people, but you cannot fool God.  He can see the depths of your being.  Talk with Him about your struggles or feelings of inadequacy, and He will turn your weaknesses into strength.
1 Samuel 16:7; Romans 8:38-39

As a stay at home mom, inadequacy is a feeling I feel frequently.  Not being able to financially contribute to the household damages my self-worth.  But God reminds me that self-worth is not about how much you are worth, in monetary value, but what you are worth in Christ.  To know that God does not make mistakes.  We are where He wants us to be.  I can and should openly talk to Him about my struggles of feeling inadequate, and let Him work in me.

Now to other news, the past two days have been successful.  I have been counting my calories and exercising.  So needless to say, my back hurts and I need to lay down, so this is all for now!